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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my husband to stop kissing our son?

38 replies

Midori1999 · 23/10/2013 23:20

My DH has several cold sores at the moment. He knows not to kiss people, he's had these for years. I've told him how serious it can be in newborns. He got all offended and said he wouldn't kiss our 3 week old DS.

I've just seen him kiss DS on the head. I admit I'm totally paranoid as we lost out twin daughters in 2010 (due to prematurity) but I am terrified he is going to pass the virus onto DS.

I know it must be very upsetting not to be able to kiss DS, but AIBU to ask him not to kiss DS at all? Can the virus even be transmitted by kissing on the head/cheeks etc and not the mouth?

I know I'm probably over reacting, but I'm close to tears.

OP posts:
Alonglongway · 23/10/2013 23:22

Worth a chat to local pharmacist?

Garcia10 · 23/10/2013 23:24

It will only be a problem if your son has a cut on his head. If his forehead is clear of any small openings he will be fine.

Details from wiki:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herpes_simplex

MoneyMug · 23/10/2013 23:24

I might be wrong but I'm pretty sure a kiss anywhere can pass on the virus whole he has a cold sore.

mameulah · 23/10/2013 23:24

I don't know if YABU or not, about your specific question.

But, my MIL came round to visit when our pfb ds was four days old, touched him all over his face and then announced she had a cold sore. I can't even tell you how worried I was then.

Also, I don't know if this helps or not but I was told we all have cold sores under our skin all of the time but they only appear when we are run down or stressed?

KissesBreakingWave · 23/10/2013 23:34

NBU. I can remember my dad being v. scrupulous about infection control when his coldsores were active; separate cups, cutlery, the lot. Probably overdid it a bit but neither me nor my siblings got 'em. Less of an issue now acyclovir cream is a cheap, readily available thing, of course.

Seriously, if you've got something unpleasant and infectious passing it on, or being careless about passing it on, is not a friendly act.

UncleT · 23/10/2013 23:39

Tricky one, as it's natural for him to want to kiss him and yet he needs to appreciate how potentially serious it is. I would suggest he needs to focus on curing his cold sores fully and then he can show him fatherly affection until the cows come home. YANBU to want to put your son's health first though.

Bibblebo · 23/10/2013 23:45

I would feel the same as you. I really think you must visit the doctor together so that somebody else can tell him too. He really MUST be responsible and protect the baby from his virus. Kissing the baby should be out until the lesions are completely gone and there is no residual tingling feeling.

Percephone · 23/10/2013 23:50

YANBU. The herpes virus can be very dangerous to newborns who are still developing their immune system. I wouldn't let him kiss the baby and would insist on hand washing before he touches him. I don't want to worry you unnecessarily but there are good reasons why people with cold sores shouldn't kiss babies.

KissesBreakingWave · 23/10/2013 23:53

Zovirax is the brand name coldsore cream. There are various off-brand ones as well, they all contain acyclovir. Follow the directions and you don't get open lesions. (Not always possible, I know someone who wakes up with the tingling and by then it's too late.)

MissMuesli · 24/10/2013 00:11

My daughter is 2 and 1/2 and she gets the herpes virus, but it presents in infections in her fingernails, which almost always needs antibiotics. Apparently its pretty common for herpes to present that way in under 5s. Last year she had 3/4 bouts of herpes, and ended up in quite alot of pain, skin peeling etc. So definitely stick to your guns on this one!

MissMuesli · 24/10/2013 00:12

Kisses, actually that's a good point. You can get coldsore patches, and if I feel my lip tingling I pop one on and it stops it coming out as a full blown coldsore. Means it doesn't last as long either!

IneedAsockamnesty · 24/10/2013 00:37

Its fairly simple you either tell him not to or he risks killing your baby because in tinys it really can do that.

Practise this "dh if baby catches that virus he can die you need to stop it"

Oh and you do not need an open wound or broken skin to catch the virus you just need direct skin contact with someone who has one, it can also cause sores in other places even odd places like fingers eyes and noses.

IneedAsockamnesty · 24/10/2013 00:39

Oh poundland sell a un branded version of the cream its called virazorb and is exactly the same as the branded version.

Original poster
Midori1999 · 24/10/2013 00:47

Thanks. I wondered if my paranoia/anxiety was causing me to over react.

I've spoken to him and pointed out that its just not worth risking DS's life, even if the risk is very small. I also told him it was causing me to be more anxious than I already am. He got defensive again and tried to make excuses, said he's never given the virus to any of the other DC etc. but I think (hope!) he knows it was stupid to kiss DS. I also got him to read some info online about the herpes virus in newborns.

He's gone to bed in a huff, but hopefully he's got the message.

OP posts:
Original poster
Midori1999 · 24/10/2013 00:48

He never uses creams. Do they stop the sores becoming contagious? Or just make them heal faster?

OP posts:
JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 24/10/2013 00:50

Dd 2.5 had a first time child sore infection over Easter. Worst two weeks of her life. Gum infection, mouth sores, fever, the lot. We had no idea what was going on until her brother aged 7 was referred to moorfields eye hospital with what turned out to be child does in his eyes. We still have no idea where she got the infection from as no-one in her family suffers from cold sores but I'm suspecting the Nursery as her key worker admitted to getting them regularly. Anyway yanbu op

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 24/10/2013 00:51

Child sore? Cold sore. Sigh.

KissesBreakingWave · 24/10/2013 00:54

Use the antiviral cream early enough and it prevents the sore altogether. As soon as you feel the tingling. They do seem to work, I can't remember the last time I saw my father with an open coldore. Twenty years ago, maybe? Possibly a bit more.

Chakkarollo · 24/10/2013 01:04

I think you must be honest and speak your truths quietly and clearly and tell him to stop kissing until his sores are healed .It's only fair and as he loves your new born i'm sure he will have no proplem with this

redcaryellowcar · 24/10/2013 01:14

I sometimes get cold sores and wouldn't kiss our ds then even though he is now two yrs old. I certainly wouldn't have done it when he was a baby I remember my first infection as an adult being horrific, and can't imagine putting a child through that necessarily, they get enough coughs and colds anyhow.
I found using licquorice lip balm helped keep them at bay, I get it from skinshop.co.UK read an article ages ago sayin licquorice helped s do avocado, although eating avocado not slathering it on your lips.

vtechjazz · 24/10/2013 09:00

He doesn't use creams!?! Why ever not? Frankly I think he's a knob for risking it, even for older kids its a pain in the arse to be covered in sores every time they get stressed....its a lifelong 'legacy' of his lazy, selfish ways.

mrsjay · 24/10/2013 09:03

yes he can pass on the virus and it can be serious just tell him to not do it until it clears why would anybody kiss anybody far less a tiny baby with a cold sore

BakeOLiteGirl · 24/10/2013 09:14

Yanbu cold sores can be incredibly dangerous for young babies.

Dobbiesmum · 24/10/2013 09:15

I'm very prone to cold sores and very vigilant about not touching the DC's without washing my hands if I've accidentally touched my mouth. Unfortunately I'm one of those people mentioned further up, when the tingle starts that's it, it's a full blown sore within a couple of hours, the cream doesn't stop it, so I don't use it. Tea tree oil does sometimes dry it up fairly quickly though.
YANBU, he needs to just think it through and practice some common sense.

Longtalljosie · 24/10/2013 09:18

Print out a web page on the subject and make him read it?

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