AIBU to put my career on the backburner in favour of my husband's?

[AquaticNocturne]

Sorry, I fear this is a bit of a boring one, but I'd really value some opinions....

I am a health care professional running a small private practice, which has done well since I set it up 2 years ago. I love the work, feel I do it well and have an increasing number of referrals. I also carry out work for some other practices as a self-employed 'associate'. At the moment I work about 3 days per week (as well as completing an MSc). We have a nanny who works 2 days per week and grandparents do the rest. I work most evenings to keep up with the admin. The money is good and I have about 5 month's salary in my business account.

DH is a solicitor in a silver circle City law firm. In the past couple of months, circumstances mean that he is likely to be 'made up' to partner this year if he works hard and proves himself. He is really keen for this to happen. At the moment, he is out of the house 6-9.30 and is likely to sometimes need to go overseas at quite short notice. He is really hands-on when he is at home and is happy to take time off/work from home to accommodate my working arrangements and has given lots of his spare time to helping me with marketing the practice etc.

Our children are aged 4 and 2, one of whom has special needs. I love my work but feel increasingly tired out by all the running around and unable to keep up with everything (e.g. I missed my son's flu jab appointment last week), especially as DH is effectively absent all week. I feel guilty that the time I do spend with the children involve chores and I have no opportunities for other interests or a social life.

Although my career has always been really important to me and I feel enormously enthusiastic about my work, WIBU to put it on simmer, just for a couple of years to take the pressure off? I would still run my little practice and pursue my studies but would quit my other work and stop looking for other opportunities.

Has anyone else done this and regretted it (or not)? I hate the thought of losing my professional drive and wonder if I will be able to get it back again?

Anglo American and everyone else- thanks so much for sharing your experiences, I really do appreciate it. It's good to know that it is possible to be successful in a profession and feel that you are not selling your family short. I guess it's all about playing the long game...

He already works insane hours. I would not be happy to see even less of him.

Don't forget it's generally more tax efficient for each of you to earn a reasonable amount compared to one of you earning lots and the other a little.

If it's not about the money but it's about his personal fulfilment - can he get to the same place but over a longer period? Or is that not an option?

I also think that health care is one of the few areas where you can dial down, bc to practice at all you still have to be up to date in your quals. I have a friend who is a nurse, she only works one shift a week but her training skills etc are fully up to date in a way that I know wouldn't happen if she was doing one day in an office.

Another thing I do is diary in a self-appraisal every six months where I check in with myself to make sure our arrangements still work for me, as opposed to every other member of the household. I really recommend you do this as its very easy to drift... you don't need to take yourself out for coffee and pretend to be two people like me though. No need for that

Could you dial back in stages? Ie stop looking for extra opportunities, and after a few months assess if that has improved things; how you feel about that reduction in work, etc.

If needed, you can then stop or reduce work for other practices.

I went part time after dc1, moving to a new role in the same firm which enables me to do the stuff I enjoy, and keep key skills going, but has taken me off the radar for promotions and pay rises. Sometimes I regret this but it was a decision I made for many of the reasons outlined above around time with dc, as well as a desire to support eh who gets more satisfaction from career progression whereas I get more satisfaction from jobs well done, iyswim. So overall I'm prepared to take the occasional day of envy at a colleagues promotion, because I know I made the right decision for me.

I think reducing your workload slowly would help you see what the right decision is for you, by giving you time to see the reality of a career on simmer and whether any regrets are outweighed by the positives.

*support dh

Thanks all. I have taken the advice on board and am actually letting one of my clients (the one that I least mind losing) that I won't be taking on work for them after December. I feel guilty as I know that this will leave them high and dry, but I have enough work booked to see me through to at least February and this will give me time to think about where I want to take things next and to focus on my studies.

I do really appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. It's a hard decision to take but it doesn't have to be forever.

As a lot of other people have said, I think you need to define the terms and conditions of this very finely, i.e. make sure you have financial provision that compensates you for the loss of earnings, especially some kind of pension; be clear that you are not taking on all of the domestic labour - that you still need a cleaner and help around the house.

Also (and this is critical): make sure that there is something in this for you. I know you love your job (and you're sensibly keeping a foot in there), but is there a dream you've always had, an ambition you've always nurtured, that this could give you the opportunity to fulfil? Then the whole experience can open new doors for you - it won't just be a 'pause' in your career.