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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my husband to stop kissing our son?

38 replies

Midori1999 · 23/10/2013 23:20

My DH has several cold sores at the moment. He knows not to kiss people, he's had these for years. I've told him how serious it can be in newborns. He got all offended and said he wouldn't kiss our 3 week old DS.

I've just seen him kiss DS on the head. I admit I'm totally paranoid as we lost out twin daughters in 2010 (due to prematurity) but I am terrified he is going to pass the virus onto DS.

I know it must be very upsetting not to be able to kiss DS, but AIBU to ask him not to kiss DS at all? Can the virus even be transmitted by kissing on the head/cheeks etc and not the mouth?

I know I'm probably over reacting, but I'm close to tears.

OP posts:

HotCrossPun · 24/10/2013 09:23

He's read information about it and he's still huffing?

That's not on. He's acting like a child. Why is him kissing his son more important than the baby's health? It will be cleared up in about a week (maybe quicker if he would actually put cream on it) it's not like he can never kiss him again.

DevilsRoulette · 24/10/2013 09:25

Why is he huffy about it? It's like he thinks you're saying that he got the coldsore virus on purpose and is trying to infect his newborn

It's not a criticism of him. I don't understand why he's offended. It's a simple fact - the herpes virus can kill babies and has killed babies.

mira
jennifer
kaiden

and many more.

He is not in control of whether the virus passes to a child that he kisses. The fact that so far as you know, the other children haven't got it is not evidence that it can't happen.

I don't understand why he feels it's an attack upon him. Far better that he has periods where he just hugs his baby than he infects the baby.

Viviennemary · 24/10/2013 09:27

YANBU. This virus is passed on by kissing. He should not be kissing anyone whilst he has a cold sore.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 24/10/2013 09:27

My DH has a cold sore (though pretty much cleared up in a day, get him to use the creams!) and is really really vigilant about not kissing, sharing food or generally getting his mouth near anyone else, particularly DS. He is using a separate towel for his face atm. Why is he taking it so personally? Herpes could kill his child if he isn't careful.

lottiegarbanzo · 24/10/2013 09:28

Just NO and five minutes on the NHS web-site will confirm this to him.

Why would he put his preferences before his baby's safety? Why doesn't he take pride in taking the best possible care of his child?

I'd find his willingness to put distorted beliefs about how he wishes the world to be (his cold sores are not a problem because he wishes he didn't have them, or that they were weren't infectious) ahead of the real-life safety of other people, really difficult to deal with. Though actually, very simple to deal with in practice. I simply would not trust him with my children's safety, because he has demonstrated an inability make rational judgements or to put their interests first.

If wishes were horses beggars would ride, Mr Midori. Time to grow up.

cabernetshiraz · 24/10/2013 09:32

There was a case in the daily mail of a baby who died after being infected through a cold sore. It does happen.

Sunnysummer · 24/10/2013 09:36

There are plenty of other ways he can show affection with cuddles and chatting and singing.

My friend's very sturdy 18 month old ended up in hospital after getting cold sores all down his throat and becoming severely dehydrated and although the chances are very slim, cold sores can be deadly in very small children (a 2 month old died in the last year).

Of course the chances are incredibly small, especially as there are millions of parents with cold sores and small kids at any time, but surely he can manage for the mere week or so that the cold sore will be around.

YANBU, tell him to get some Zovirax and stop whinging More importantly, congratulations on your new baby and hope you're having a lovely time overall

kelda · 24/10/2013 09:40

YANBU. I had cold sores after my ds was born, and I was very careful not to kiss him, not to touch my own lips and to always wash my hands.

I know a baby who spent a week in hospital with the cold sore virus. It's not worth risking your baby's health for a couple of kisses.

ajandjjmum · 24/10/2013 09:41

I remember our GP putting the fear of God into me when I took DD for an appt as a baby, and I had a cold sore. Until then, I didn't know of the danger to babies.

Rarely have them now - Zovirax is wonderful though!

LondonNinja · 24/10/2013 09:48

YANBU. It's dangerous to expose babies to the virus. It can be lethal in some cases. Rare, but why take the risk?!

jellyboatsandpirates · 24/10/2013 10:58

YADNBU. if you've got a tiny baby you do NOT kiss anywhere with a coldsore, as it can be fatal.

FryOneFatManic · 24/10/2013 11:23

DS gets cold sores, but we were lucky-ish in a way in that they didn't begin to appear until he was about 4. Don't know where he got them from, as none of us have them.

I'm told it's very easy for the virus to pass on, so your DH needs to take care. And even DS knows to use the cream as soon as he feels his lip tingling and he's aged 9. The cream does help, in reducing the severity and healing time.

Retroformica · 24/10/2013 11:54

I think you need to print out some information from he Internet for him to read

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