Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

expectations while expecting

30 replies

barbsb · 24/10/2013 00:07

Im due my third baby in two weeks. I have no sisters. My mom has buggered off to Spain for three weeks hols. My hubby s family are a four hour drive away. Aibu to expect her to have even considered changing date s in my time of need

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 24/10/2013 00:15

Did you ask her to, or did you expect her to work it out?

I figured out a long time ago that my family will be there for me for anything but need it spelling out.

Original poster
barbsb · 24/10/2013 00:38

Twas all quite vague until about a week ago
Then it was - im off to Spain on Wednesday you know and not a thing said.

Which I think is shite

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 24/10/2013 00:52

Did you say, at any point, "Mum baby is due on X, can you and dad have the kids when I go into labour?"?

After 6 kids I can tell you without fear of contradiction that other people dont get it! Your baby is important to you but not them, to them it is a nice bit of news.

My DP are the best GP ever, but they booked a long haul holiday starting the day before my due date, home a day after my induction date. Mum actually rang from the holiday and said "We just realised that we should have gone next month shouldnt we?!" I wouldnt have minded quite so much but they bought a foldaway bed in prep for having the kids while I was in labour, despite me not actually asking them so I assumed that they were on board. Wrong....

Original poster
barbsb · 24/10/2013 18:27

i agree i should have said "i am due on x", but she has known since febuary. im really shocked, even the MIL had a shocked look on her face when i told her. In fairness the MIL is a four hour drive away.

But as i have no sisters and we have two kids, can anyone please tell me how is this ok?

its like a veil has been lifted . Im disgusted . not even a checking in phone call

this all comes back to me not saying things straight out but when she gets back im going to express myself frankly

The issue in the background is i have a special needs brother who i did alot of caring for when i was young. I suppose I expected a reciprocal arrangement when i might need help

not looking likely

OP posts:
NotYoMomma · 24/10/2013 18:31

sorry I think yabu!!! so you didnt even give her your due date? or work it out?

how can she have known in Feb if you are due in two weeks? did you tell her as oon as you found out?

it's your third, presumably you could have asked her to keeps sone dates free?

DoJo · 24/10/2013 18:36

But as i have no sisters and we have two kids, can anyone please tell me how is this ok? Did you actually discuss your mum having the kids whilst you're in labour? Do you have a partner? Is your mum the only person who ever babysits for you?

EeyoreIsh · 24/10/2013 18:38

If you discussed it with her and she agreed to look after the other kids, then of course she's wrong to bugger off.

But, if you assumed she'd be there and look after the kids, you're totally unreasonable.

xCupidStuntx · 24/10/2013 18:38

YABU

noblegiraffe · 24/10/2013 18:38

What happened when your second baby was born?

Original poster
barbsb · 24/10/2013 18:50

i gave her dates, she is only person aside from creche and an occasionally lady when we are stuck. i gave her due dates. our second kid, well my hubby dropped him into the creche while i was labouring away in the car and our son was born 4 hours later, then he picked them up on the way home, that was jammy

OP posts:
Jan49 · 24/10/2013 18:58

It sounds like you didn't attempt to discuss it with your mum so how was she supposed to know if you planned for her to be looking after the 2 kids whilst you give birth? What on earth is having no sisters to do with anything? Do you think only female relatives can take care of children when their mum is in labour?Confused

Sorry, it's your and your dp's kids and it's up to you and him to sort out childcare when you're having another, not your mum.

Jolleigh · 24/10/2013 19:02

YABU. You should have discussed it with her rather than making assumptions that they'd taken it as a 'given' regardless of the circumstances.

NotYoMomma · 24/10/2013 19:10

but did you ask her

and is she psychic?

those are the relevant questions. 'expect' is a bit entitled. shy bairns get nowt

noblegiraffe · 24/10/2013 19:22

If you didn't need/ask her second time around, how would she know you needed her this time?

Itsaboatjack · 24/10/2013 19:39

YABU. My parents lived in another country when my dd2 was born. And what on earth has having sisters got to do with anything?

Tbh I'm not really understanding what your problem is. Is it that you expected here to look after the other dc when you go into labour? In which case YAstillBU for not talking to her about it.

HorryIsUpduffed · 24/10/2013 19:41

PIL who live less than five miles away had already booked their holiday when we told them we were expecting DC1. They arrived home two days after he was born, being eight days after he was due.

For pgy#2 they deliberately booked their holiday nowhere near my EDD. I mc. They complained around that date that they should have been on holiday. I have never forgiven them.

So for DC2 they booked over our EDD again. He arrived on time.

I appear to be in early labour with DC3 (have probably jinxed it though Grin and the contractions will tail off now). Guess where the ILs are, yet again?

My parents live 200 miles away. When I had DC1 they came up immediately and were there within hours. For DC2 they were staying with us and provided our childcare for DC1. They're ready to jump on the motorway at any point but are due to be here this weekend anyway.

It's not where they are, it's whether they want to be with you or not.

ImperialFucker · 24/10/2013 19:45

Blimey, everyone, show some compassion! What would you do for your own daughters if you find the OP unreasonable?

OP, of course your mum should have arranged to be around when your baby is born. She should have known you'd need help and want her there to look after the other two.

What will you do when you go into labour?

LaundryLegoLunch · 24/10/2013 19:45

I don't really understand. I have no sisters (also I don't get the relevance at all) and have no family at all within 4 hrs drive.

So when I had dc3 I drew up a totally unnecessarily colour coded rota for the last week or two of who I would call on. And I realised that should things get tricky I might just have to go ahead to hospital without DH and hope he could make it in time. Women had babies for thousands of years without their partners next to them and DH hates the blood and gore

But in fairness it sounds like the issues are about much more than this.

ImperialFucker · 24/10/2013 19:48

Perhaps the OP thought that sisters might help by looking after the children, Laundry? It's not unreasonable to think that.

Milkjug · 24/10/2013 19:50

This is clearly about much more than this holiday. I sympathise with anyone worried about childcare when giving birth, but it doesn't sound as if the OP made a specific arrangement with her parents...?

I am also confused about the repeated assertion that the OP has no sisters. Do you have brothers, OP? If so, can't they help???

LaundryLegoLunch · 24/10/2013 19:54

Yes but the no sisters is hardly a major disadvantage is it? Loads of people have no sisters and manage. Loads of people have sisters who are useless.

It just seems odd to feel hard done by because as an adult you don't have sisters to help you out in labour.

gordyslovesheep · 24/10/2013 20:08

or brothers!

NotYoMomma · 24/10/2013 20:17

im due any day but its the entitled expectation when it wasnt required or asked for last time, its the assumption and then calling it shite and disgusting that has peoples backs up

I'm also an only child - I asked my mum to be free and available and shock she said yes

Itsaboatjack · 24/10/2013 21:04

Perhaps the OP thought that sisters might help by looking after the children, Laundry? It's not unreasonable to think that.

My sister lives 2hrs drive away, and besides she has her own family to look after. Also why couldn't a brother help? So still not really seeing the relevance. Instead I had a few local friends who were happy to be on standby if they were needed.

Littleen · 24/10/2013 21:05

See you saying you have no sisters - do you have any brothers to look after the kids? They can do it too ya know :P