how to deal with this woman..

[Loosingthebigkickers]

its possibly I am being sensitive and unreasonable.

I am a nanny. Have been for oh, coming up ten years now. Its a job I really love.

I attend a playgroup reguarly and all the mums have seemed really lovely. After six months or so one of the mum organised a get together, a play date kind of thing. We all met at her house for cake etc and she had a huge ball pit the kids were enjoying.

There was a particular mum there who I hadn't really spoken to before, and it would seem she hadn't realised I was a nanny. The conversation turned to my job, and I explained the role etc. This mum, lets call her A, became instantly cold towards me. Refused to engage in conversation, ignoring me etc. It was so awkward and I noticed atleast one other mum there clocked it too. .. Later the conversation turned to maternity leave. .going back to work... childcare. A spilled this aggressive rant about how expensive childcare is, how it alienated mums from returning to work because they can't afford it etc Her gripes were justified, sure. I agreed. But it was really aimed at me.. She basically implied that my job took advantage of parents and ' if I were a nanny I don't think I could tell anyone!'

I left shortly after, and now four days on its all I can think of.

I want to go back to playgroup because the children love it but I feel awful.

Should I be ashamed? I don't even really know what to say.. I feel really confused. . do parents blame the provider for the cost? I certainly don't earn amazingly but understand it's a huge chunk of someone else's wage. I am a mum myself but when they were little I worked with them, which I know is extremely lucky.

It's so difficult. I understand how I hard it is. I want another baby and I know that its likely to mean the end of my current work for a while unless im lucky to take them with me because we won't be able to afford childcare either, but it's somthing we've needed to carefully consider and plan for.

But I just felt like she put me, personally at the centre of her rage over it. I felt totally attacked if im honest and a little bit more guarded over it future.

Perhaps I should accept that I am 'staff' and may be treated as such by some!

OP the days of "staff" are long gone, the woman was a twat.
I am not lucky enough to have a nanny but have had two fantastic childminders, I pay them for a service (which I think they earn every penny of) but they are looking after the most precious thing in my life, so I treat them with respect and as an equal. After all we are all Mums, earning a living.

She was way out of line, treating you like that. Her frustration at the system should be taken out on the system, not you.

However, I think you need to be a bit understanding about other mums not really wanting to befriend nannies. As long as they are friendly, they don't have to become your friends.

I saw a mum who's nanny became really pally with a lot of the other school mums left on the sidelines for awhile - even though she did quite a few of the drop offs and picks up. Because of that I preferred to be friends with the mum, rather than the nanny, although I was still friendly with the nanny (IYSWIM?!).

So :( to read your story, OP. Your job has nothing to do with that lady's problems. I've made friends with childminders & nannies, before, at toddler groups. Why not? Usually have lots of good insights & good for a laugh, what else do some people want, sheesh.

DIY sorry I shouldn't have used the word friend. . its a case of things being a cliquey sometimes and mums purposefully avoiding nannies. . I don't really think its appropriate to forge actual friendships with mums who may be friends with my employer. . I think its tricky ground. I just like to be nice and welcoming to everyone I meet. im probably definitely too nice lol

BigKnickers, I honest to Pete could not do what you do. I mean it. I think that childcare workers, particularly those who are working in isolation (I mean, not one of a heap of nursery staff) should be paid shedloads of money. And this is just my reaction to that feeling of 'God I need a child free day!'

If you think about all the skills you need to do your job, the safeguarding, the education and so forth that you provide... it's valuable work.

I'd quite like a shiny new car, but I can't afford one. It's not the fault of of the car retailers or the car sellers that I can't afford one. It's not your fault that this woman cannot return to work.

(Oops! I seem to have missread your username! )

Lol like bigknickers!
Some days im not entirely sure how I keep my sanity. . lord knows that Friday night glass of wine is more like a prescription. . but I do enjoy it! Right now I have a snoozy toddler on me, I love how safe and comfortable my charges are with me. It's totally rubbish having to be away from mum and the absolute best bit about my job is knowing they feel safe and close to me enough to be the next best thing. .it means they can relax and enjoy the day instead of just waiting for parents return.

any way...I digress .so we all agree she's a cow. . childcare fees should be subsidised and I should get paid more haha

thsnk you wise MNetters. I was surprised how much this rocked me.

Total cow and a little unhinged. Nannies aren't the only child care option, she could use a CM which is cheaper. Why does she think a nanny shouldn't be paid a fair wage for the valuable work they do? Totally crazy view point.

Tell her to fuck right off next time.