to admit to you that my personal hygeine is atrocious because I feel too depressed to give a shit?

[MoveYourArmsLikeHenry]

I am a robot. Everyday is the same as the one before. Go to work to be told I am not good enough, despite trying my absolute best and basically work my ass off to have small petty things complained about. I will give you an example of what I mean.

Some of you may remember me saying my supervisor being off due to a car accident. She was off for weeks and weeks and during this time I had to practically do her job as well as my own, plus train two new members of staff. This was a horrible, stressful, depressing period. I would lie awake at night worrying and randomly burst into tears because of how soul-destroying this job was making me feel (though my autism could have played a part in this).

Despite this I really tried my hardest to make sure everything was getting done, and really stuck my neck out to ensure it was done. Not once was a positive comment given to me. Not a tiny bit of encouragement or appreciation, which, to be honest, I really could have done with, given how depressed, run down, and under pressure I felt.

What did I get told instead? My name badge needs to be on at all times (I forgot it ONE fucking time), my teeshirt needs to be spic and span, (I work with one year olds. This is not going to happen), the lovely artwork I spent time planning and creating with the children wasnt bright enough, a birthday card I made for a child wasnt nice enough, halloween decorations werent in the right places in the room, my shoes are too tatty and worn out, im not training the new staff well enough (this isnt even my job!), and many other things.

I give up. What is the point? After enduring this all day I go home, sort my son out, sort dhs dinner out and go to bed. I dont eat properly, shower regularly, go out with my friends or clean my home as much as others do (I do the bare mimimim)

I am constantly informed of how inept and useless I am so why even bother trying? I try to keep it together for the sake of my son, but really I just dont care anymore :(
You can flame away too if you want to, I probably ABU :(

You're not, you're being neglected at work and bullied a bit :( certainly under appreciated
Do you have someone there you can talk to?

How long have you been in your job for OP? They don't exactly sound very constructive .

Is your DH supportive?

I think if you could just try to shower every day that you would feel just a little bit better and have more self esteem which sounds very low.

for you or depending on your preference .

Bless you, you poor thing.

What are the chances of you being able to take a week off? I wouldn't usually advocate it but even going to your GP and getting signed off.

Use that week to have a couple of days of absolutely nothing, then get yourself an escape plan and start looking for new jobs. You're clearly not appreciated where you are and that's unlikely to get better if it's got a knobhead in charge so you need to start thinking of moving on. If you're in this rut it's unlikely there's anything you can do that will please them.

You have my utter sympathies, there's nothing worse than spending time in a place you hate that not only doesn't appreciate you, actively looks for things to beat you over the head with, to earn money you need.

Yanbu, not at all. You poor thing.
I don't know what to suggest beyond a trip to the Gps and looking for a new job.
You are being bullied, but I appreciate that it is difficult to pull yourself together and stand up for yourself when you have been so worn down by it all.
Noone will flame you.

Yes, please look for a new job. Doesn't sound like you could find somewhere worse. They will probably shit themselves if you leave, does anyone else do anything there?

Please make the effort to shower etc every day. It will make you feel better.

sounds like where i used to work! is it down south?? i kept going off sick cos of the stress & finally.after 12 years i left. now have a great job & realise i was being bullied & cant stand to even walk past the place

CruCru is right about the showering. You know when you have flu or a bug and that first shower or bath you feel up to kind of washes away the gungy feeling? It works for feeling emotionally shite too.

Sit in the bath with your DS and stick some music on. I know you have to make yourself do stuff when you are this low, but it's would be good for both of you and DS to have that time to just mess about.

Tell DH he's in charge of dinner.

incidently, when i left the boss cried and near on begged me to stay! it was very empowering

You don't sound inept to me, you sound like someone who is working and raising a child, and you also sound like a capable and kind person.

Your employers sound like tossers, though, and you deserve better. Please try and eat, you need your strength and treat yourself to a lovely shower gel or shampoo to tempt you into the shower. I'm sorry if that sounds trite, I know it's not as simple as that, but if you can do a couple of little things to cabad for yourself, you might feel a bit more able to deal with your work situation?

I'm sorry you're having a tough time, and hope it gets better soon

Thanks everyone. I was really scared to admit this. And embarrassed.

Dh doesnt know the half of how I feel. He knows I am looking for a new job but doesnt know what I go through. Nobody does. I put on a happy mask and try to carry on. He thinks I go straight to bed because I am simply tired. I am too scared to tell anyone. I act like I am happy and everythings fine and would be very ashamed of people finding out the truth, even my doctor. I usually let my feelings out on my lunch break, in the loos.

I thought you were me at first except I don't work with small children.

It's a vicious cycle I'm afraid. You feel crap do you don't eat properly or look after yourself so you feel worse. You feel awful so maybe (certainly in my case I don't know about you) your work does start to suffer, so people comment and it makes you feel worse and care less about trying

I took 2 days off a few weeks ago because I couldn't face going to work. I lay in bed for 2 days not eating or showering or doing anything. It didn't solve my problems but I think the rest had a small positive effect (a dozen children on a day trip had a bigger positive effect).

What I'm saying is that even though you feel like absolute shit, not looking after yourself doesn't help. If anything it makes things worse because you're not as fit and healthy as you could be.

Get DH to cook for you and force yourself to eat

Have a shower when you get home from work and try and wash the place away from you or at least get a fresh start for the rest of your day with DH and DS.

Speak to someone senior in your workplace if you can. Get a supportive colleague to be there if you need to. They are not treating you right. Even if you were crisp at your job which it definitely sounds like you're NOT, pointing out everything you've done wrong wouldn't help you improve unless it's done constructively which isn't happening.

Have you seem your doctor? You sound very depressed and they may be able to recommend talking therapy or anti depressants which can be a big help

Please speak with your dh, let him know how you feel and what is happening to you at work. You honestly, truly have nothing to feel ashamed about.

Henry you must believe me when I tell you, you're not failing at anything here.

You're trying your best for people who are ungrateful and nasty, that's a fault with them not you. If anyone should be embarrassed or ashamed it's them. If you were truly that crap you wouldn't have been left with so much responsibility - it makes no sense to give it to someone whose incompetent does it?

You're being bullied and unsupported, and the impact of that has leaked into your home which is completely unacceptable.

Please try and talk this through with your DH. He can't fix it for you, but he can be on your side and take care of you at bit more at home.

Please don't be embarrassed or ashamed, certainly not on here! Well done for writing it all down.

Could you show your husband what you wrote? I know I find writing online much easier than talking to people, and it gives you both a starting point .

Your doctor won't judge you. If they do then complain and see someone else. They wknt have all the answers but they will listen to you and should go through what's available to you for support or help.

You don't need to keep on suffering and keeping it all insise

I would look for another job. It's not you, it's them.

Hi Move. I remember your last thread. They are treating you appalingly.

We all have to fake the smile at times but this is plain old bullying and very unhealthy for you. I know that feeling of going to bed as soon as you can to block out the day and have some comfort. Once in a while is fine, a week is fine. But this is really hurting you now I think.

You are going to need to take a deep breath and tell your husband. You have no need to be ashamed. You have done nothing wrong. If you can't find the words to say, try writing it down. One paragraph. He needs to know and it needs to come from you. Please do not keep this all bottled up any longer. We will be here to hand hold.

OP Not a lot of posts on here move me but yours has, I feel so sad for you that you go to bed each night without telling your dh how your really feeling. A problem shared is truly a problem halved, How would you feel if he had the same issues and kept it from you? I think he needs to know whats happening at work, even if he doesnt suggest anything useful he can be a bit more sympathetic and good listener to when your feeling down.

I also second getting a doctors note and taking a week off to just do nothing for a few days. I've been in a job where i was treated as you describe, you leave at 5 but it eats away at you constantly. The best thing you could do is to get out of there and if thats just having to take time off while you look for another job then so be it. your health comes first! your dh will understand this though should you choose to open up to him. good luck.

I just want to hug you and wallop your co workers. Feckers. not helpful

I must add that you have an amazing capability for strength if you are still managing to make yourself turn up for work day in day out feeling the way you do. You're certainly not weak or being precious here.

It's not surprising you're suffering so much personally when you're directing all your energy into keeping up at work. You really need to take the time to rest and recover, and to refocus on dividing up your energy properly.

Look for a new job which you will enjoy more and be more appreciated. I stuck a job I hated for years. But needs must. I think you are doing extremely well to have continued with this job. This nit-picking on small things like your badge sounds like a form of bullying.

I am literally crying right now reading all your replies. These are the nicest things I have heard in weeks.

Wish I could have you all come into work with me and tell me these things so I dont feel so alone and out of my depth, so I could have someone put their arm round me every lunch break where I can be found sobbing in the loo :( so I can have someone tell me I actually am doing a good job and im not doing everything wrong and that its ok to forget your name badge once, babies are messy so clothes will have stains, the artwork I did with the babies was pretty their parents will love it, the birthday card was thoughtful, the halloween decorations are fine, my tatty shoes dont affect my job ability, and I am doing well showing the new staff the ropes :(

You sound much more capable of doing your job than your members of staff are giving you credit for. The fact you made a halloween card for one of the children is going above and beyond. if youve read my other thread tonight i cant even get the staff who look after ds to change his nappy .

Yours not appreciated in your job. You deserve to be. simple as that. Sounds like your practically running the place from what you are doing with the children. I actually like going into nursery and seeing the staff a bit messy, i know ds will have had fun. Its the ones who are pristine come 5 o clock and i wonder how can that be, theyve obviously stayed on the sidelines and left the children on there own.

Are you a kind of supervisor by any chance, i ask this as you mention your having to show new staff the ropes? could it be your manager is jealous of you as your doing a better job than her?

I just want to hug you and wallop your co workers. Feckers. not helpful

vix thank you for your kind words and your view as a parent who has a child in nursery is very valuable to me. You are right about staff being messy I have more paint stains than I can count, so you made me feel better about that.

In regards to your question, I am not a supervisor, just a nursery assistant. My supervisor was off for a long time and I was left in the room by myself with 2 brand new staff members.

Move, ask anyone here, if your children are in nursery, all you really, really want is someone who is bothered about them. Who is caring and who is intuitive to their needs when you are not around.
Noone looks at their fucking shoes!