Overreacting or Not ?? Shall I Back Down & Let Her Go??

[Rockinhippy]

DD has just stormed off to school in the biggest huff with me to date, she's barely spoken to me all morning & is visibly upset & angry, which generally even at this preeteen age is very unlike her :-(

I had to tell her this morning that I am not happy about the arrangements for her friends birthday party later today & as much as I want to let her go, I just don't feel at all comfortable that it is either safe or in her best interests - feeling so crap now I am wondering if I am over reacting - ill right now, so possible, though DH agrees with me, but admits he is prone to over protecting her - its usually me arguing her corner that he needs to let her grow up - shes 11.

Situation is...

Her friends DM, who I consider to be my friend & is really lovely & I would normally trust DD with her without question, despite some difficult family issues - BUT she has only very recently passed her driving test, picking up their new, very large people carrier type car only a couple of days ago - I've no idea how much time she has had to get out driving at night, but I suspect very little, no time with family commitments & other issues.

The DM also has health issues which as they are the same/similar issues as I have, I know for fact can affect night vision & spacial awareness - if she was an experienced driver, this wouldn't bother me quite so much as I know plenty who drive & cope just fine, but it's the combination of new driver, new much larger car that she has already commented on she is going to need to get used to the bigger/wider size.

I've had very bad experiences on 2 occasions accompanying new drivers, with their new cars on their early drives, so maybe that colours my view a bit too much ?

On top of this - My DD also has health issues, which often leave her exhausted & due to an injury she has been having a really bad couple of weeks, to the point of getting sent home from school as she was so shaky & exhausted - she was desperate for a rest yesterday & couldn't even cope with a couple of hours at youth club, so I'm also concerned that she would struggle to cope with a normal type party, but would have let her go as they are very good friends - BUT - plans are for a midnight drive out into the country - friends DD is obviously proud if her DMs new cars & seems its going to be treat a bit as a limo, Ive been told she wants to arrive here by new car to pick my DD up, with music pumping out, drive back to theirs, then much later after dark drive out to a secluded country spot to set of fireworks etc - she wants midnight, which doesn't surprise me, they do seem to have a thing about that time at this age :) -

but that ontop of a weekend sleep over I am just not sure is good for my own DD right now - she took a week to recover from her own birthday & really struggled at school as a result - & that was before the injury :(

I had planned to let my friend know that DD can't go today, but I now feel awful - but then I have every bone in my body screaming not to let her go

AIBU ???

Are you not in England Rockin?

In England, but in a holiday resort where the council neither care about the rules been broken, don't have enough staff man hours to police it & frequently break the rules themselves with events anyway & do sod all when they do catch people breaking any noise related rules voice of bitter experience

The fact that your council aren't that interested doesn't make it any less illegal though.

it’s against the law for anyone to set off fireworks between 11pm and 7am, except on certain occasions

That covers all of the UK, no exceptions. The local Police can enforce this as well as the Council and fines are up to £5,000 and/or imprisoned for 3 months for buying or using fireworks illegally. You could also get an on-the-spot fine of £80.

Not around here unfortunately - honestly our system for policing this sort of thing is a total joke, I really do wish it were different as we suffer badly with noise here, regular fireworks on the beach in the middle of the night included - police aren't interested, pass it off the EH who have no one to come out to witness it, bar on rare occasions & give you a diary to fill in for a week - so a 1 off incident will be ignored, illegal or not, - though I suspect the DM won't know it's illegal as its such a common occurrence around here

I would be reluctant for my DD to go to that party. I'd probably just be honest with your DD's friend's Mum and tell her how your feel. She's an inexperienced driver with a new car she's not used to. She's driving late at night on a country road with lots of excited DCs in the car which is hardly ideal. I think the fact that your DD's friend's Mum seems oblivious of these things makes me think it's a bit risky. I'd trust your gut instinct in this incidence.

Poor dd, sounds like it's all for the best if she doesn't go for many reasons and I'm glad it seems to have resolved itself.

Glad it's not just me re the dogging

All I know about dogging has been garnered from MN honestly, but I did get a bit of an education googling a local lay-by I run past regularly to find out if it would be open during roadworks. The first hit was a dogging site I never would have pegged it in a million years so nothing would surprise me these days.

Turns out its not at the area DD thought it would be, but another local beach further out, so not ideal, as passing boy racer land stretch of road on route, but not so bad a drive & well lit etc - if DD feels up to it, I will take her by bus if its not going to be too late - I have explained, I'm sure my friend will understand, she seems too, she also didn't realise DD gets so travel sick - so I think that has out her off taking her anyway,

I just googled to check if the beach is a dogging one - now think I need to go bleach my eyes think its okay, but seems there's a lot more than I ever realised & lots advertising for meet up

Driving for nearly 30 years, and I don't mind night driving, but honestly I would hesitate before I would drive a winding country road, late at night, with children in the car! OP, your instincts are not letting you down, IMO.