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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a word with this girl?

57 replies

GruffBillyGoat · 22/10/2013 08:22

My dog has many bad habits, but never barks. We worked very hard when she was a puppy to teach her not to bark as we know how annoying it is for our neighbours.

The young girl next door seems fascinated by the dog, but not in a good way. Last year I had to speak with her about throwing plums over the fence, as any stone fruit is a choking risk. I calmly explained that while the dog may love the plums, and I knew she was trying to be nice (though I did suspect otherwise) that they could hurt the dog, and asked her nicely to stop. Plums continued to appear.

This week the dog has started barking, a lot. In particular at the children playing on the road (whole other AIBU thread). I have been very stern with her about it, and at the same time trying to figure out what was causing it.

Today I solved the mystery, I was out with the dog where from next door the girl could see the dog but not me, and the girl was up a tree that borders our property hissing at the dog. I yelled at the dog to be quiet and the girl heard me, but continued to hiss until I stepped in to view at which point she became quite sweet and started to tell me about her day.

Am I being a cranky old lady, or am I right to be concerned about this girl and worried about leaving the dog outside when I am not here? What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
FreakinRexManningDay · 22/10/2013 10:29

I agree with the poster who said she was a goading little brat. Tell her parents exactly what she's doing.

Also I see her family fosters dogs. I don't think its a good thing for traumatised dogs to be around someone who seems intent on teasing them.

LackingEnergy · 22/10/2013 11:28

Tell the parents what she's doing and ask them to prevent further issues. I'd also politely hint that massive vets bills are a likely result from eating plum stones bitter memory of first dog eating a peach stone and emergency operation and that the bill would be forwarded to them if that's the only way the dog could have ingested the plums.

No one wants a massive vets bill especially if the animal in question isn't yours

Yep children who are cruel to animals turn into nasty adults. Can never trust and adult or child who harms animals

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/10/2013 11:30

Yep children who are cruel to animals turn into nasty adults. Can never trust and adult or child who harms animals

Agree completely!!!

There's no excuse

vtechjazz · 22/10/2013 13:33

If this were me, I'd invest in CCTV! I bought a camera years ago during a crime wave in our street and its so useful! If the girl is told you will film her, and show it to the police/RSPCA then I'm pretty sure she will stop.

mrsjay · 22/10/2013 14:49

tell her to leave your dog alone and not to throw anything over the fence and then say you will speak to her parents if she cant or wont behave she sounds a little so n so who is just teasing your dog out of boredom and naughtyness

Ifcatshadthumbs · 22/10/2013 14:57

You need to adopt a very stern voice and say to her very clearly "stop teasing my dog, if you do it again I am going to be speaking to parents as I'm getting very cross about this."

Unless she's a total deviant I'm pretty sure it will do the trick. I often think children respond better to a stern word from an adult other than their parents as I think it makes them realise they've over stepped the mark.

mrsjay · 22/10/2013 15:05

ou need to adopt a very stern voice and say to her very clearly "stop teasing my dog, if you do it again

this no discussion with the girl just tell her off

Awitchwithoutchips · 22/10/2013 16:00

Throw the stone back and knock her out of the tree! Probably shouldn't!
I have had this in the past, kids goading the dogs to make them bark & throwing stuff. We moved, kids next door started throwing stones and barking, we put a bigger fence up. Luckily I had a breed of dog that doesn't really bark much. They have recently got a dog, I fear for its well being. I can't stand cruelty to animals

pixiepotter · 22/10/2013 16:02

she probably doesn't know she is being mean.she probably just things its fun getting the dog to bark, and at this time of year the plums will be falling off the tree.
At thatb age I would never have known that hissing and feeding a dog plums were bad things to do

FlapJackOLantern · 22/10/2013 16:06

Really pixie? Of COURSE she knows she's being horrible, or why would she stop when the OP came into view and caught her?

Naoko · 22/10/2013 16:11

You've tried with the child, it hasn't helped, so go to the parents. The kids next door were being a pain in the arse last year kicking footballs at my window deliberately and throwing waterballoons through my letterbox, I asked them to stop, they didn't, I told them off, they still didn't stop, so I had a chat with their mum, there was shouting, and two very sheepish little boys appeared in the back garden with markedly improved behaviour shortly after.

You've been a reasonable neighbour and acted like an adult by politely asking a child to stop doing something childish and irresponsible, she hasn't and she's very young, so at that point it's entirely reasonable to talk to her parents because they are responsible for her behaviour.

MrsWolowitz · 22/10/2013 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/10/2013 16:13

Pixie - my dd at two/three would have understood she shouldn't do it, and she sure as hell wouldn't throw plums in a garden after being told they could CHOKE the dog.

It's purposeful mean behaviour

mrsjay · 22/10/2013 16:19

if you were being told Pixie not to do it and kept on doing ityou would know it was wrong yes she thinks its fun to make the dog bark doesn't mean she isn't teasing the dog children do know not to annoy animals they do it becuase it seems fun to them doesn't make it right though

fluffyraggies · 22/10/2013 16:25

I agree with the having a stern word approach - tell the girl you have seen her throwing things like plums and rocks over the fence and seen her winding the dog up and that you are getting angry.

If it continues after that then go to the mum. Maybe with one of the rocks and plums.

Does the plum tree hang over your garden?

vtechjazz · 22/10/2013 16:34

Evil thought: tell her for every plum and stone you find in your garden, you will KILL a fairy!

SpottyDottie · 22/10/2013 16:45

I would be chucking the plums back tbh and not feeding them to the dog but definitely agree that stern words are called for.

Gileswithachainsaw · 22/10/2013 16:56

vtech

That would depend on whether she cared, or whether she would call ops bluff. Hmm

Not to sure considering she already knows full well she could hurt the dog.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 22/10/2013 17:11

Stern telling off and threaten to tell her parents if it doesn't stop and follow through with the threat.

There's a difference in kids being overexcited and trying to get a dog to give them attention and continuing to do something they've been told is dangerous. The hissing to make him bark I could even understand as misplaced enthusiasm, if she hadn't stopped as soon as she saw OP. That tells me she knew full well she was being naughty

Original poster
GruffBillyGoat · 23/10/2013 05:44

Thanks all for the advice, OH thinks I'm being a bit paranoid about it so it is good to hear that I'm not crazy. He isn't around during the day and misses most of it, and thinks I have it in for her because she used to creep me out when we first moved in by sitting in the tree and watching us (she really is a bit odd, the more I think about it the more things I remember).

Dog is staying very close to me at the moment, and as soon as I catch her doing anything to the dog we will be having a very stern conversation.

And no the plum tree does not overhang the fence, she had to pick them then climb the tree to throw them over.

OP posts:
Original poster
GruffBillyGoat · 23/10/2013 05:51

Pixie she knows that when the dog barks she gets in trouble, she could hear me yelling at the dog and stopped as soon as she saw me. She knows what she is doing is wrong.

OP posts:
Sunnysummer · 23/10/2013 09:48

My cousin used to do this to our dogs. She's still awful.

I'd strongly suggest talking to the parents because either (a) she's just a bit of a boundary pusher all around and they can help you to set her straight or (2) she's a nasty little so and so who will see trouble coming, so if you talk to her first she will be sure to prep her parents with her own version.

As people have said up the thread, you can have a friendly and constructive chat with the parents that's not about labelling their little girl but about helping to teach behaviour with dogs - as they foster themselves, they are clearly dog lovers so will hopefully not start out from a position of blaming your poor pet!

NomDeOrdinateur · 23/10/2013 11:23

This probably sounds paranoid, but I don't think I'd let the dog into the garden without checking for hazards first (and supervising). It's clear that she's (at the very least) not bothered about seriously harming him or the chat about plum stones would have done the trick, and if she has any access to the internet it will be easy for her to find out plenty of seemingly innocuous things that are invariably lethal to dogs... Sad

BaldricksTurnip · 23/10/2013 11:33

Don't mess about being polite to her, tell her in a very stern voice to leave your dog alone or you'll be extremely cross and will be speaking to her parents. I am shocking at telling other peoples kids off and always find it hard but my DH (who loves kids and is great with them) will quite happily bark at a child to behave if they're doing something naughty. It works. You are a grown up and have a right to let your dog out in your own garden without him being interfered with by neighbouring children.

Mandy2003 · 23/10/2013 11:53

Hissing!! Good Lord!!