how to deal with this woman..

[Loosingthebigkickers]

its possibly I am being sensitive and unreasonable.

I am a nanny. Have been for oh, coming up ten years now. Its a job I really love.

I attend a playgroup reguarly and all the mums have seemed really lovely. After six months or so one of the mum organised a get together, a play date kind of thing. We all met at her house for cake etc and she had a huge ball pit the kids were enjoying.

There was a particular mum there who I hadn't really spoken to before, and it would seem she hadn't realised I was a nanny. The conversation turned to my job, and I explained the role etc. This mum, lets call her A, became instantly cold towards me. Refused to engage in conversation, ignoring me etc. It was so awkward and I noticed atleast one other mum there clocked it too. .. Later the conversation turned to maternity leave. .going back to work... childcare. A spilled this aggressive rant about how expensive childcare is, how it alienated mums from returning to work because they can't afford it etc Her gripes were justified, sure. I agreed. But it was really aimed at me.. She basically implied that my job took advantage of parents and ' if I were a nanny I don't think I could tell anyone!'

I left shortly after, and now four days on its all I can think of.

I want to go back to playgroup because the children love it but I feel awful.

Should I be ashamed? I don't even really know what to say.. I feel really confused. . do parents blame the provider for the cost? I certainly don't earn amazingly but understand it's a huge chunk of someone else's wage. I am a mum myself but when they were little I worked with them, which I know is extremely lucky.

Punch her in the throat.

Or else just ignore her. I'm sure everyone else thought she was totally unreasonable too. Don't feel bad - these are HER issues. Not yours.

Go back. The other mums will support you. If you're brave enough go straight up to this woman and tell her that you are proud of what you do and that your employer appreciates you. If she tries to go on the attack just stick to your guns, tell her other people's childcare arrangements aren't her business and you are proud of what you do... and appreciated... repeat until she is the one who decides to leave the group.

She's a wanker.

If you hire anyone then you give them a chunk of your wage. Solicitors, plumbers, nice man who mended your fence.

It's how it works.

She doesn't sound very bright.

Wow, clearly A has some issues but they're her issues not yours don't let her stop you going to playgroup. You're doing a job and looking after your family, screw her.

What a stupid woman. Ignore her vile rant.

What a twat.

She sounds horribly jealous. Did you tell your employer about her?

She sounds as if she would like to go back to work and isn't able to afford to. As someone else said, that isn't your problem, it is hers.
Go back, head held high and ignore her.

BTW, I have Nanny and she is worth every single penny and more. I certainly don't blame her for the cost and if anything, feel guilty that we don't pay her more.

She sounds delightful. Ignore her, you have nothing to feel ashamed about.

I would ignore her and make a point to go and seek out the person who's house you went to.
Thank her again for inviting you and then I would say something along the lines of " oh I hope me being there didn't make it uncomfortable when xx was talking about how much she hates nanny's - I love my job etc"

I love "punch her in the throat" People can only make you feel shitty if you allow them to make you feel shitty.
Her attitude is bizarre. Does she rant at bus drivers because they make it harder for taxi drivers to make a living?!?! I would be icily polite in front of your charges. But tell her to roundly fuck off if you get a sly chance to. Ignore and enjoy the rest of the group, I would bet my life they like you and think shes a fool.

She has issues and is blaming you for resentment she holds about her own life. It's nothing to do with you. I'd carry on meeting up with the group but just keep a polite distance from her. If she's this weird about you being a nanny she's probably going to be a difficult person in all kinds of other ways so I wouldn't bother trying to win her over.

And when you ask - do parents blame the provider for the cost? - no, we don't. Not if we have a shred of sanity. No need to feel guilty for providing a service and charging for it. I presume if she's ever worked she was paid for her work too... That's how capitalism works. She's troubled by something, and it's not your fault.

She's a total twat, ignore.

Thank you for the replies! Clearly I need a thicker skin!
No I didn't feel I could mention anything to my employer .. I was so shocked it really made me doubt myself!

Unfortunately the area is very posh and I noticed there were a few mums who prefer not to befriend the nannies.

Fortunately mostly everyone I've ever met while working has been lovely. . so this just totally baffled me.

The thing is I have always been proud of my job. I love it. Am really passionate about it and, if previous references and relationships are to go on.. I'm really good at it! All my jobs come through word of mouth and I'm always being recommended which is so lovely.

Going to stand in front of the mirror and give myself a talking to ready to face her next week. pull yourself together woman Might have to forego the punch to her throat. . crb is due to be renewed soon

What a fucking bitch!!! I love the nannies and minders at playgroup, they're usually far more interesting to be honest and I always think how lucky the family who have them are!! Definitely go back and be prepared for her the next time, how bizarre I bet her husband ran off with the nanny or something!

Also if they don't attempt to include/befriend nannies because they deem them less worthy, then they are ignorant, shallow and do not deserve your friendship

cupid
Ooh. I wonder Unfortunately I suspect she's just weird.

What a vile person, shudder her off, (every time)

I bet she made everyone there feel very uncomfortable, and they will be really pleased to see you,

She must be really thick, as anyone sensible would want to pick your brains for child care advice, and keep your employer informed, I bet they would like to know that someone was nasty to the person looking after their child.

and of course give your fellow nannies and childminders the heads up, how they will be regarded by her, if they were unfortunate enough to work for her.

She was rude having a go at you in someone else's house. Idiot woman!

Why the heck should you be ashamed? You have worked as a nanny for ten years so why should she spoil it for you, through her ill informed ranting.

She should have thought about all the aspects of childcare before having her children, the problem lies with her lack of forethought and planning, not you.

Take a deep breath, go back and ignore her.

She's basically a bully, it's fine to have your own opinions but it's not ok to voice them in such a nasty way. You should be proud of the job you do looking after the children in your care. Go back with your head held high and ignore this silly woman.

what an idiot!
Does she expect you to work as a nanny on a voluntary basis, providing a free service?!
She is a very very odd woman. Don't let her dictate what you do and where you go. Fuck her!

Ignore. She isn't worth it. I used to live in a reasonably posh area where the Nanny would be ignored. One of them is still my one of my bezzies! Don't give a shit about what anyone thinks, you obviously do a good job, you enjoy it, and she sounds like a bit of a harridan!

She decided to have children, knowing that she couldn't afford professional childcare costs. That's her problem and not yours! No one made her have a baby. She will just have to accept that looking after other people's children is hard work and nannies earn every penny they get - it's not the same as looking after your own dc, however lovely the kids are. If she's not willing to accept that then her option is to be a sahp.

She is barking if she thinks she has a right to have a baby and someone else look after it full time for a pittance!

I think child care is very expensive, and it should be made easier for women to go back to work - but that should be via tax breaks or subsidies, not by penalising nannies! She sounds bonkers.

Suggest sweetly that she offers to look after strangers children ...for free. Honestly what a loon.

Please don't let her upset you. I have been on the end of ill informed rants from randoms (am a lawyer) my friend (tabloid journalist) has too. In fact most jobs can attract negative comment unless you are something saintly in the medical profession.