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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy bic "for her" pens in that hope that DH will stop taking all the biros in the house?

47 replies

timeforahaircut · 22/10/2013 12:27

DH is apparently incapable of leaving a biro in the house. I buy packs of 20 at a time and I have no idea what he does with them. (I suspect his desk at work must have a biro mountain on top of it as they never re-appear at home). I have said many, many times to him that I have left some in specifically useful places such as next to the phone and that he should not take those. I supply him with several straight out of the packet and ask that he not take the ones by the phone/door/in my handbag etc. It makes no difference.

Last night was typical. He spent most of the evening on the phone (not in itself an issue, they were important calls). During that he took 3 biros that I saw, (1 from phone, 1 from letter rack, 1 from my handbag) lost them over the course of the evening and then has the cheek mid-conversation to gesture frantically at me for a pen.

This morning the only pens in the house that I can find are the DC's colouring ones.

Having seen them on a "funny Amazon reviews" thread, I am now seriously considering buying a box of "Bic for her" biros and declaring them to be mine and mine only.

Do I buy them and hope that the awful pastel lids will make DH keep his thieving hands off them or do I just accept that I need to buy 20 biros a week and still be biro-less 80% of the time?

It's a small thing but it's driving me nuts. Even the biro from my diary is missing from the pen loop thingy today, I guess that's the one he took from my handbag last night. If I took a pen from his work bag I would put it back, why won't he?

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 22/10/2013 12:33

Wow, you really could not figure this one out yourself? Blush

stopfightingandtidyupthismess · 22/10/2013 12:33

How about a fountain pen? He may think twice before taking that!

eagerbeagle · 22/10/2013 12:33

YABU - "for her" pens are a wrongness.

CreatureRetorts · 22/10/2013 12:35

YABU. Just hide the pens. Keep them in a place where you know where they are and let your DH sort himself out.

MortifiedAdams · 22/10/2013 12:35

Use pencils. he wont see any value.in stealing them.

misskatamari · 22/10/2013 12:41

Love the Ellen link Grin

Maybe you could get some if those oh so attractive pens on chain thingies they have in banks and dot those around the house?

bedlegs · 22/10/2013 12:41

LTB!

PigeonPie · 22/10/2013 12:43

The thing is - what on earth happened to the three from last night - did he eat them? They have to be somewhere, so where?

You can get pens on chains (like you used to get in the bank) which you could put by the phone.

We used to have a similar problem with my father stealing all writing implements when we were children. My Ma got so fed up with us not being able to find something to write with that one Christmas she got us all (including them) named pencils. Unfortunately, it didn't work as the pencils still migrated to his desk, but at least we could repatriate and re-allocate them!

Don't get the bics though - they're horrid. Although I don't think a fountain pen would be the answer either unless he knows that no one should ever use someone else's fountain pen (mine lives on my desk).

Original poster
timeforahaircut · 22/10/2013 12:44

I suppose I could use pencils. Don't really want to but it might be easiest and would be better than pink biros.

I tend to end up with inky fingers with fountain pens.

OP posts:
IfAtFirstUDontSucceed · 22/10/2013 12:47

My DH is the opposite. He brings mountains of pens home from work. I've got tons of the rubber banded together with regular instruction for him to take them back.
Nine of them seem to work,however when you need one.

Binkyridesagain · 22/10/2013 12:48

I have a pencil case and everyone knows that if they touch it their lives will not be worth living. They all have their own pens and pencils, if they want to use one they can get off their arses and find theirs.

IfAtFirstUDontSucceed · 22/10/2013 12:49

Flipping heck - tons of them
none of them

Original poster
timeforahaircut · 22/10/2013 12:49

Pigeon - I have no idea where they've gone. I've searched and I have to assume they leave the house and end up at his office - otherwise one day I'm going to open a secret trap-door cupboard and be buried under an avalanche of hidden biros.

I like the idea of the named pens, I've seen those in catalogues. totally naff but it just might work. But I would still have to find them in order to reclaim them.....

There isn't some random medical condition that leads people to eat biros, is there? He's not pregnant?

Like the Ellen link. The Amazon reviews are quite funny too.

OP posts:
Original poster
timeforahaircut · 22/10/2013 12:51

Hmmm pencil case - I have a pencil case I don;t use that actually looks like a make up bag. Maybe if I tell him it's a make up bag and start using it to hide pens.

OP posts:
Original poster
timeforahaircut · 22/10/2013 12:52

Ifatfirst - I am jealous!

OP posts:
fossil971 · 22/10/2013 12:53

I work in an office mostly full of men. I make sure my mug, pens etc are distinctly girly looking even thought it makes me choke, because then they don't wander off.

KittensoftPuppydog · 22/10/2013 13:02

I have a pen with a picture of a man on it. His pants drop off when you turn it to write.
Had it for years. Dh never uses it.

MinesAPintOfTea · 22/10/2013 13:02

Yanbu. Do you also have a solution for those of us whose family members actually eat pens [sadly eyes favourite pen]

youretoastmildred · 22/10/2013 13:03

I did this with an umbrella. It actually has a pink frill! It has worked, although that might be partly because it is small enough to fit IN my bag.

I feel your pain. I can't bear this sort of thing and it is the biggest area of tension in our relationship.

DP's position is "it's just a pen / knife / pair of scissors / comb / whatever it is. Get over it. We are a family. We do not need to have designated ownership of things which are useful to all of us."

My position is: But I am the only one who brings them, cleans them, maintains them, finds them, replaces them, again and a-fucking-gain, generally arranges that the house has the damn things, and you never do, so, by behaving like this you are just using my labour as a person who maintains the house as a place equipped for doing things you need to do, and not acknowledging it, and your life is better as a result of this, and mine is worse, and you are being a massive dick by refusing to invest your time in managing these resources, and also refusing to let me have my own that I manage and so can always find what I need, so how is that fair?

My bit was not in inverted commas because I have never dared say it as clearly as that. I wonder what would happen if I did (he would leave me)

TheHeadlessLadyofCannock · 22/10/2013 13:04

Stop buying biros except for some to keep in places that are exclusively yours (e.g. one to keep in your bag). Let him buy them. He's not a child. He might put a bit more care into keeping them if the pen fairy stops visiting and he has to think about it himself.

Slap him if he does the 'pen! pen!' gesture again.

And watch/listen to Bridget Christie's stand-up routine 'A Bic For Her'. Not the most consistently funny, but quite insightful about just what an insult those 'women's biros' are, and feminism more broadly.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/10/2013 13:06

I have tried doing something similar, to stop all my pens from vanishing. But it is not dh who is the main problem - it is the three dses!! I resorted to buying pink parker pens (biros and fountain), in the hopes that these wouldn't be nicked - but they still vanished!

The only thing that has cured the problem, to a large extent, is sending ds1 and ds2 off to university - and now my pens are much safer.

This probably isn't an option for your dh, though, OP!

Original poster
timeforahaircut · 22/10/2013 13:17

It's interesting to me that it seems to have worked for the few who've tried it.

Youretoastmildred - that's exactly how I feel too. It's the kind of thing that is small in itself but signifies more and undermines a relationship.

Headless lady - We don't really have places that are exclusively mine/his, we never have done. Maybe I will have to but it would feel a bit like the first nail in the coffin of the marriage. I also don't actually want to hide pens. My aim in this is to have pens available where they are regularly needed - eg by phone, in handbag. I just want him to leave them there when he's done with them. If I have to act like a child then it's not much of a marriage. maybe it isn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
timeforahaircut · 22/10/2013 13:22

SDTG - I can't afford to send him to uni! I'm sure he'd love to go though. So pink pens didn't work for you, back to the drawing board... I'm now thinking some kind of transfer or sticker on the pens.., very tempted by the naked man pen upthread but think may be tricky with DC.

OP posts:
TheHeadlessLadyofCannock · 22/10/2013 13:23

OP, the suggestion about keeping your own was a minor one really –I just meant, if you normally keep a pen in your bag or wherever as well as the ones you have around the house, you could stop buying house ones and just retain 'yours' IYSWIM. If you don't, then the suggestion doesn't really apply.

My main point was that by continuing to buy pens even when he can't keep hold of them, you're enabling him to keep being irresponsible.

stupidlybroody · 22/10/2013 13:26

When you're next in the bank ask if you can borrow a pen. My mum did this about a month ago as the one chained to the desk had ran out and the guy seeing to her gave her an unopened box to go home with! They might still go missing, but at least they will have been free!

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