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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teachers! I have an excellent parents' evening tip for you.

345 replies

OoozingCervix · 23/10/2013 19:45

  1. If you have a 10 minute slot and you are still talking after 25 minutes to a parent there is quite obviously an issue that needs to be discussed further at a later date.
  1. May I suggest you get a timer? Put it on your table. Set it for 9 minutes. If after the allotted time you are still talking, hand over a card with your email on it and suggest the parent book a further appointment to see you.

IANBU.

OP posts:
ItsOut · 21/04/2017 23:31

flipflop49 Do you realize this thread is three and a half years old. I suspect the OP has moved on.....

NottinghamNeil · 22/04/2017 01:29

If the previous parent is monopolising the teacher for an extra 15 minutes, then I guess that's the previous parent's fault. Without being privy to that conversation, it's impossible to know what attempts the teacher tried to bring it to a close. Personally, I don't worry too much about spending an extra 15 minutes to talk about my child's progress with their teacher. Maybe your time is more valuable and you have a kidney transplant to get to, or an international trade negotiation to discuss. If not, then maybe you need to get over yourself and YABU.

Piratecatcher · 22/04/2017 01:57

Or parents who are worried sick and fobbed off at every turn so maybe need more time

DuckDonald · 22/04/2017 02:16

Why are teachers so chippy?

KittyVonCatsington · 22/04/2017 07:35

Do you like being negatively criticised so harshly for doing your job, by strangers, in such a patronising manner, DuckDonald?

ToffeeCaramel · 22/04/2017 09:57

I think teachers must get a distorted idea of what people think of them because the happy majority of parents aren't as vocal. It's like if you'd never been to a soft play area you'd think from reading mumsnet that fights and arguments were constantly breaking out between kids and parents, when most of the time people go along, their kid plays and then they come home. Dd's school probably has its fair share of ranty, unreasonable parents and yet when they did the parentview thing when we had ofsted, only about 1% of parents gave negative responses and 99% agreed their child was happy/progressing/school well run etc. (I do sometimes send positive feedback as I think it's a good thing to do.)

Sostenueto · 22/04/2017 10:09

My gdds maths teacher isn't coming to parent evening. I'm sure it must be a damn good reason he's not attending, after all teachers are human and i understand things crop up. But all my gdd got told was "if your parents have a problem tell them to e-mail me". Which is reasonable except the last time we tried to emaili a teacher it took 3 weeks to get a reply! Good job we don't have any real problems because my gdds in all the top sets, but if she was having problems its not so good.

KittyVonCatsington · 22/04/2017 10:34

if your parents have a problem tell them to e-mail me

What should the teacher have said instead? Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Believe me the reason for not attending will be a good one as there is no way any school would allow non attendance otherwise. I'm also assuming your gdd has had tracking reports and had or will have a written report? If any problems are that serious, you would already know or could always contact them.

DottyDonna · 22/04/2017 10:38

I'm a teacher, all I do to end the meeting is say "well, it was lovely to meet you, thanks for coming."
That usually works for me. It's polite and the parents don't feel like they are being timed or rushed through the meeting.

maryEliz · 22/04/2017 10:50

In my experience if parents want more than 10 mins its because there are issues that have not been addressed by the school, emails left unanswered by the school and teachers not very organized or not having information ready. Parents generally don't want to spend any more time than they absolutely have to in parents evening but teachers need to have the right info there. Admittedly there are some parents who just want to talk a lot when there is nothing really to discuss but these are few and easily dealt with by just standing up!

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/04/2017 10:59

maryEliz

I suspect that that is your personal experience.
What tends to happen from the other side of the table is that the majority of parents that go over the time fall in to two categories.

1/ the parents that are phoning the school everyday and whatever answer you give them it isn't right.

or

2/ the parents that only turn up at parents evening with a long list of issues that they should have contacted the school about before.

Badbadbunny · 22/04/2017 11:18

So we can conclude that "some" parents and "some" teachers don't really understand what Parents' evening is for, and therefore go overtime discussing things that either don't need discussing or should have been addressed at an earlier opportunity. Issue solved!

thenovice · 22/04/2017 11:24

Can I just say that if teachers would tell you a little more about how your child was doing, instead of saying " everything's fine" to absolutely everyone, even when it patently isn't, then we would probably all need to spend less time trying to winkle out some detail about what they need to work on and what is going really well.

Elendon · 22/04/2017 11:56

I'm of two minds about this. My DD2 was an A* student (she did indeed get that first). My son needs full support and is doing quite well as he has come on leaps and bounds during the last year (he's sitting his GCSE's this summer). I have found that teachers spent longer talking to me with my DD2 than talking to me about my son. Teacher's do like the positive. However, since DS has improved so much recently the last PTE took much longer, so full of praise for what he has achieved. (finger's crossed he passes and goes on to sixth form).

To add, dd2 and I knew she would get a glowing review from her teachers and they did always struggle to fill in the five minutes and sometimes even said they were behind and could we cut it short! But what I cannot stand is parents who want everyone waiting to see the teacher how wonderful their son is. (my son goes to an all boy's school). I've been there; take the praise and just move on.

Elendon · 22/04/2017 12:01

Having said that a big thanks to teachers today. You are and will always remain brilliant.

SmileEachDay · 22/04/2017 14:26

mary are you a teacher?

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/04/2017 14:54

thenovice

If your child isn't performing well at school, why are you leaving it till parents evening.

DanyellasDonkey · 22/04/2017 16:32

There are quite a few teachers on our staff who say things like, "Danyella is where she should be" or "She's at the right level for Danyella" which means absolutely nothing.

Then myself and other teachers actually tell them the truth are honest about their child's progress and get abuse from parents. I actually had one walk out and complain to the HT because I'd said he found some aspects of work difficult Confused

JoffreyBaratheon · 22/04/2017 16:39

No need for a timer. I used to use the clock in my classroom. They got ten mins then the bums' rush.

If it was an issue where they needed more time they were welcome to come in and I'd sit down and have a proper discussion with them, any time, and I made that plain.

Hate to break OP's illusions, but many schools I worked in the staff would have a competition (ie: race) and the winner was the one to get through their parents the fastest. I always won. I can be pretty determined though and am good at shutting things down.

Anything vital, and parents' evening's not the time or place, anyway. I'd much rather someone got my undivided attention even if I had to stay after school or give up a lunch hour for it.

alypoole · 22/04/2017 16:52

Poor teachers- they can't win😡

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