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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

be pissed off that DS didnt get a school dinner today

29 replies

hippoherostandinghere · 23/10/2013 20:19

DS is 4.8 and in P1. He came straight out of school today and said he didnt get any dinner only a piece of shortbread. From what I can gather he went to the toilet before dinner. He said it took him along time because he was afraid of the hand dryer (he has been since he was a baby) but he wanted to use it because there was no towel. he couldn't get it turned on so he waited and waited and then another boy came along and turned it on. By the time he got back to class everyone had gone but a girl took him to the dinner hall. When he got there they just gave him some shortbread.

So now im annoyed that they left him in the class and no one picked up that he had ni dinner. WWYD about this?

OP posts:

BuntyPenfold · 23/10/2013 20:25

I understand that you are upset, but when did they leave him in the classroom? It sounds as if he went to the toilet and stayed there instead of going to the hall.
I don't think he'd have been missed in many schools if he did this to be honest.
If lunch was over, no, a piece of shortbread isn't really good enough. I'd have thought they could manage a sandwich and some fruit at least.

SantanaLopez · 23/10/2013 20:25

Why did he just have shortbread? Was there no food left?

GW297 · 23/10/2013 20:26

Yes you have every right to be upset. Go in and speak to the Head as they need to review their lunchtime procedures to ensure it doesn't happen again. Also refuse to pay for today's lunch if it is confirmed 100% and they admit that your child was only given shortbread to eat.

Original poster

hippoherostandinghere · 23/10/2013 20:28

From what I can gather he went to the toilet at the classroom before the class left for dinner. When he came out they were gone. He said there was no room at the P1 dinner table so he sat somewhere else. I feel all sad and sorry for him that no one noticed. He is not the sort of boy to speak up and tell what happened, he is very shy and we are working on making him a bit more independent, I don't want this to set him back.

OP posts:

Original poster

hippoherostandinghere · 23/10/2013 20:30

Santana he said he was too late for dinner and there was only shortbread left. He must have spent along time being afraid of the hand drier to miss dinner altogether.

OP posts:

Rosa · 23/10/2013 20:35

Presuming that all children should go to the loo and wash hands before lunch how come he was left alone and not accounted for when lunch was given out? Surely a teacher or somebody should have commented gone and looked for him???

bimbabirba · 23/10/2013 20:36

Poor little one

babybythesea · 23/10/2013 20:36

I'd also maybe go in with the attitude of 'I just want to see if I can work out what happened, because DS is saying....' rather than all guns blazing.

I say this because DSis had an irate mum complain loudly and angrily that her child (reception class so aged 5) hadn't been allowed to have a drink or go to the toilet all day, and DSis had no right to prevent the children drinking and she was going to report it etc etc. It took a while to get her to calm down long enough for DSis to explain that in fact, the child had access to water all morning, and most of the afternoon, as well as during all play/lunchtimes etc. And that as the toilets lead off the classroom, the children had access to them at all times too. However, in the five minutes immediately after the lunchbreak, DSis had gathered all the children on the carpet to do the register and explain something to the children. The girl asked to go to get a drink, and DSis said no - you need to wait a moment or two, you can have one when we get off the carpet but everyone needs to hear this first. Then the girl said "Can I go to the toilet?" DSis said "Just wait two minutes and then yes, you can. But not right now, ok? And if you think you might need to go, then maybe tomorrow try and remember to go after lunch, before we all sit on the carpet."

In the process of telling, this had become "I wasn't allowed to go to the toilet or get a drink" which the parent took to mean "all day".
So it might be worth double checking exactly what happened first!

SantanaLopez · 23/10/2013 20:37

His teacher didn't notice he had gone that long? That's shocking.

I'd ask the school to clarify what exactly happened.

bearleftmonkeyright · 23/10/2013 20:38

I am a midday and it is not uncommon for children to occasionally miss coming in for dinner. He is very little, so still getting to know the school routine. Also, lack of space can be a real problem so they can't always sit with their friends if they come in late. However, just wonder whether what he is saying is absolutely everything? My DC's very often used to say "nothing" when I asked what they had for dinner, or "peas". They can't remember. shortbread may be the only thing he remembers eating. However, I would have a word with his teacher just to clarify exactly what went on.

LaGuardia · 23/10/2013 20:39

I'm surprised his hands didn't dry naturally in that time

Original poster

hippoherostandinghere · 23/10/2013 20:40

I understand that baby but I won't be going in all guns blazing. We have chatted alot about it and tried to work out what happened and when. He's not the sort of child to exagerate or fabricate. He's just not that good at standing up and making himself heard.

OP posts:

weneedtotalkaboutkettles · 23/10/2013 20:40

Teachers don't do lunch time duty. He must have been in the toilet absolutely ages if ALL the food had gone, OP, I'm not entirely unsympathetic as he is very, very young but at the same time, he really must have been ages in the loo!

Original poster

hippoherostandinghere · 23/10/2013 20:43

I don't doubt he was in there a long time. He said himself he took a really long time at the toilet. He often never goes to the toilet at school and he drinks very little of his juice as he was afraid of having to go to the toilet during dinner as it was far away and he didn't want to go. So he plucks up the courage and goes before dinner and this happens

OP posts:

bearleftmonkeyright · 23/10/2013 20:45

OP, I know you're not answering me, but no-one here is suggesting at all that your son is exaggerating or fabricating. He may have said that he had shortbread for his dinner. Its just that you need the rest of the facts as to what actually happened. I would be very surprised if knowing that he had not had any dinner they just gave him shortbread. Speak to the teacher, they will talk to the lunchtime staff and feed back to you.

babybythesea · 23/10/2013 20:48

I wasn't implying that he could be making things up, or exaggerating, or anything like that. More that he is still very young so what he considers important to tell you might not be the whole story. I don't think the little girl in my sister's class meant any malice or was deliberately making things up, it's just what she remembered from the day was the one moment when she was told she couldn't go and get her drink, forgetting about all the times she'd been allowed.
Good luck with getting it sorted.

Original poster

hippoherostandinghere · 23/10/2013 20:49

See I don't think they realised he had any dinner. He probably just appeared in the hall as dessert was being given out and he took it. He's not the sort of child who would say hold on I haven't had by dinner yet, he probably just took it. And I don't think the teacher probably even realises he didn't get his dinner but he shouldn't have been left in that position.

OP posts:

SantanaLopez · 23/10/2013 20:53

But OP there could be 300 other kids in the hall at the same time. Teachers aren't psychic.

bearleftmonkeyright · 23/10/2013 21:02

Bloody hell, I wrote a really long reply that disappeared, and Santana summed it up in one sentence OP it is part and parcel of school life that they have to realise that they are supposed to be where they are supposed to be otherwise they won't get their dinner. Tell the teacher, they can feed back to the middays and monitor the situation.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 23/10/2013 21:25

I was going to say, as teachers we dismiss them to the hall then get on with our work therefore it's quite possible ghat he would have been missed by both the teacher and the dinner staff.... Then i remembered that at my school, the teacher who is on lunch duty ticks off names on a list therefore they would have noticed, and asked the class teacher where he was, who then would have checked the loo and found him in there.

Quite simply, yanbu and my school obviously runs things a bit better than yours!

All that said, though, the child really needs to get over his fear of hand dryers. Or just dry his hands with loo roll or on his trousers (yes I know that's not particularly hygienic, but children need to learn independence and survival! Standing by a hand dryer for most of a lunch break demonstrates neither. Poor boy!)

harticus · 23/10/2013 21:54

It is time to contact the school and have that conversation about duty of care and the importance of pastoral responsibilities.
Why didn't someone come to find him? Wasn't he missed by anyone? He could have had an accident - been locked in the loo (it happens!) - etc

I would be ripping mad if my 4 yr old had only had a biscuit for lunch.

foslady · 23/10/2013 21:55

Could he not put a flannel in his PE bag to use as a small towel for in future?

judgejudithjudy · 23/10/2013 21:59

whilst i feel for you op & your poor ds, you cant expect the school to realise he was late for lunch so please dont all guns blazing.

PansOnFire · 23/10/2013 22:07

YANBU. He's a child, he should have had an adult around him who would realise that a) he'd been missing for a long time and b) he'd had no dinner.

It's not acceptable to say he should know where he is supposed to be or that he shouldn't have been in the toilets for so long, he's 4!

Speak to his teacher, good luck.

LOLisNOTaPunctuationMark · 23/10/2013 22:09

Awwww, the wee mite

I can remember actually bursting into tears when similar things happened to my dd last year in P.1. (she's my pfb and only )

I think you should have a chat with the teacher tomorrow. Explain what your son has told you, and ask the teacher to have a chat with him (or preferably the class as a whole so as not to single him out), about the importance of speaking to an adult, or telling people when he hasn't eaten etc. Maybe ask if you're allowed to go in at hometime and visit the bathroom with your son to try and get him used to the hand dryer? Or perhaps you could pack a few paper towels in his school bag for him to take each time he has to go?

I just think that no one noticed he was missing, didn't realise he hadn't eaten, and just gave him a desert. I'm sure it'll be a one off.

I write 'social stories' for my dd (she has autism) but i think one or two might be useful for your son? Perhaps you could both write (with him illustrating) one about the school toilet or lunchtime routine?

Bless him, he sounds lovely.

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