Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

With regard to dh's family

40 replies

thegreylady · 21/10/2013 23:32

Later this year dh and I are celebrating our Silver Wedding. It will also be an early 70th birthday celebration for me. We have booked a YHA hostel in a lovely place and all our families and friends were invited.
The problem is that some of dh's nephews and nieces have accepted for them selves and their adult children So invitations for 8 have produced acceptances from 18 and I don't know what to do.
I have no sibs and have invited my cousins with separate invites for their adult children. Dh had one sister who died before we were married. We have had little contact with her 5 children (Christmas cards at best). However the invitations, sent to these people have caused them to say eg: " There will be 8 of us coming" and "There will be 5 of us."
Dh is as fed up as I am yet we feel we can't say no to them. The hostel can accommodate them but it means that out of 50 guests 18 will be one extended family group who I hardly know. What do you think we could/ should do?

OP posts:

MissMuesli · 21/10/2013 23:34

If you can afford it I would say maybe everyone coming would be lovely. It depends on the dynamics of the family, but I would LOVE an opportunity for the whole family to be together! YANBU for not being happy though, the choice is yours and your DHs. (Although I imagine it might be awkward saying "actually your children weren't invited")

TheTruffleHunter · 21/10/2013 23:36

if you aren't short of space this is lovely news. If you only have space for those specifically invited however...Will these extra family members push out others? If not then why not welcome them with open arms? They want to celebrate your happy anniversary & birthday with you so take this as an opportunity to get to know them better.

attheendoftheday · 21/10/2013 23:39

I think your dh needs to ring them to explain there's been a misunderstanding. You'd love to invite everyone, but space and finances won't allow it, so you are only able to invite x people. It may be a slight white lie if the hostel will accommodate more, but that's a lot of uninvited people to pay for, and I guess you'd prefer to invite your friends or other family.

Hopefully they'll have just misunderstood and will be mortified!

Original poster

thegreylady · 21/10/2013 23:40

What lovely comments I may be beginning to see this in a different way. It will cost a bit more but there is room though we won't be able to have a sit down meal together.

OP posts:

Original poster

thegreylady · 21/10/2013 23:44

The problem is that we will feel mortified if we try to get out of it now! Just typing it out made us feel less stressed. Our first instinct was to try to get out of it but we were so astonished that the initial moment passed. If we get an invitation we don't think it includes our adult dc!
The party is between Christmas and New Year so I suppose it is a family time for them all to get together too.

OP posts:

ancientbuchanan · 21/10/2013 23:45

I think it's lovely they all want to come. How nice you and your DH must be for it to be so.

A few casseroles if food and a buffet sound great. And there will be more of them to do the washing up..

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2013 23:48

Congratulations

It does sound like it will be a lovely family get together...especially as (in my family anyway) weddings are quite rare so the whole family only tend to meet at funerals.

How about a buffet instead of a sit down meal?

BillyGoatintheBuff · 21/10/2013 23:49

Actually you should take it as a massive compliment if you can accommodate them all and finances allow, just picture one huge family gathering in honor of you and your dh.

It might be a lovely opportunity to meet new family members and share some good times with them. The younger generations might strike up new friendships!

I hope it all turns out well for you, and lots of acceptances is probably better than lots of refusals. :)

Luckypaws · 21/10/2013 23:50

I'd be flattered in way.

All these people want to join you in your celebration.

If however it is not convenient then I'm sure they wont mind if you just explain that to them

Hope you all have a lovely time

MairzyDoats · 21/10/2013 23:51

They must really like you and your husband to all want to come. Which is rather lovely

timidviper · 21/10/2013 23:52

My first thought was to tell them no but on thinking about it, if you can afford to do it and it is possible, it would be a lovely family get-together and will probably make great memories for you all for years to come

holidaysarenice · 21/10/2013 23:55

Its probably because its between christmas and new year. When people want to have there family around them as well.

BackforGood · 21/10/2013 23:55

If you've booked a YHA hostel 'Escape to' then you will have booked out the whole place, so, if - as you say - there's room, then surely it's a good thing that the cost can now be shared between more people.
If you feel you had wanted to pay for the accommodation, then it's still no change, as you will be paying for the hostel whether 6 people or 60 people come.
If it's paying for food, then you send an e-mail round to everyone saying "There seems to have been some confusion, but it's lovely that more people than we originally planned want to join the family meet up. However, in light of the higher than anticipated numbers, we've now decided to have a buffet, with each family providing something towards it. Aunty Joan will you bring a sweet, Uncle Fred can you bring some kind of cold meats / chicken drumsticks, Dave, can you bring bread, butter, crisps, etc., .. remember you are catering for 40 people".
Sorted

Original poster

thegreylady · 22/10/2013 00:09

We have booked the whole hostel but are being charged per head (£30) for two nights so 10 extra people is £300 . We have decided to asy evryone for a cntribution to the cost of the accommodation instead of bringing a present. We won't suggest a figure so if people are hard up they won't feel they have to give a lot.
We will relax, rejoice and celebrate. We have save £500 for food and have bought 30 bottles of wine. Our dc will buy beer and soft drinks. It will be fine. I am unreasonable to worry :)

OP posts:

MissMuesli · 22/10/2013 00:15

Grey..... can I come? Sounds amazing!

TheTruffleHunter · 22/10/2013 00:40

If you're close to the people you wee intending to invite then I'm sure a suggestion to contribute to the wine pile won't go amiss! Hope you all have a lovely time!

HangingGardenofBabbysBum · 22/10/2013 08:45

What a lovely thread! I hope you both have a wonderful time and congratulations and happy birthday.

Original poster

thegreylady · 22/10/2013 09:32

Right here we go :) we are off to the hostel this morning to pay and look at the rooms. One of my friemds who used to sing with a group which put out a few cds of the 'folk' genre is going to sing as is one of dh's friends who does lots of club and pub gigs.
The older dgc are doing scenes from A Midsummer Night's Dream and the littlies are doing Peter Rabbit! Dd and a couple of our friends have offered to organise the food and I have been told to 'let 'em all come' :)

OP posts:

Tuppenceinred · 22/10/2013 09:37

I would send out another card to confirm with everyone. Tell them exactly what's included and suggest that as you're "self catering" bring a bottle would be appreciated. When the booze runs out kettles, coffee and tea will be available...

Original poster

thegreylady · 22/10/2013 10:26

Good idea Tuppence we have bought invite cards to follow on from 'save the date' cards sent earlier this year. The current spate of extra guests came from the first batch which we sent to dh's family as we hadn't heard from them for so long.

OP posts:

lalamumto3 · 22/10/2013 12:19

What a lovely idea and how special to have so many joining you. I have hosted several large family gatherings, so here is what I have done;

I would do a group email to everyone, explaining how the 2 days will work. For example, you could let them know the sleeping arrangements, if bedding, towels etc are provided, the catering arrangements for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Is breakfast provided ? if not, it may be worth asking people to bring their own breakfast stuff, you could say you will provide the basics, such as bread, butter, milk, orange juice, tea and coffee, but that way you won't have to provide everything and they can make sure that they have what they would like to eat.
You could suggest a walk and a pub lunch on one day, no need to think about food that day.
I would also explain that you are providing some wine and beer, but that any donations would also be welcome. you could joke that the nearest shop is x miles away!
Finally I would really think about getting paper table cloths and paper plates in, I think it makes it all so much easier if you only have to wash up cutlery and glasses.

I tend to host the big family gatherings that we have and I have found that people always want to contribute to ease the load. Ours tend to be for about 20 and that is quite a lot if you are doing it all yourself. However, when you spread it out it all becomes much easier, therefore, I would also always ask people to bring a dish or 2, it is amazing how interesting a buffet becomes when you get dishes from different people and it also creates a lovely feeling and something to chat about when people discuss the lovely foods.

Have a wonderful time. Our family gatherings are very special and something that we all love. I am sure that yours will be very special, filled with much love and laughter and the source of many special memories.

Original poster

thegreylady · 22/10/2013 17:59

Thanks lala some really useful suggestions there.We went to the hostel today and paid the balance.We told them about the expanding numbers and they were great-they have given us extra rooms at no extra charge which is a relief.One of the huge group rang this afternoon and asked if he and his gf could have a double room to themselves and I found the courage to say no :) We are putting the 18 in 3 rooms each with 6 beds and they can sort it among themselves :)
The total is now 52 with one lot still to confirm numbers.My dd and my best friends have agreed to sort out the catering for us-we will give them the money and they will do it.
I thought pizza and salad on arrival or go to the pub.
Breakfast we will provide basics like cereal and bread and spreads and milk as well as eggs.
Lunch we expect folks to diy.
Party from 4pm till bedtime with choice of hot/cold food and some salads and desserts as well as many nibbles.
Kids entertainment at 6ish followed by a formalish bit for speeches etc then a sort of concert and a lot of chat and fun we hope!

OP posts:

lalamumto3 · 22/10/2013 23:20

Hi
That sounds like a great plan and a lot of fun. Well done for saying no to the couple, can you imagine the fall out if they all wanted doubles.

Hope you have a great do.

WaitMonkey · 23/10/2013 01:48

Have you posted about this before ? It sounds wonderful. A real once in a lifetime opportunity to get the whole family together. I do hope you will let us know how it goes. When is it ?

Original poster

thegreylady · 23/10/2013 11:27

I posted about whether or not to send save the date cards and whether it was ok to ask for a contribution :) well remembered WaitMonkey.
It is all going ahead now and contributions to the cost have been asked for. No one minded at all thank goodnesss. The accommodation is only £15 per head per night and we are not charging for under 16s.
It is between Christmas and New Year and I will do a chat post on how it goes.
My latest headache is allocating rooms as it is a Youth Hostel the double rooms are a two tier bunk which may not work for older folk but they may not want to share bigger rooms. Nomatter it all work itslf out my dd tells me.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2