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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

married to a man-child

31 replies

fairy1303 · 19/10/2013 11:02

DH and I had booked a one night hotel break deal for tonight.
Things have not been great between us since DS has been born - I've had PND, we've been rowing a lot etc etc.

I have really been looking forward to this.

Last night he went out - 'just a quiz night, will probably be back by 8'

3am rolls around, he's still not home, he finally gets in at 4am.
He wakes me up in the process - not accidentally but deliberately 'baby, baby, BABY!' then inane chattering. Then I couldn't sleep. I hadn't really slept before he got home either as I don't sleep well when I'm waiting for him to come home.

He's still in bed (I'm making him feed the baby) wingeing about feeling ill and being hungover.

We are supposed to leave in an hour.
I'm exhausted. He's hungover and I just feel like this whole plan is now ruined. It was supposed to be our special weekend and I feel like he clearly doesn't value it as much as me and I won@t be able to enjoy it anyway as I will be so tired.

Am I overreacting?

I should add - I don't usually have an issue with him going out, I go out too and we are young and don't do it often but why this weekend? and why such a heavy one? and WHY WAKE ME THE FUCK UP?!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Scarynuff · 19/10/2013 11:04

Go on your own and get a good nights sleep to make for last night.

CailinDana · 19/10/2013 11:07

Agree with scary. Tell him he clearly wasn't bothered about the weekend away so you're heading off on your own.

flippinada · 19/10/2013 11:09

As it's already booked, go on your own and enjoy it. Was the plan to take DS or is he being looked after by friends/family?

Mellowandfruitful · 19/10/2013 11:10

Two choices really. either sack the whole thing off or say 'Look I didn't like what you did last night and I don't want you to wake me up like that again, but let's put it behind us now and go and have some nice chill out time tonight'. And then draw a line.

If he does this a lot I would need a big talk. But it might be best to see if you can get past it for tonight.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 19/10/2013 11:10

I agree with everyone else, go on your own.

MortifiedAdams · 19/10/2013 11:11

Ooh yes - go.on your own. Bubble bath, room service, a film. Bliss!

misspontypine · 19/10/2013 11:12

Yanbu. Do you have any friends who like last minute plans, maybe they could go with you?

addenuf · 19/10/2013 11:14

No over-reaction. Go - leave him everything he needs for DS, instructions as appropriate and have a good rest with some room-service and a good film cuddled-up in bed.

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 19/10/2013 11:20

Another vote for go on your own.

Apileofballyhoo · 19/10/2013 11:22

Definitely go on your own.

Original poster
fairy1303 · 19/10/2013 11:26

I probably should. Mum is having DS though and is very excited so he would just be left at home alone to do as he pleases.

Sorry to drip feed but should also add that this was supposed to be his birthday treat as it was his birthday during the week.

OP posts:
BuzzardBirdBloodBath · 19/10/2013 11:27

Wow, what a fantastic idea. Leave him with DS and go and enjoy room service and a bath! (might not help repair your marraige though?)

Original poster
fairy1303 · 19/10/2013 11:29

my thoughts exactly buzzard!

OP posts:
PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 19/10/2013 11:30

Go on your own and catch up on your sleep, leave DS with your partner, mum can have him some other time surely?

TigerBabyyy · 19/10/2013 11:30

Id be fuming. He would be in the dog house for at least a week!

flippinada · 19/10/2013 11:30

Seriously, go and enjoy a restful night on your own at the hotel. You can get a good nights' sleep and a clear head.

Scarynuff · 19/10/2013 11:34

Actions speak louder than words. If he misses his birthday treat he might start to realise that you have a backbone and start to show you more respect.

Go on your own. Leave your ds with your mum and tell your dh that you are taking some time for yourself.

The only acceptable response from him would be a huge apology, lots of grovelling, some genuinely lovely gestures and him putting in the effort to make the evening special for you both.

Otherwise, stick to plan A and go on your own.

Coffeenowplease · 19/10/2013 12:43

Leave DS with him and go. Teach him how it feels to be you for once.

livinginwonderland · 19/10/2013 12:47

Go on your own.

ConfusedandDazed24 · 19/10/2013 12:51

Do you know what's weird, before I opened this thread I wondered if this would be you fairy. What's going on? Why is he being so selfish?

Original poster
fairy1303 · 19/10/2013 14:03

Don't know pumpkin, he's pulling stunts like this loads lately. He's being an arse. We have come together but he's ridiculously hungover and can barely talk. I'm so pissed off.

OP posts:
ConfusedandDazed24 · 19/10/2013 14:06

I can imagine, and you have my full sympathy Sad

Nancy66 · 19/10/2013 14:13

Another one that says go on your own. Clear your head, get some sleep, have some wine and room service, go for a peaceful walk. Think long and hard about your relationship and return feeling stronger and with some 'shape up or ship out' ultimatums for him.

LimitedEditionLady · 19/10/2013 17:00

Yes he messed up.id say still go together,have a calm.chat on the way just say that its not to start an argument just that in the future could he be more thoughtful and then when you get there have a goid night together,you booked it cos you needed that time together so do it together.you say youre young,well my and my oh are young and he still does daft things but not on purpose,its living and learning.surely going alone will only make it a bigger argument.

jeansthatfit · 19/10/2013 17:10

You can't really have a good night with someone who is horribly hung over though, can you?

If OP has already gone with partner in tow, that was a mistake. I think all you can do now is tough it out, leave him to recover (which of course will be what he wants anyway, which is annoying) - then wait a few days until you can tell him calmly how angry and disappointed you are.

It is a pretty clear message about how he values time with you, tbh.