Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it odd that MIL stands right over me when bfding

42 replies

fibrecruncher · 21/10/2013 20:49

I find it really claustophobic!! She literally comes over and stands infront or sits right next to me and stares. I know she's just admiring her darling grandson but it really drives me nuts!! Anyone else had this experience? I am not sure if there is a delicate way for me to tell her to back off...

OP posts:
Iamsparklyknickers · 21/10/2013 20:50

What's your squirting distance like?

CruCru · 21/10/2013 20:53

A friend's Mil would do this (or perch on the arm of the sofa). Perhaps when she does it, give her jobs to do - get you a glass of water? I don't have anything more constructive I'm afraid.

Mouthfulofquiz · 21/10/2013 20:53

HAhahahahaha

yoniwherethesundontshine · 21/10/2013 20:54

Ask her if she would like a suck too?

Mouthfulofquiz · 21/10/2013 20:54

I'm laughing at the idea of squirting someone sitting too close - sorry, looked a bit deranged there just randomly laughing!

PrincessChick · 21/10/2013 20:54

I always use a mamascarf with in laws and relatives who I don't want to see or would be offended. Maybe think about one for yourself as this would stop the staring as there wouldn't be anything to see. Or you could tell her you feel uncomfortable? Or feed in another room. Depends on what terms you're on / how you feel.

Sparkly Grin

Lora1982 · 21/10/2013 20:55

My mum used to do this, I just said 'do you mind/ do you have to?'

sandiy · 21/10/2013 20:57

Ask her to fetch you a drink and a snack that should do it.

Quinandthem · 21/10/2013 21:00

I know exactly what you mean.

Being new to bf (and being in my own home) I would literally get my whole boob out and she would be right there when feeding my dd and even kissing her on the head whilst she was feeding (if she was popping out when staying with us).

All I could think is that she is basically kissing my boob.

Ham69 · 21/10/2013 21:02

My fil always did this! I used to edge as far away from him on the sofa as possible and ignore him until he went away. He has no idea about personal space. I wish I'd thought of Iamsparkly's suggestion though. Brilliant!

SanityClause · 21/10/2013 21:04

Is this the only thing she does that you dislike? In which case, get over it. This is likely to last only a few months. She's not looking at your boobs, she's looking at the baby. She's not there all the time (is she?). Really, it's only an issue if you make it one.

Calabria · 21/10/2013 21:07

My lovely MIL used to do it too. I'm not very good at delicate so just told her I hated being loomed over and she stopped doing it.

MamaBear17 · 21/10/2013 21:09

I would use a breastfeeding apron and sit in a chair so she can't see or sit next to you. Would drive me nuts too!

WeAreEternal · 21/10/2013 21:10

I would start using a BFing shawl/blanket/pashmina/poncho to cover up until she gets the hint.

monkeysox · 21/10/2013 21:12

At least she doesn't shut the blinds and give disapproving looks. My mil did if we visited their house, funny how we didn't go much.

bigfuckoffpie · 21/10/2013 21:16

My Mum was quite starey and once started stroking DS' head when he was feeding, which made me really uncomfortable. I pulled away and said something like "Don't do that", she looked annoyed but she stopped. I think it doesn't hurt to remind people they're getting in your personal space.

selsigfach · 21/10/2013 21:21

monkey what a bitch!

Must confess to being a bit starey - it's just so lovely to see a mum breastfeeding, and I'm insanely broody! Kissing baby on the head is definitely taking it too far though!

runawaysimba · 21/10/2013 21:21

My FIL got up from his chair and came to stand right in front of me and stare the first time he was around when I was breast feeding. DP told him to back the fuck off. Could your DP step in with the appropriate tact level? (My FIL only responds to zero tact.)

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 21/10/2013 21:25

My MIL did this - she meant nothing by it but I found it seriously weird.

SwallowsInSpring · 21/10/2013 21:26

My MIL did this too! I think she was fascinated as she hadn't managed to BF. As DD got older she started getting really easily distracted so then I said things like oh, I'll just go in the other room to feed her as if anyone else is around she won't feed properly. Try moving to another chair before you start feeding and say something about the baby needing privacy so they feed properly? But then again I'm crap at being rude at all!

MissMuesli · 21/10/2013 21:29

I love seeing mums breastfeed I failed miserably I sometimes realise in cafes I'm staring with a weird smile, genuine admiration and envy! Did she breastfeed?

CreatureRetorts · 21/10/2013 21:30

Just ask her to give you some space with a ----> :) face

CreatureRetorts · 21/10/2013 21:31

To add, she probably feels like she's trying to make you feel comfy by overdoing it, showing how it doesn't phase her.

TiredDog · 21/10/2013 21:34

Yeuch. What is it about becoming a mother that suddenly makes your body everyone else's property.

MymbleHasRisenFromTheGrave · 21/10/2013 21:35

My DM did this. She is positively evangelical about breast feeding and just really loves to see babies being fed. I found it a bit annoying sometimes...but it was harmless.

You could try telling her gently that you feel a bit uncomfortable.