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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get my dc up every morning and drop them at breakfast club at 7.30?

69 replies

Whitegrenache · 22/10/2013 09:09

They are only 4 and 7!
I feel so awful waking them up from their snuggly warm beds and getting them dressed half asleep.

They have been fantastic and dp is working away so I have no other choice but I feel so damn guilty...

Please tell me I won't do any long term lasting damage to them??

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 22/10/2013 19:44

That sounds like a normal time to be up / out. Don't worry!

Milliways · 22/10/2013 19:52

My DD was at Nursery from 6m old. I asked her last year if she ever resented the nursery, childminder, after-school & holiday club arrangements (She is now married!) and she assured me she didn't. She knew we always did the best we could to balance work/life & childcare.

Don't beat yourself up. I have 2 very well adjusted adult children who spent significant amounts of time in all sorts of childcare.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 22/10/2013 19:58

overitalready - :( There has to be a better option than that, for all of you! Au Pair? DD staying over a few nights a week, your Mum staying at yours a few nights a week? Lottery win... something. That is a dire thing to have to do - for all of you :(

janey68 · 22/10/2013 20:08

It doesn't sound particularly out of the ordinary to me. From the age of a few months, mine were dropped at childcare 3 days a week at 7.45, and when the youngest started school age 4, I returned full time so they were dropped 5 days a week with a lovely childminder who then walked them to school. Mix of after school club and cm between 3.30- 5 pm

They are both teenagers now and totally sorted well adjusted people- no damage here!

Original poster

Whitegrenache · 22/10/2013 20:14

Overitalready.... That's sounds tough and makes my dilemma sound pathetic! You deserve a medal for working a job which requires such an early job, and I admire you

Yes I don't feel quite so guilty when the darling DC are up at 6.30 watching tv on a weekend !!! But the pain is eased as I can lie in bed

OP posts:

nothingbyhalves · 22/10/2013 21:12

My dt's (3) have gone to breakfast club 3 times a week starting at 7:45 as I have to be in work by 8:30. They love it.

I do feel guilty but its our only option. Every day after I've kissed them goodbye I walk out and look back feeling a gush of guilt until I see them playing with other children if a variety of ages.

It does them good to mix with such a range if other children. We bump into older children when we are out and about who know them from breakfast club and apparently older kids have taken a really protective role to my boys!

linroz · 22/10/2013 21:16

It's always easy to feel guilty, working full time (have for many years) I drop my children at cm or breakfast club by 8 pick up 530 to 6, have to work full time as I am single parent. I am lucky I love my job, but often feel guilty that I am never at the school. However all my children are sociable and doing well at school and to be honest cant think of how to support us all otherwise! You sound like a lovely caring parent .

Spidermama · 23/10/2013 05:12

Hmmm not easy this one. I gave up work - or rather went freelance so did massively reduced hours - because I wanted to be there for my children. It meant we were very poor for a while.

I had 4 children and now the oldest is 8. I've battled hard to get my career back and have finally achieved that though I would say I list 10 years in momentum and am at a reduced salary.

It's a massive sacrifice when I look back but I don't think I'd do it any differently and it felt like the right thing to do for them.

eastendfareast · 23/10/2013 05:28

My 5 year old is out of the house at 7 for his school bus (we live in Asia) and it's very normal here so please don't beat yourself up about it! The downside is the adjustment of their body clocks so that they are up at the crack of dawn every single day of the week, yawn....

JoandMax · 23/10/2013 05:42

I get my 3 and 5 year olds up at 6am everyday - school and pre-school start at 7.30am here and we have to leave at 7am. Its done them no harm whatsoever!!

changeforthebetter · 23/10/2013 05:59

My DC do 5 days a week 0730-1800. It's a bit shit but working FT is the only way to sustain a modestly decent lifestyle (salary still well below the national average). We are all shattered now because it's nearly half term. My saving grace is that I don't have to work in the school holidays - we sleep a lot then. I would be seriously tempted to punch anyone who made such unhelpful comments (I wouldn't actually resort to violence, I would just repress it and )

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 23/10/2013 06:04

IME, children love breakfast club. It's a lovely positive start to the day.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 23/10/2013 06:05

... and yes, the real advantage is mixing naturally with children of different ages.

thanksamillion · 23/10/2013 06:46

My DD1 who is 8 has to be at the bus stop for school at 6.40am and she's been doing this for the last year. DS leaves for school at 7.30. It's not that early and so long as they are getting to bed at a reasonable time it sounds fine.

janey68 · 23/10/2013 06:51

The message coming across loud and clear here is that even though mums sometimes feel guilty, this is probably just because of social conditioning, and the children themselves are fine! To be honest life would have been easer for me (in the short term) if I hadn't had to get everyone up at 6am, but it made no difference to the children, and that's what actually matters

solveproblem · 23/10/2013 07:04

Janey, I absolutely agree with that! From my own experience, I grew up somewhere where it was the norm to go to breakfast and after school club and I had no problems with it.

I obviously don't know how my parents were feeling about it but I never got the impression they were feeling guilty as in most households both parents worked.

It wasn't until I moved to the UK I started feeling guilty about being a working mother.

I'm not trying to say that one thing is right and the other wrong, but how parents are feeling about it does depend on what is the norm where you live.

spookyskeleton · 23/10/2013 07:11

I totally agree with the majority of posters - it will do them no harm whatsoever! My 2 go to breakfast club and after school club 3 days a week so have an 8-5.30 day and they are absolutely fine

I was talking to my mum the other day (because my niece wants to go to after school club every day even when she doesn't need to) and she said that when we were children we went and played with friends after school every day so this is just the modern form of that - the kids get to play with friends and the only difference is that we have to pay for it now

overitalready · 23/10/2013 09:06

Chipping - I do 4 on 4 off shift and 2 of them DD stays @ my mums so she has 2 days of proper rested sleep. I did look into an au pair but i dont think my wage could manage it. I would love the lottery win though! Just have to hang on for a few more years until she can walk to school by herself.

White - Not pathetic, were all mums. Therefore the guilt factor remains with us no matter what we do. I could cry some mornings when i have to wake her up but as i say a roof over our heads & food in the fridge has to come from somewhere. Hang on in there

Retropear · 23/10/2013 09:31

Kids differ as do circumstances and settings so far too easy to say all kids are fine.

Mine would be shite(we are a family who needs sleep and lots of it) as they love to read and often do until 9pm so an early start like that would have an impact on school.

With light,homework,clubs and other kids playing outside it isn't always that easy to make up for an early start with an early night. Some of my friends have grandparents come round to do the school run for that reason.

Research repeatedly shows sleep has a huge impact on development and academic progress.However research also shows the benefits of bfing which mine didn't have much of.There are countless ideals in parenting which everybody won't do so op it is pointless worrying about it if you have no choice.It is what it is,you have no choice so that's it.You pick them up at 3.30 so are better placed than most to get them in to bed early to make up for it.

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