to be in shock after this (long)

[Summerblaze]

DS1 has some developmental delay. We have known this since forever. He was slow to sit unaided (10 months) and to walk (18 months) but rolling, crawling, standing were about average. He was seen by a paediatrician at 18 months and was diagnosed with hyper-extensible joints. He was completely checked to see if it was part of a disorder/syndrome but all was ok and it was decided it was just one of those things. He will find it harder to run, jump, ride a bike, write but will learn to cope as he gets older.

He said his first word when he was 12 months, learned another 5 and then stopped. During his 2nd paediatrician appt when he was 2 yo, he was sent for a hearing test and he was diagnosed with glue ear. First lot of grommets/tubes caused infections and were taken out and then finally last year when he was 4.5 yo, he had them put back in and his adenoids taken out. They have now fallen out and he has passed his hearing tests.

Because of this lack of hearing, he is now very delayed. His speech and receptive language are like a 3-4 yo (he will be 6 in December) but over the last 1.5 years since his hearing has been sorted he has come on leaps and bounds. A year ago, I had to hold his hand so tight in case he ran into the road as he had no sense of danger but now I can let him run off and know that he will not just do one into the road. He is a cheery, sociable boy when things are going his way but he is very toddler like when something doesn't. He likes playing with his classmates but doesn't like it when they don't do something right, but he is a lot better than he was.

Because his understanding is so underdeveloped, obviously he needs extra support at school which they are giving him. Since he started we have set the wheels in motion to get him a statement and 1:1 help. Today we finally got the Educational Psychologist to come to see him at the school.

At the meeting afterwards, he told us that DS1 was delayed by about 3 years and that he had moderate learning difficulties that he didn't think were part of anything else but maybe due to not hearing for 3 years of his early life.

Sounds great, I thought. May get some help so he can catch up. Not so!!

Apparently the council will not give the school anymore money as they have already had their quota of SEN money but it wouldn't matter anyway as DS1 has no chance of catching up. He will always be half to 2/3rds his age. He is nearly 6 but is more like a 3 yo so when he is 9, he will be 4.5 - 6 yo and when he is 16, he will be like a 9 or 12 yo. I said, great so when he is 40, he will be 20-30 but apparently it doesn't work like that so at 16 he just stops learning and will bottom out.

He had said a few minutes before that the pots of money the council give to are those with severe needs who will never live an independent life but my son will but then tells me that DS1 will end up no older than a 12 yo.

I am shocked, confused, mad and upset that they seem to have written my beautiful boy off.

Do not listen to him (fortunately if your LA is anything like here, he won't be the schools Ed Psych long).

The Brain is amazingly flexible.

Omg bloodly hell writing a 6 year old boy off like that, it's awful. He does not have a clue how he will be in 2, 6, 10 years time nobody does 100%. That is exactly what dd paedritrician told me (dd6 has asd), that is why he did not want to say where he thought dd was on the spectrum, as it's just that an opinion. Dd initially went to a mainstream school and tey were fantastic in getting her a statement, she then went to an Autistic school in year 1, and is catching up steadily with her Nt peers. She has made astounding progress, more so that she is only a year behind her peers academically.dd continues to surprise me every day.

I was severely developmentally delayed as a child, school said that I was not academic, the best I could have was a non skilled job. Well I have a 2:1 BA (hons) psychology and a merit fr my Msc Health Psychology, so up your bum school. I personally would get a second opinion, and apply to the LEA for a statement, or school could do it for you like they did for dd. don't accept these 'professionals' opinion as gospel.

Fuck them.

One of my nieces had a bad entry into life and her parents were told she would never catch up physically emotionally or mentally.

Her parents worked a lot with her, patterning her brain as was the idea then, and she is now an exquisite young woman at a Russell group university with none of those problems.

I was told Ds was stupid or idle. He's dyslexic, FFS, which the school didn't bother to find out.

A friend whose child is autistic fought and fought the low aspirations around her Ds. He will never read and write easily without support but he us a v good historian who has just got his gcses including 5 a* to c.
Accept what seems sensible to you,

Fuck them.

This man sounds like an absolute prat! Did you ask what else he could see in his crystal ball as he seems to think he can predict the future for your son?

There is no way he can predict how your son will develop based on one meeting. Sorry, I have no advice, but I am angry on your behalf. I think in your shoes I would be complaining. Someone who would write off a 5 year old based on one meeting should surely not be in that job.

He is getting help in school now. He has been in the system since he was a year old. He had 1:1 help done by the nursery he went to and his school have been brilliant with taking him for 1:1 sessions and he has speech and language therapy. However the school only have so many TA's to go around and he still spends a lot of the school day on his own. It was felt that if he got a statement they would give extra funds for more TA hours. It was the Ed Psych who is starting the statement process off that has stated that he is a lost cause. Bath and bedtime for my 3 but will be back later.

You cannot make those kind of dx or predictions on the basis of one meeting!

I would take him to a child psychologist and get another opinion. There no way they can tell you he'll stop learning at 16 without giving you more explanation!

What a horrid shock

Summer dd at 2 years old had a developmental age of 6 to twelve months, she's ten now and top of her year in school and no delays anywhere. Likewise ds who was diagnosed with moderate learning difficulties at three passed eight GCSE's grade A to C. I was told he'd never be independent, he's just secured a place at college 25 miles away and will travel there and back under his own steam.
He's an ed psych he's making suppositions. he cannot see into the future. With support your ds could outstrip his predictions just like my two have. Go to the SN boards and let them help you secure a statement which will mean the school will be legally required to meet your child's needs regardless of their funding issues.

OMG I have heard a lot of tales about ed psychs, but I don't think I've heard any so shocking.

It sounds to me from what you say that what he said was riddled with untruths and contradictions, topped off with a completely unprofessional mode of delivery. I cannot believe anyone would tell you your son would 'always' be developmentally 2/3 of his age until he's 16 when development will magically stop. I am so

If your son gets a statement, and if more 1 to 1 hours are explicitly stated within it, then those hours MUST be paid for. It is not the school, but the local authority (who employ this guy) who are legally bound to ensure his needs are met as laid out in his statement.

Please do go over to the special needs (children) board on here. The people there really know their stuff and are so supportive.

Oh and schools do not necessarily have 'only so many TAs to go around'.

You are being fed bollocks and it is so common I could weep.

An ed psych is not a medical professional and is not qualified to give a diagnosis.

As a former developmental psychologist I'm really shocked at what that ed psych said to you. Absolutely nothing he saw in your son could ever allow him to make such ridiculous predictions. I thought that sort of bullshitting was a thing of the past.

Fwiw I worked with one articulate lovely young man who was doing brilliantly at university and who had, under his own steam, started a society for students with asd. When I read the report from an assessment done when he was 5 it said he was "non verbal low functioning and unlikely to live independently." Nowadays predictions like that are supposed to be avoided entirely. That ed psych is a total idiot.

Like Brucie says you are being fed rubbish. There are currently 41 TA's at dd's mainstream primary school and if a child with a statement started tomorrow the school would need to employ another TA. The school down the road might not have as many TA's but they don't have as many children with SEN either.

Perhaps it would help you to know that the ds with 8 GCSE's couldn't string a sentence together at seven, yes he still has autism but his future is nothing like itwas supposed to be thanks to him having a statement giving ft support to ensure that his needs were met.

In European countries, children don't go to school till 7 years old but by the time they reach 18 their knowledge and experiences are at the same level as their counterparts across the world. I'm sure your son can catch up with adequate help. As long as you're on board, that's 90% of success.

neolara He was sat with my DS for an hour. It was the first time he had met him. I don't know exactly what he did as I wasn't there but he did mention showing him pictures and pointing to the correct one etc and he asked him general questions about himself and his family.

He said he was easily distracted (he is right about that) and was messing about a bit by saying an answer to something that he knew wasn't right because he thought it was funny.

It was one half an hour in time. Just a snapshot. A different half hour might have had a different conclusion. He was distracted, by the ed psychs own admission. Large pinch of salt, I think.

There isn't even any logic to what he said - deafness leading to life-long learning difficulties? Wouldn't that mean all deaf children have learning difficulties?Doesn't make any sense. Echoing what everyone else has said re fighting for your son. Fwiw, my DS followed a very similar pattern for the first 2 years. He never had a hearing problem but he does have a moderate to severe speech disorder but no language disorder, his SALT thinks he is very unusual! The human brain is amazing.

What other difficulties does your DS have? Apart from speech and language, what is the delay? My DS's first assessment stated that he had comprehension delay - I knew this was nonsense. His second assessment stated he had above average language skills.

He sat up and walked late. Started talking at 12 months but only managed 6 words before he stopped possibly due to hearing. He had no more speech til he was 2.5 and he couldn't understand things either. His behaviour became worse as he was getting older but didn't understand the punishments. He has a tantrum when things don't go his way. He was slow to potty train and is still in bedtime nappies (although hopefully not for much longer). He sometimes does silly things like eating mud or play dough. He didn't play imaginatively but does now. He had no sense of danger and would just run away if I let him go ahead of me. Much of this is better now. Some things he just doesn't get

I just wang him to be happy.

How fucking dare he write off a child. Absolute crap. My daughter's story is very similar to your sons and you have to fight and prove him wrong. Once you have his written report, challenge him. It sounds like a money saving exercise by someone with a massive ego. It is very difficult to predict learning. Some kids learn as they go along, other learn all of a sudden - usually just as parents start to panic! There is plenty of time for your son to catch up and it sounds like he is doing well. Give this ed psych hell op

My husband was severely developmentally delayed as a young child and had to have 1:1 support. He's now a chemistry professor. DO NOT accept what this man has told you.

Wow Westie that is fantastic. A delay is just tat just a delay, it means that in te future children have te chance to catch up. This Ed Psych is a load of bullshit. The human brain is capable of amazing things, even dd paed said that he could and would not say about dd for the future

Jesus fucking wept.

You have just been fed the biggest lot of horseshit I think I've ever heard in relation to a child. The good news is, you don't have to swallow it.

First thing you need to do is get yourself over to the special needs board here - not because we don't want to support or help you, but because there are people there who know the system inside out and will help you work out your next steps wrt the school.

The thing you need to KNOW is that an EP IS NOT QUALIFIED to diagnose learning difficulties within a child, and if they were they certainly would not be able to do it within the confines of a 1 hour appt. An EP is there to assess any psychological barriers to your child accessing his education. That and that alone. Now, some of them are good and will perhaps go further than that, but that is their remit.

this is lea specific but as good a summary as any

Your next steps should be visiting your gp and pushing for a referral to a developmental peaditrician. Only they can make the kind of diagnosis your EP is flinging around.

As for the 'stuck at 12' thing - very, very few brains are stuck at any age. That's why even old gimmers like me can learn new stuff. Professionals just don't talk about 'mental ages' any more, for that very reason. I know a little girl with severe ASD who spoke for the first time the other week - no child is 'fixed'

Apols for caps but I'm fuming on your behalf.

Please go to the SN boards xxx

Yes, echo the SN boards.

Just wanted to say, my DS does not have the same mobility issues but has a visual impairment and also had glue ear and language delays. He is 12 now and caught up with his peers some time ago.

We did not get a statement, statement funding has been cut to only those with severe delays/learning disabilities but my DSs school still gave him extra learning support which we backed up at home.

I have no idea why they explained your DSs development to you in those terms. They are incorrect, insensitive and suggest to me that the Ed Psych you saw was perhaps not very experienced. For your peace of mind I would seek a second opinion whilst also asking your school what they are going to do and how you can back this up at home.

Also, I live in North Somsert and there are two organisations I can think of where children can access activities and parents can access support. Do you have organisations like this near you?

Can your HV help? Does your GP know of any support groups/services? Can he have more SLT via your local hospital trust. You will probably have to fight for a lot of this as unfortunately that is what parents have to do to access services for our kids.

Best of luck xx

This is utter rubbish everyone is completely different and they can have no way of knowing what the future holds or how he will develop this is a fob off ignore and good luck