Have namechanged in case "sil" is a mumsnetter although I think that is highly unlikely.
After years/months of tension the shit finally hit the fan last night re bil and his gf.
Background: bil is flakey at best. Began letting DH down a couple of years ago - not going his stag do or even for a drink the week before the wedding. Took a room at the hotel for our wedding then cancelled last minute meaning it couldn't be used by anyone else from our families. Was round our house constantly when between girlfriends but noticeably absent when he's got onward on the go.
Fast forward to March and they have a dd. Think the fact I got pregnant a few months after them causes some bad feeling due to "stealing their thunder". We make an effort to go round but sil doesn't talk to us and actually hides upstairs. Its so awkward as we can hear her moving around and watching tv up there. Before anyone says she wants to feed the baby in private you should know she would leave the baby downstairs. We cool off omissions visiting as we feel so unwelcome.
For full disclosure on the birth of my niece we bought some clothes, a photo frame and gave her a cheque made out to her for them to set up a savings account with. Now in my family that is a normal thing to do. I know my parents got several cheques to pay in for me when I was born.
Fast forward to July and our own dd arrived. Bil and sil failed to come and visit at all. When she was a few weeks old we were invited to go round there which we did to be polite. They gave our dd nothing. Now I'm not a grabby person and knew they are not well off but a card? Or a £2 bib or something? Obviously nothing was said as I'm not a rude bitch but I did feel a bit sad that they couldn't be bothered with my dd. Again sil is still doing her ignoring us act.
Forgot to say they are the same with my mil. Barely talk to her. Sil hiding upstairs and making her feel really unwelcome.
Mil has been getting increasingly upset. She is such a doting grandmother constantly knitting and buying stuff, none of which seems to be appreciated. The attitude seems to be that they want sil's family to be the only ones to buy anything for their dd.
They've been cancelling mil going round and being funny when she's there (she only goes once a fortnight for a couple of hours it's hardly over the top). They cancelled again yesterday and mil got really upset. After months of keeping it all in she wrote bil a message explaining how she felt as he would not talk to her. He then rang her spitting bile (sorry to drip feed he was drunk - he is probably an alcoholic as he drinks every day to excess). Ranting about her and me randomly. Mil rang my DH in tears to talk to him about it.
Now I knew it was a bad idea but DH messaged Bil to tell him he'd upset their mother. DH then received a phonecall from bil. Highlights from that: DH is barely his brother anyway.... I'm nothing to do with their family and I'm nothing to them.... I flash my cash, he doesn't want his daughter to have a fucking bank account... we were wrong to have bought dn anything on her birth as that was showing off.... he's had enough of DH and will come round to beat him up... we havent made enough effort with his daughter...
DH hung up when he started threatening violence. He then tried to call several times. We locked up and went to bed and I barely slept worrying that he was about to come and force his way in (as he had threatened). Dd is only 3.5 months and I don't need that stress.
Bil then rang DH's stepdad to tell him he hated him too then put one of those passive aggressive facebook attention seeking posts on.
We need to sever contact I think but I do feel sad that the cousins won't be growing up together in the way I'd imagined. We are also upset about losing contact with our niece.
Am thinking about setting up a savings account for dn and putting in a bit on her birthday/Christmas to give to her when she is 18. Is that a horrific idea? We just don't want her to think we don't care.