to be in shock after this (long)

[Summerblaze]

DS1 has some developmental delay. We have known this since forever. He was slow to sit unaided (10 months) and to walk (18 months) but rolling, crawling, standing were about average. He was seen by a paediatrician at 18 months and was diagnosed with hyper-extensible joints. He was completely checked to see if it was part of a disorder/syndrome but all was ok and it was decided it was just one of those things. He will find it harder to run, jump, ride a bike, write but will learn to cope as he gets older.

He said his first word when he was 12 months, learned another 5 and then stopped. During his 2nd paediatrician appt when he was 2 yo, he was sent for a hearing test and he was diagnosed with glue ear. First lot of grommets/tubes caused infections and were taken out and then finally last year when he was 4.5 yo, he had them put back in and his adenoids taken out. They have now fallen out and he has passed his hearing tests.

Because of this lack of hearing, he is now very delayed. His speech and receptive language are like a 3-4 yo (he will be 6 in December) but over the last 1.5 years since his hearing has been sorted he has come on leaps and bounds. A year ago, I had to hold his hand so tight in case he ran into the road as he had no sense of danger but now I can let him run off and know that he will not just do one into the road. He is a cheery, sociable boy when things are going his way but he is very toddler like when something doesn't. He likes playing with his classmates but doesn't like it when they don't do something right, but he is a lot better than he was.

Because his understanding is so underdeveloped, obviously he needs extra support at school which they are giving him. Since he started we have set the wheels in motion to get him a statement and 1:1 help. Today we finally got the Educational Psychologist to come to see him at the school.

At the meeting afterwards, he told us that DS1 was delayed by about 3 years and that he had moderate learning difficulties that he didn't think were part of anything else but maybe due to not hearing for 3 years of his early life.

Sounds great, I thought. May get some help so he can catch up. Not so!!

Apparently the council will not give the school anymore money as they have already had their quota of SEN money but it wouldn't matter anyway as DS1 has no chance of catching up. He will always be half to 2/3rds his age. He is nearly 6 but is more like a 3 yo so when he is 9, he will be 4.5 - 6 yo and when he is 16, he will be like a 9 or 12 yo. I said, great so when he is 40, he will be 20-30 but apparently it doesn't work like that so at 16 he just stops learning and will bottom out.

He had said a few minutes before that the pots of money the council give to are those with severe needs who will never live an independent life but my son will but then tells me that DS1 will end up no older than a 12 yo.

I am shocked, confused, mad and upset that they seem to have written my beautiful boy off.

[Salmotrutta]

Since when is an Educational Psychologist a developmental neuroscientist?

Your son's delay may surely be due to neurological "interference" because of the glue ear?

If that is the case, I bet there are therapies and strategies that will expand his speech and language.

[munchkinmaster]

I'm glad you're feeling more positive. Speak to the Senco and go after as much 1:1 as possible. Get his slt on board. She may have recommendations of stuff an assigned support for learning assistant could do with him.To get 1:1 you need someone saying why he needs it.

In Scotland ' enquires' is a government funded body to advocate for parents in these situations. There may be a similar org in England? Their website may be worth a look.

Re him joining in at the party. I think that's why people don't talk about mental age anymore. His verbal reasoning and academic abilities may be behind but he is not the same as a three year old. He has the same interests, wants to join in and have the same relationships as any 6 year old.