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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a word with this girl?

57 replies

GruffBillyGoat · 22/10/2013 08:22

My dog has many bad habits, but never barks. We worked very hard when she was a puppy to teach her not to bark as we know how annoying it is for our neighbours.

The young girl next door seems fascinated by the dog, but not in a good way. Last year I had to speak with her about throwing plums over the fence, as any stone fruit is a choking risk. I calmly explained that while the dog may love the plums, and I knew she was trying to be nice (though I did suspect otherwise) that they could hurt the dog, and asked her nicely to stop. Plums continued to appear.

This week the dog has started barking, a lot. In particular at the children playing on the road (whole other AIBU thread). I have been very stern with her about it, and at the same time trying to figure out what was causing it.

Today I solved the mystery, I was out with the dog where from next door the girl could see the dog but not me, and the girl was up a tree that borders our property hissing at the dog. I yelled at the dog to be quiet and the girl heard me, but continued to hiss until I stepped in to view at which point she became quite sweet and started to tell me about her day.

Am I being a cranky old lady, or am I right to be concerned about this girl and worried about leaving the dog outside when I am not here? What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 22/10/2013 08:25

Speak to her parents?

Twitterqueen · 22/10/2013 08:26

How old is the girl?
Can you invite her round so that she can learn more about your dog and make friends with it? If she's young she might like to feel it's a bit 'her dog' too, then she won't tease it.

Justforlaughs · 22/10/2013 08:26

How old is the girl? have a word with her mum.

RigglinJigglin · 22/10/2013 08:27

Can you speak to her parents?

cathpip · 22/10/2013 08:28

I would be quite frankly pissed off that your hard work is being undone by what sounds like a not very nice little girl! My dogs have also been trained not to bark because I don't want it disturbing neighbours, I think a more sterner word with the girl and a chat with the parents is in order (they probably do not realise she is doing it) she probably finds the whole thing very funny, but silly little games like this with other people's dogs can go sour very quickly, and the end result will be your dog getting the blame.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/10/2013 08:31

I agree with cath

You explained simply and she ignored you. She instantly stopped when you clocked her, she knows exactly what she is doing us wrong and it's done on purpose.

I'd talk to the mum, if it was my kid I'd wanna know and she'd be in trouble big time.

BonaDea · 22/10/2013 08:36

Yanbu. Have a word.

And children who are cruel to animals turn into serial killers. Trufax.

comedycentral · 22/10/2013 08:37

She's just a little girl you need to speak to her parents

Original poster

GruffBillyGoat · 22/10/2013 08:40

I will have a quick word with her mum. Though I do worry that getting her in to trouble will cause her to take it out on the dog. She is probably between 7 and 9, but clearly knows that what she is doing is wrong.

She always comes across as sweet as pie, but for some reason I always get a bad vibe from her (not that I show it in any way). Roughly a month ago we came home to a flower in our letterbox from her, and she always wants to talk to me.

My biggest concern is that I want children, and I hate the idea that the pup, who up until now loved children (we used to live near a school and every day at 3 on the dot she would run to the gate to watch the children walk past and get the occasional pat, which meant I had to drop everything and run out and supervise but it was so cute you can't complain) may grow to distrust or hate kids because of this one girl.

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/10/2013 08:43

Can you fix the fence in a way where she can't get to the dog?

Original poster

GruffBillyGoat · 22/10/2013 08:49

Unfortunately we rent and the fence is lined by trees on their side which she climbs to get to the dog. So there is no way to bar her from seeing the dog.

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/10/2013 08:51

Let's hope you have some luck with the parents then. Mind you she may well charm her way out of it going by what you have said.

Slipshodsibyl · 22/10/2013 08:58

If she's aged only 7 to 9 i think She's just a bit bored or lonely and is getting a reaction from the dog which is fun, not intentionally cruel. I'd wait before telling the parents. Maybe ask the mum if she'd like to come and see the dog or walk it and then explain how you train it? If it seems appropriate say she seems interested in your dog and it would help you to have a child it can be friends with so that it is always used to small children.

ask if she would like to try getting it to sit, shake paws etc. she has put a flower through the door she isn't out to get you. Complaining to mum first might set up a bad reaction.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/10/2013 09:08

If she didn't mean to then surely she eouldvt have continued to throw plums over? And she wouldn't have suddenly stopped hissing and been all sweetness and light.

She knows. Kids know, they aren't stupid.

Original poster

GruffBillyGoat · 22/10/2013 09:11

Slipshod the thing is that she seems very interested in the dog, but does not appear to like the dog at all. I have heard her speaking very sternly to the dog, and suspect that the random rocks I have been finding are coming from her but did not want to put a suspicion in the OP.

Her liking me does not mean that she likes the dog, and the dog has plenty of child friends that have always behaved appropriately around her. They also have dogs at their house on occasion, I think they foster, so she is aware of how she should behave around dogs. I have seen her yelling at these dogs too, but never playing with them.

I have put a stop to taking the dog out to see other children she knows because of the aggressive barking that this girl has instigated.

OP posts:

MalcolmTuckersMistress · 22/10/2013 09:13

She sounds like a goading little brat. I'd have words with the parents, but fingers crossed that they don't think their precious little angel wouldn't do such a thing. Must have been tempting to throw plumbs at her while she was up the tree though?

TheHouseCleaner · 22/10/2013 09:18

Rocks?!

You can't leave your dog in the garden unattended in view of that, can you?

She's old enough to know better and she's old enough to understand being told very firmly not to do it. Why on earth wouldn't you just give her strong words?

Fairydogmother · 22/10/2013 09:26

I've had this happen too! Next doors grandson constantly winds up my dogs (they leave him out the back to do whatever he likes?!) and it drives me mad. He started throwing stones in the other day and I lost it. I called him by name and told him to STOP what he was doing or I would be round to speak to his parents and grandparents.

He did actually stop

SugarHut · 22/10/2013 09:27

The boys next door did this to my dog. He's got an infuriating "small yappy type dog" bark. I found that he'd go outside and bark continuously on occasions. I would open the door and shout at the dog, he'd stop for 20 seconds then start up again. After a while I pretended I had gone in but hid around the side of the house, and saw the dog run to the fence that separates our houses, the two boys popped up and were barking at him.

"Boys? Do you not hear me coming outside trying to stop him barking? Please do not wind him up." Cue two red faced young monkeys looking sheepishly at each other.

Done. They might have gone in and whined a little about the bossy lady next door, but really, what could their mother have said to me?

I'd speak to the mother, in a super apologetic and nice way, explaining that she's throwing things over the fence and one of the rocks nearly hit the dog, and maybe that you've had to prise a plum out of his mouth because he was choking on it. No "I think she might have..." leave no doubt in the mother's mind that you have witnessed this so she can't sidetrack the problem with doubts that her child even did it. Explain that he's started barking because she hisses at him and it's now possibly causing behavioural problems with other children. Say that you want to fix this together, and you've just invested in some expensive and intensive dog training, so for the time being, whilst you are doing this with him, it would be really helpful if she could speak to DD about the dangers of throwing things over the fence and to not try and attract his attention over the fence.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/10/2013 09:27

fairy

Good for you.

CiderBomb · 22/10/2013 09:36

Next time you find rocks in your garden, chuck them back over the fence.

What a horrible little brat. I agree with the poster above who says that children who torment animals turn out to be highly unpleasant as adults.

Fairydogmother · 22/10/2013 09:38

I have to admit its very hard not to want to throttle the little sods tho lol

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/10/2013 09:41

You were very reatrained :)

My dds have been taught from day one to be kind to animals, how to stroke them etc. They'd not see daylight for a week if I found out they'd been throwing rocks at my neighbours dog!!

Unacceptable

olgaga · 22/10/2013 09:41

I think next time you catch her doing this, tell her you will have to speak to her parents if she continues to mistreat your dog.

That may be enough, if not follow through.

Original poster

GruffBillyGoat · 22/10/2013 09:43

Cider they sure do, I used to live with one of them. He would gleefully regale us with tales of the torture and torment which he inflicted on their cats, then wondered why my cat kept pissing on his bed (while he was still in it, love that cat).

I heard her and her friends yelling about a "cute kitty" the other day, and immediately searched our house to find the cat and make sure it wasn't him.

The mother is lovely, as are her two boys, but the girl just makes me .

And yes I am a crazy dog lady, at first I started removing the stones from the plums so dog could still eat them, but it turns out if there is no danger there is no fun and she didn't want them anymore.

OP posts:

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