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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not be at all prepared for unexpected visitors?! Seriously embarrassed…

49 replies

slothlike · 21/10/2013 13:18

So today, at about half past eleven, whilst my DS (3) and I are in the kitchen washing our hands after he’s done a huge smelly poo in his potty in the living room, I hear a knock at the door. I assume it’s a JW or the postman and ignore it. Another, more insistent, knock; again, I ignore. Suddenly I hear a familiar voice calling my name – look up and there’s my aunt peering through the window.

SO basically I start sweating and my heart is hammering because I am NOT ready for a visitor and we definitely hadn’t arranged to meet. I am currently 22 weeks pregnant and all my clothes have recently become a bit uncomfortable and I haven’t got round to buying new ones yet, so I prefer to wear my old pyjama clothes until the last minute before we go out – meaning that at this point I am garbed in my husband’s faded underpants and a scruffy top with quite obviously no bra underneath. The kitchen (which can be seen clearly from the hallway) is a TIP because I was frankly a bit lazy last night and just fell asleep without wiping the counters or chucking old boxes/cartons away, and combined with the fact that the kitchen table is just always a mess regardless, it looks appalling. The living room still reeks of poo because I forgot to open windows and don’t like using air-freshener when I’m pregnant.

I have no choice but to let my aunt in because she has seen me through the window. I shove on a hoodie before opening the door, so the flopping around of my boobs under my shirt is covered, but I have no trousers to quickly shove on so my pallid, unshaven legs are on full show beneath my husband’s old boxers (which, I have just realised, may be faded to the point of being slightly see-through, and I was wearing nothing else underneath. Oh god.) When she gets inside, I realise there are some of MY old pants in full view on the stairs – no idea how these got here. She pretends she hasn’t noticed. Have to let her into living room which stinks of poo – she pretends she hasn’t noticed. In fact, she pretends she has noticed nothing awry, but after a brief chat she leaves quickly so I know she must have realised it was a bad time.

I am mortified. I have recently moved to this city, where most of my family live, from a city where I was horribly isolated and never got any visitors at all, never mind unexpected ones, so mostly I’m pretty ecstatic to be able to have people over, but 4ish years of serious debilitating isolation has also made me quite socially anxious and this was kind of a worst-nightmare scenario for me.
AIBU not to expect the unexpected when it comes to visitors? My aunt is a very polite and social etiquette-following kind of person, so I’m inclined to think IABU, but I just don’t LIKE the thought of having to be constantly visitor-ready...

(I’d also like to mention that we do go out almost every day so I’m usually ready by 12ish and often before – was just not the best day!)

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 21/10/2013 15:23

I never answer the door if its unexpected.
I'm 39 weeks pregnant, if I don't have plans then I'm in my pjs all day and chilling in bed!
The house is reasonably tidy but my aunt would still find things to pick at, so would my mum!!

Thankfully we live in a flat and so you can't see anything from the street/door so I can easily ignore the door.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 21/10/2013 15:45

For the last few weeks FIL has been turning up unannounced (sometimes with MIL). Always just as the kids have emptied the toy box, we have a stack of plates to go in the dishwasher and are still in our PJs.
So this Sunday we blitzed the house so it was immaculate ready for their unannounced visit. They didn't turn up!
Yet you can bet the minute we let our guard down they will be here expecting to be entertained.

VeganCow · 21/10/2013 15:47

Sorry but I was laughing at your story, twas funny Grin

Wouldnt worry about what auntie thinks, its her fault for droppng by unannounced!

reelingintheyears · 21/10/2013 15:50

It doesn't sound as if your Aunt was in the least bothered, and why would she be.
I don't mind unannounced visits really unless it's a bailiff , i'd have just pulled some trousers on and put the kettle on.

NicknameIncomplete · 21/10/2013 16:03

I dont really care what I look like so I dont really care how people see me. The weekends are our down time so if someone wants to visit they will have to put up with me either in my pjs or in my trackies.

Visitors should not be coming to your home to judge.

blahblahblah2014 · 21/10/2013 16:49

I think it's unreasnable to let your house get in that state! Regardless of visitors why was it so dirty and smelly in the first place? We all get into a bit of a mess sometimes, but not to the point of embarassment...And being pregnant is no excuse! If you have a kid in the house keep it clean!

slothlike · 21/10/2013 16:49

Yes, I think to be fair that I was being more judgmental of myself than she was of me, if that makes sense!

Some people having been saying that she's family so it doesn't matter - the thing is, I don't really know most of my extended family particularly well, and we're still very much at a getting-to-know-you stage now that I actually live nearby. If it had been my mum or my grandma or even my MIL, all of whom I know a lot better, I wouldn't have been nearly so embarrassed!

And laugh away people, I laughed at piano's story so it's only fair Grin

OP posts:
Ruprekt · 21/10/2013 16:54

Am slightly horrified that you wear DH's underpants (that, to me is a whole other level ConfusedConfused of gross!) but I hate people knocking at the door so I completely understand how you must have felt!

valiumredhead · 21/10/2013 16:55

I LOVE unexpected visitorsGrin

slothlike · 21/10/2013 17:05

blah - YABU Wink Smelly due to recent potty-contained poo, and only messy in a hygienic way (I mean, apart from the counters maybe, but they're washed now).

Ruprekt - I think you're missing out! If you have a boxer-wearing OH, try it. They are v comfy. (Only do this if he doesn't skid-mark, though... )

OP posts:
SilkySocksSinkShips · 21/10/2013 17:07

That reminds me of when I forgot the health visitor was coming to see me and DS after he was born.

I had just fed him and as I was BF, I had no bra on, just a loose vest top. I was changing his nappy straight after winding him when I heard a knock at the door. It was at that moment, DS wee'd after I had taken the nappy off, all over my legs. He then started being sick so I shouted 'hang on' to the door. I lifted his head up to clean under his neck when he then poked all over the changing mat.

The HV decided to come straight in and found me with a 5 day old baby covered in sick, wee all over my jeans, poo on the mat and my swollen, just fed boobs freely swinging under the loose vest.

She laughed it off and said she had seen worse so I'm noeno quite

SilkySocksSinkShips · 21/10/2013 17:08

*now quite thankful my house was tidy.

Stupidly pressed post too soon.

SilkySocksSinkShips · 21/10/2013 17:09

Gah damn autocorrect! Poked = pooed.

absoluteidiot · 21/10/2013 17:17

I loathe people turning up unannounced.

Everyone who knows me, knows this. And doesn't.

But Boxing Day before last, with my house full of kids - my oldest lives away but staying with us, Nos 2 & 3 older teens but not yet gone to uni... and expecting no-one so house still full of wrapping paper, shoes all over hallway and NOTHING tidied away as it is such a private, 'family' time.... my niece and her intended turned up.

No phone call. Nothing. And they came from her dad (my brother's) house and he defo knows I don't appreciate cold callers - not even family!

Worse still, my husband, self and younger kids were out on a ten mile bike ride so my oldest let them in. We had to race back - windy, icy cold day so we were wheezing, sweaty, exhausted, still in cycling kit - just wanted to have a bath, get changed and collapse in front of the telly - only to have to entertain these bozos and have to sit making polite conversation (as the intended was then almost a stranger to us which made it doubly embarrassing)

It was a nightmare. They probably thought it was hilarious. Seems they had no concept we might be out.

xCupidStuntx · 21/10/2013 17:19

pianodoodle I'm rolling around laughing at your post, sounds exactly like the days me and DD (also two and a bit) have been caught on the hop!

quesadilla · 21/10/2013 17:23

You see I don't get this thing of having to be prepared for visitors all the time. If you drop in on someone unannounced you can't then expect the house and its inhabitants to be in pristine condition. Her problem, not yours...

Oblomov · 21/10/2013 17:23

I don't know why unannounced visitors bother people.
Doesn't bother me.
Sometimes my house is spotless. Sometimes it looks like a bomb has hit it.
Take me as you find me. Its called living. I assume everyone is the same. Peoples houses are tidier some days than others. Its called life.

So why do we need to pretend so much? Why does it bother you that people find you in an untidy house. You live in this, right?
So the untidiness can't bother you that much. Or else you'd do something about it.
Doesn't bother me, if the house is untidy.
I don't apologise for the state of my house, if someone pops round for coffee. Because this is how we live. Spotless then bombsite. Why apologise for what you are?

blahblahblah2014 · 21/10/2013 18:02

blah - YABU wink Smelly due to recent potty-contained poo, and only messy in a hygienic way (I mean, apart from the counters maybe, but they're washed now).

Exactly, defensive put's it into perspective huh ;) She probably didn't even care!

cardibach · 21/10/2013 18:08

I love unexpected visitors, but they have to take me as they find me - which is normally in a mess and very often in need of a clean (the house I mean - I'm clean myself!). Life's too short to care about this sort of thing and my friends and family won't judge. Well, my parents do but I ignore that. Friends know better!

IneedAsockamnesty · 21/10/2013 18:27

I normally hate unexpected visitors unless they are one of 2 particular people who know they can come anytime,

But still she came because she wanted to see you and that's nice.

slothlike · 21/10/2013 18:52

blah - I see what you did there Smile Feeling much more relaxed now! Albeit still cringing slightly over my pants-wearing state...

Sock - Yeah, I feel a bit guilty about how hassled I must have seemed when she was just trying to pop round and be sociable. I'm not sure I'll ever be someone who loves unplanned visits, though.

OP posts:
Upsy1981 · 21/10/2013 19:19

When my dd was a a couple of weeks old and DH had just gone back to work I had stayed at my mum's one night as I wasn't coping very well and mum wanted to let me have a good sleep. Anyway, I arrived home the following morning to find that DH had done nothing, curtains still drawn, last night's dinner dishes all over the kitchen, just general detritus everywhere. I hadn't been in the house for two minutes (coat still on, baby still in car seat) and there's a knock at the door. I looked out the window and see my MIL's siper-houseproud (her house keeping is legendary!)friend coming to see the baby. I just burst into tears and contemplated not opening the door, she persevered and I let her in.

She was wonderful. She washed the dishes, made tea, took the baby, fed her, winded her and told me to get on with whatever needed doing while she was there to look after the baby (she said she would have done it herself but didn't know what needed doing and didn't want to intrude).

She left,leaving me mortified but overwhelmed with gratitude. Dh got a verbal kick up the arse ehen he got in that night!

Fecklessdizzy · 21/10/2013 19:20

One of the Village Worthies once burst in on my Mum when she was half-way through plucking a pheasant ... never did it again, though. Grin

humphryscorner · 21/10/2013 19:33

I feel your pain!

MIL constantly does it. I'm on maternity and love nothing more than having the odd veg day with dd2 (6m) both stay in our pjs, playing and sleeping.

MIL brings around who ever she is with that day, friends relatives. I did speak to her about it, I said 'ooh MIL the house is a mess stop bringing random people round- its embarrassing ....' she replied ' oh don't worry about it Carol,dave aunt Mo, post man, window clearner don't mind......'

so I broached it with, 'I don't mind Aunt sue, Cousin marie ect... just not random people.....' She then got round it by actually bringing in random people, standing them in my hall way while peering in my shit hole and saying ''you know Val don't you?, Our Peters wife's cousin, her neighbour....

She will regularly turn up to show them an item of clothing/toy she has bought DD, I kid you not. Halloween Angry

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