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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be completely exasperated at DH?

32 replies

minibmw2010 · 19/10/2013 17:21

DH is so unthinking sometimes. When you've got a child who is fighting dinner but thankfully now eating it ... Why would you then get the dessert out and get it ready next to him? What's the likely outcome of that? And then he gets annoyed because I point out how silly it was and goes 'ok' with his hand on his head and a really long suffering voice. And then when I say 'oh cut it out I'm allowed to tell you if I think you've done something wrong' he sighs ... Oh fucking woe is him !!!

OP posts:
CailinDana · 19/10/2013 17:23

Could the children hear this?

CajaDeLaMemoria · 19/10/2013 17:23

Maybe he thought he was being helpful?

It can be easy to just do what you think needs to happen next, without thinking that perhaps it needs to wait.

Your comment back would have made me sigh, too, to be honest. Or swear. It's mean, and I presume he didn't get the dessert out to irritate you or sabotage dinner, so he's being told off for trying to help. You probably didn't need to say anything, but if you did, it shouldn't have been telling him he'd done it 'wrong'. You're both adults.

You sound stressed and unhappy, rather than unreasonable.

grovel · 19/10/2013 17:24

I long ago tried not to be in the room when DH is being helpful around the place. I can't stop myself pointing out better ways of doing things and I know it drives him crazy. If he's doing the job he can do it his own inefficient and idiotic way. The end result is generally OK.

Bowlersarm · 19/10/2013 17:27

I think YABU by the sounds of things.

He was trying to help. You didn't like what he did to help. And pointed out what he's done 'wrong'.

You sound a but like you are parenting your DH as well, rather than having an equal partnership.

I would have laughed it off, and suggested why it's not such a great idea for next time, not had a go at him.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 19/10/2013 17:29

YANBU

I know what it is like to have dinner refusers who are hoping to skip the main and just get pudding.

DoJo · 19/10/2013 17:32

YABU - presumably he realised as soon as it happened that he had precipitated another round of refusals, so there was no need for you to point it out to him unless he was genuinely surprised at the outcome. We all do things which make us think 'Why on earth did I do that?!' but it's harder to deal with if someone is also giving you an ear bashing as well.

Beastofburden · 19/10/2013 17:34

I often get out the pudding and put it next to a child who is being slow eating the main course. It's an incentive to get on with it. Of course that only works if the child knows that under no circumstances whatsoever does he get any pudding if he hasn't eaten his first course.

Original poster
minibmw2010 · 19/10/2013 17:34

I should have said (sorry) DS is not a good eater and easily distracted, had finally started eating, to then show him dessert was always going to mean he'd stop dinner and want dessert. DS is 2.5, it's not a new thing.

OP posts:
choccychoccylover · 19/10/2013 17:37

you sound very petty and picky,for goodness sake the man was only trying to help

TheGhostofAmandaClarke · 19/10/2013 17:38

My DH does to me what you did to yours about the dessert.
It makes me feel stabby.
HTH

FacebookWanker · 19/10/2013 17:40

YANBU.

TheGhostofAmandaClarke · 19/10/2013 17:40

But I am sure it's annoying if you have a system that's working.

Beastofburden · 19/10/2013 17:41

I understand, mini, and of course it is irritating. I have had difficult kids to feed (profound SEN) and it is hard to feed someone who just doesn't see the need to eat, or is so distracted they just forget. I still suggest that as long as your DS knows that pudding never, ever, ever happens except after first course, it isn't such a stupid technique. I actually do it all the time with Ds2, who at 17 has a functioning age of 2 and can just sit there dreaming away with his food going nowhere. The sudden appearance of pudding, with the firm words, "this is for after you have finished your first course" works wonders.

If what you get is a massive tantrum, well, you take pudding away and let that tantrum happen.

Not to derail your annoyance, just t say that it wasn't a totally stupid thing to do.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 19/10/2013 17:51

YANBU not in the slightest. It was a bloody stupid thing to do and if he can't work that out for himself, he needs telling.

As for... 'he was helping' - no he fucking wasn't. Getting out dessert is not a life saving operation, just a bloody stupid thing to do and even if he was doing something useful (like washing up) it's not helping in your own home, for your own children Hmm

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 19/10/2013 17:53

I hate all this 'oh the poor man was only trying to help' whenever a bloke does anything at home - badly thought out and executed or not.

He wasn't trying to help, he just wanted his dessert. If he had been trying to help then he would have been encouraging the reluctant eater as well!

Bowlersarm · 19/10/2013 17:57

I have read it that ops DH was getting dessert out for the child, not himself which would negate - He wasn't trying to help, he just wanted his dessert

CoconutRing · 19/10/2013 18:02

YANBU - what was he thinking? Of course your DS is going to want to eat the dessert straightway!! Your DH was not helping you, he was helping himself!

eurochick · 19/10/2013 18:03

YABU.

Your comment about getting things "wrong" would have made me furious, tbh. At least he only sighed.

Original poster
minibmw2010 · 19/10/2013 18:25

I actually can see he intended to help, but he knows how picky DS is as much as I do, has known this for as long as I have .. That's what frustrates me most.

OP posts:
complexnumber · 19/10/2013 18:31

You've had your say mini, isn't it time to go back to your family.

complexnumber · 19/10/2013 18:32

That came out wrong!

complexnumber · 19/10/2013 18:34

I really didn't mean for you to tie on your apron and get busy!

Original poster
minibmw2010 · 19/10/2013 18:40

Bloody hell, am I not allowed to come back and read responses and maybe respond myself? I'm allowed one post and then I should 'go back to my family' ????Shock

OP posts:
Hunfriend · 19/10/2013 18:41

Yanbu
Why would you get the pudding out when others are still eating?Confused
V rude and it would grate on me
A. because its bad manners
B. Inevitable that your DS will want pudding instead of his Dinner.

beitou · 19/10/2013 21:19

You are in charge, he should know this and do it your way, how dare he do something that you do not approve of.

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