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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have the rage at DH for not taking all the hints about what I would like for my birthday?

49 replies

hudyerwheesht · 17/10/2013 12:44

I have been desperate to see Les Mis on stage since I saw the film at the start of the year and have dropped squillions of hints to DH - all of which have been about as subtle as a shower of sledgehammers - in the hope that he might surprise me with a ticket for my birthday next week.
When we have been to London(we live about an hour and a half away) I have always made a point of talking about it whilst gazing longingly at the Queens Theatre as we go past, which we always seem to do. One time I took a brochure and stuck it on my dressing table mirror where it has been ever since.
The other night I remarked that I would like to see Chicago on stage and he said "I thought it was Les Mis you wanted to see?" and I said "yes, well, obviously that's the one I'm desperate to see most of all",etc,etc.
There are about a dozen other examples but this post is long enough. Suffice to say I have been on a campaign.
He has sent a text this morning asking for "birthday ideas" and now is getting pissy because I am being vague. He's now saying "you're not helping",etc.
So despite months and months of hint-dropping (he's not one for romantic gestures so I have pratically handed him the suggestion on a plate) he is still not able to formulate the idea.
I know I could just tell him that's what I want (actually I practically have) but AIBU to just want him to think of it for himself and make the gesture and therefore be pissed off that he still hasn't?

OP posts:
treas · 17/10/2013 12:46

YABU - men do not do "hints" subtle or unsubtle.

If you want something you have to say - after all it is what they do, apparentlyHmm

bearleftmonkeyright · 17/10/2013 12:47

Yabu, just tell the poor guy Grin

DrHoraceWorblehat · 17/10/2013 12:47

I understand where you're coming from but yab a teeny bit u. Just tell him what you're after. I just tell my Dh now what I want. He just doesn't get hints.

TheGhostsAndGhoulsOfHitchhikin · 17/10/2013 12:47

Yabu. Dont beat about the bush and just tell him what you want. Although you have dropped hints you havnt actually told him, He is not a mind reader I presume?

LayMeDown · 17/10/2013 12:47

He should have got the hints is suppose, but I never really get the point of this hint dropping anyway. I mean it removes the surprise element if you get it and ensures you are disappointed if you don't. Just tell him.

mrswishywashy · 17/10/2013 12:47

If you want to go just ask it would be worse if you didn't end up going because of cross wires. Nothing to get upset about but if you want a sulfide mention to him he's in charge of finding good restaurant on the day. I don't see the need to play the guessing game.

JammieCodger · 17/10/2013 12:48

Just tell him!

YABU to get pissed off when it's all about the gesture, not the gift itself. But I was NBU to be pissed off when I explicitly told my husband I wanted to go to a certain show for my birthday and still didn't get the tickets.

CoffeeTea103 · 17/10/2013 12:49

See he was on the right track when he thought you wanted to see les mis and then you confused him by saying Chicago ! Grin

Just tell him.

HereComesHoneyBooBooDragon · 17/10/2013 12:50

Text back

It's ok I'm happy just with the trip to Le Mis your sorting. I don't expect a present on top
Xx

Grin
mrsjay · 17/10/2013 12:50

my husband cant take a hint if i hit him in the face with it, tell your husband you really want to see les mis and then take me because i am dying to see it

Tommy · 17/10/2013 12:51

YANBU to feel rage but you are to expect him to take the hint.
I found a silver necklace in a catalogue that I loved one Christmas and i did everything to suggest it to him as a present - I even had some luminous post it notes with a big arrow and "I want this" stuck on the page in the catalogue.....
All to no avail - he bought me a 3-in-one fleece and raincoat thing - very cosy and practical but not a silver necklace.
I eventually bought it myself Grin

KhunZhoop · 17/10/2013 12:51

Why are you being vague NOW? Jeez, just tell the poor sod what you want for you flipping birthday!

DowntonTrout · 17/10/2013 12:53

What is wrong with saying "for my birthday this year I would like to go to see Les Mis in London." ?

I spent years being disappointed with Christmas and birthday presents. Until I realised my DH cannot read my mind.

Beastofburden · 17/10/2013 12:55

He loves you enough to try to get it right. He can't evolve better antennae just from love.

He is probably nervous of picking up the wrong hint. Often we are far less clear than we think we are- yes, you have been clear about les mis, but you may have forgotten other conversations where alternative things might have been discussed too.

hellsbellsmelons · 17/10/2013 13:01

I agree that men just can't do 'hints'
He's asked so tell him.
But take a couple of packs of tissues with you.
It's so much more moving than the film.
And yes to Chicago as well.
My top 2 West End shows by miles and miles!
He'd like Chicago for sure!!!

Original poster
hudyerwheesht · 17/10/2013 13:06

Yeah I do sound like an entitled cow dont I? Grin

I could tell him but a) I guess I wanted the surprise and b) imo I already have - many, many times. Trust me, the "hints" have not really been hints but actual statments about wanting to see it.
He knows Im desperate to see it apparantly. Its my birthday soon. Why so hard to put it together? There's no mind-reading there, imo.
Like the idea about saying Im happy with the trip to see Les Mis he's planning. Grin

OP posts:
KellyElly · 17/10/2013 13:08

Book it yourself for you and a friend and bill him Grin

littlewhitebag · 17/10/2013 13:08

Just tell him! I know I would.

ilovesooty · 17/10/2013 13:10

Ffs. Tell him, absolutely explicitly. However you've been communicating it obviously hadn't worked.

MintyChops · 17/10/2013 13:12

Just tell him. If he doesn't get it because he can't read your mind/put 2 and 2 together and come up with Les Mis I assume you will have more rage AND the "wrong" present AND a husband who thinks your are nuts for not telling him. Especially when he asked you. Why potentially cut off you nose to spite your face just to teach him a lesson?

Beastofburden · 17/10/2013 13:12

how can it be a surprise if you have made sure that he knows about it? you can't have a surpise and control the outcome.

be honest, what you want is evidence that he wants to please you so much that you can make him do things just by a hint, like Caligula or the Mafia Grin

it would be really funny if he is just teasing you and knows perfectly well what you want Grin

ilovesooty · 17/10/2013 13:12

'I've been trying to tell you before but it hasn't been clear enough. The only present that would make me happy is a trip to see Les Mis'

CambridgeBlue · 17/10/2013 13:14

I'm with you OP, this would wind me right up! My DH is kind and generous but usually needs the most specific details presented to him before buying me a present and it does spoil the surprise a bit.

Inertia · 17/10/2013 13:15

I think you could cut him a bit of slack here- he's obviously keen to get it right but the Chicago curve ball may have confused him.

Just tell him.

quoteunquote · 17/10/2013 13:17

Buy the tickets yourself.

I banned anyone buying me presents years ago, then if there is anything I want, I buy it, that way I always get what I want when I want, and never have to put up with unwanted gifts.

I need and want very little, and hate waste.