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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not be at all prepared for unexpected visitors?! Seriously embarrassed…

49 replies

slothlike · 21/10/2013 13:18

So today, at about half past eleven, whilst my DS (3) and I are in the kitchen washing our hands after he’s done a huge smelly poo in his potty in the living room, I hear a knock at the door. I assume it’s a JW or the postman and ignore it. Another, more insistent, knock; again, I ignore. Suddenly I hear a familiar voice calling my name – look up and there’s my aunt peering through the window.

SO basically I start sweating and my heart is hammering because I am NOT ready for a visitor and we definitely hadn’t arranged to meet. I am currently 22 weeks pregnant and all my clothes have recently become a bit uncomfortable and I haven’t got round to buying new ones yet, so I prefer to wear my old pyjama clothes until the last minute before we go out – meaning that at this point I am garbed in my husband’s faded underpants and a scruffy top with quite obviously no bra underneath. The kitchen (which can be seen clearly from the hallway) is a TIP because I was frankly a bit lazy last night and just fell asleep without wiping the counters or chucking old boxes/cartons away, and combined with the fact that the kitchen table is just always a mess regardless, it looks appalling. The living room still reeks of poo because I forgot to open windows and don’t like using air-freshener when I’m pregnant.

I have no choice but to let my aunt in because she has seen me through the window. I shove on a hoodie before opening the door, so the flopping around of my boobs under my shirt is covered, but I have no trousers to quickly shove on so my pallid, unshaven legs are on full show beneath my husband’s old boxers (which, I have just realised, may be faded to the point of being slightly see-through, and I was wearing nothing else underneath. Oh god.) When she gets inside, I realise there are some of MY old pants in full view on the stairs – no idea how these got here. She pretends she hasn’t noticed. Have to let her into living room which stinks of poo – she pretends she hasn’t noticed. In fact, she pretends she has noticed nothing awry, but after a brief chat she leaves quickly so I know she must have realised it was a bad time.

I am mortified. I have recently moved to this city, where most of my family live, from a city where I was horribly isolated and never got any visitors at all, never mind unexpected ones, so mostly I’m pretty ecstatic to be able to have people over, but 4ish years of serious debilitating isolation has also made me quite socially anxious and this was kind of a worst-nightmare scenario for me.
AIBU not to expect the unexpected when it comes to visitors? My aunt is a very polite and social etiquette-following kind of person, so I’m inclined to think IABU, but I just don’t LIKE the thought of having to be constantly visitor-ready...

(I’d also like to mention that we do go out almost every day so I’m usually ready by 12ish and often before – was just not the best day!)

OP posts:
hermioneweasley · 21/10/2013 13:20

My rule is that if anyone drops by unexpectedly then they have to take me (and the house) how they find us. Do you feel able to ask for a warning text next time?

OvaryAction · 21/10/2013 13:21

I think people who turn up unannounced are incredibly rude. YANBU, she is.

DontPanicMrMannering · 21/10/2013 13:23

You should have just said "sorry about the poo smell" and enjoyed the visit! She's family its fine.

I had a group of mothers over to play and forgot they were coming, one of them loaded and ran my dishwasher to clear space to make tea. Now that's shameful still didn't care Grin

TEErickOrTEEreat · 21/10/2013 13:24

Your aunt is rude and if she's just going to drop by she needs to accept you how she finds you.

If she wants a washed and presented and non poo smelling house, she should ring first.

BranchingOut · 21/10/2013 13:27

I have just moved somewhere a bit more remote than the inner-London street where we were before and I already feel so much more relaxed. Mostly because I would often see people walking up and down the pavement and have the feeling of that they could knock on the door at any moment. So I used to always dress for the day in such a way that a visitor could come by without undue embarrassment. Now, nobody really walks past and I have embraced the tracksuit bottoms....Grin.

But seriously, I would have just shut the kitchen door behind me as I walked into the hallway, and showed my aunt into the living room, opening the window as I did so, with a breezy 'oh, it's a little bit stuffy in here but I will soon blow the cobwebs away - would you like some tea?'

greeneyes1978 · 21/10/2013 13:27

My house is usually a tip - not dirty just very messy. I would actually cry if someone came round unexpectedly. In fact I have just spent 3 hours cleaning and it is only up to the standard of someone 'normal' who hasn't cleaned!!!

Mrspebble · 21/10/2013 13:28

I don't like unexpected visitors and haven't really had them in eight years but now have a baby and feel I have to be ready.

I don't think she is wrong to visit but a phone call would have been better.

I hope no ones calls in to me at the minute !!!

BranchingOut · 21/10/2013 13:28

Also, look on ebay for a maternity clothing bundle - choose something in the right colours/season and it will really help.

fluffiphlox · 21/10/2013 13:29

I sometimes WISH people would just drop in. I certainly don't think it's rude. I would say it's completely normal. It's a shame you weren't ready but it really isn't the end of the world.
Keep potty in bathroom or cloakroom?

pianodoodle · 21/10/2013 13:29

Wow! I was seriously going to start a thread this morning I could have written your post!

Normally we are tidy and dressed by half nine. It's only ever on a disorganised morning that someone stops in!

I'm 30 wks preg - it's a rainy day and DD (2 and a bit) was in her jammies but kept taking her nappy off.

I thought we'd have a go at loo training she seemed happy sitting on the toilet seat but didn't go.

Anyway she'd emptied every toy box over the floor, I was still in my dressing gown even though we'd been doing stuff, and the door went at 11am!

It was one of DH's mates dropping off something. I didn't want to be rude to offered a cuppa - and he took it!

We must have looked feral! DD running round in a bare bum with jam on her face, me with a gown and tatty hair feeling sweaty and gross etc... Grin

I did say it isn't normally like this but somehow you know they don't believe you!

To make it worse after my morning's efforts with toilet training DD decided to piss in an empty toy crate while I was making the tea.

I didn't notice til after the guy left so now he probably thinks that we keep a crate with piss sloshing about in the living room!

Angry

If he hadn't been wearing the same coloured t-shirt as the postman does I wouldn't have opened the door!

ChairmanMeoww · 21/10/2013 13:29

I HATE having unexpected visitors, with the possible exception of my own Mum. YANBU - it is so entitled of people to just turn up on your doorstep and expect to be let in and entertained, when you may well be busy.

BeansAndCheese · 21/10/2013 13:30

Don't worry, if she had kids or has been pg, she knows how you feel. If not, meh, she doesn't know what its like! Either way a phone call is only polite

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 21/10/2013 13:35

Everyone gets caught out sometime, no point stressing over it.
If it's a relative and you like them, why not give them a call and say you were embarrassed because you weren't feeling your best and everything had been let go a bit, but it was so nice to see them, please don't let it put them off coming round again.

slothlike if you did that you could laugh and say give me a ring first and I'll make sure I haven't used the living room for potty training Grin
Your Aunt probably didn't stay because she realized it was so inconvenient for you, nothing more than that really.

NotintheMiddle · 21/10/2013 13:39

I used to think I hated unannounced visitors but then realised when I am expecting people around I work myself into a tizzy trying to clean and tidy. If people just pop by I just think oh well take us as they find us!

redcaryellowcar · 21/10/2013 13:40

just looking around my house its a tip not filthy, but a Hoover around would be a welcome bonus!suppose I should get off mumsnet and do something about it! I would hope all visitors would pop a quick message to check convenient leaving me time to go out in car and hide around the corner

comewinewithmoi · 21/10/2013 13:41

I hate unexpected guests too, for very similar reasons to you.

jollygoose · 21/10/2013 13:41

If I had been your aunt I would have laughed off the poo and the mess and been delighted to give you a hand - perhaps she would have been too had you just spelt it out like you have to mn

slothlike · 21/10/2013 13:50

Thanks all, feeling a bit less embarrassed having read your responses! pianodoodle I’m glad I'm not alone Grin

Looks like the general consensus is that I wasn’t BU, but neither was she… to be honest I’m not sure she’ll be dropping round without ringing again anyway considering how flustered I must have seemed (in spite of my efforts to be friendly and welcoming)! I am quite easily embarrassed by things like this, will try and adopt more of a ‘take us as they find us’ attitude in any repeat situations.

Should probably also stop wearing OH’s pants, but realistically this is not going to happen.

OP posts:
Katnisscupcake · 21/10/2013 13:52

Sorry but I had to laugh OP and Pianodoodle (not the response you were hoping for I'm sure Blush).

But I really don't agree with all this 'warning before coming over' or 'calling first'. When I was little no-one ever rang to say they were coming over, they just dropped in. Having said that I don't ever remember Mum's house being particularly untidy and maybe that's why!! It is now, it's gross - I dread taking people around because it's not tidy even when they know we're coming!

My Nan used to do all the housework in her house (including dusting and hoovering) every morning after breakfast before we went anywhere/did anything else. She would say 'you never know when the Queen might drop by for tea!!'.

Having said ALL that, I find myself constantly apologising to people who come around to our house. Our house is always tidy but we have two (forever moulting) labradors and within 5 minutes of hoovering, the floor looks like it's carpeted, even though we have laminate Blush.

No-one cares though because they've come to see DD and I, not our house and they keep coming back so it's clearly not a problem!! Grin

slothlike · 21/10/2013 13:53

And yes, my aunt is both a mother and a very involved grandmother, so hopefully she 'gets it'!

OP posts:
Mojavewonderer · 21/10/2013 13:58

People should take you as they find you. If you are willing to drop in on people unannounced then you should expect the unexpected.
I tidy up all day but then I'm not pregnant and my kids are all at school so I haven't got an excuse.

purrpurr · 21/10/2013 14:04

So sorry but Op and Piano your stories made me proper giggle :)

pianodoodle · 21/10/2013 14:37

Hahaha!

It really is odd though - I had actually written the thread title "AIBU to be mortified?" then decided I'd probably better have a shower instead in case someone else called at the door :)

valiumredhead · 21/10/2013 14:58

She's your aunt though not some one you have to impress.

unlucky83 · 21/10/2013 15:05

I had a nightmare neighbour - the police were involved ...
A couple of times I'd reported something (I was told to report everything -they were trying to get him for harassment)...and then they would turn up hours even days later ....
So I've had a few embarassing moment...
Two of them turned up when DD2 was potty training - she'd just finished so there was a huge poo and pee in the potty in living room (had to breezily say I'll just tidy this away -trying not to spill it)
Another time I was in the shower at about midday (slow start morning) and 4 yo DD opened the door (Blush -bad mother - not sure that isn't neglect?) to a young lone male officer ...then she came and knocked on the shower door -me being (a little) stroppy - can you wait a minute? knock again - cue me diving out (shampoo still in hair), flinging on clothes -wet and sticking to me - and trying to have a serious conversation with him, -water dripping down my back - and making a big point of telling DD not to open the door without me again ...Blush