Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to have kicked off at another mother for confirming her child's fear of dogs!

364 replies

MrJugsMummy · 15/10/2013 17:12

Just taken my DS and our 1 year old springer spaniel for a walk in our local park. He was running off his lead as he always does and a toddler walked around the corner without her mother. Our spaniel is quite a caring dog and loves children and often tends to mother them somewhat (he worried himself senseless when my DS was ill last week slept on the sofa next to him and woke every time he so much as sniffed!) so he went up to the child the child screamed I called Brian away and said to the little girl "it's fine he won't hurt you he just wants to say hi", the kids mother then decided to make an appearance and pick up the child and had a go at me saying that I shouldn't let my dog off of his lead! She then turned to the child and said "Did he bite you?" to watch the child now upping the screaming and crying actually said "No" she then turned to me and said my dog was a menace and shouldn't be allowed near children!

I snapped at this point and said "My dog was concerned about the fact your child was seemingly by itself in a park, he simply went up to her to check she was ok, he didn't even jump up at her let alone bite her" she then started saying again that he shouldn't be off his lead!
I really got riled up then and shouted "My 5 year old son is here right next to me, I would have no qualms about leaving him alone in a room with my dog as he is well trained and good tempered and adores him, if I had any doubts about his behaviour I would not have him as a family pet and if I had any concerns about his behaviour around children do you seriously I would let him off his lead in a park after school with loads of children around!" I then stormed off and muttered that she was a stupid bitch!

I get so annoyed at parents who do this if your child doesn't like dogs don't take them to places where dogs are, I get that all children are scared of things but why confirm the fear?! If my DS ever shows fear about something I either reassure him that nothing will hurt him or tell him how to avoid being hurt.

Grr rant over

OP posts:
DarkVelvetySilkyShiraz · 15/10/2013 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

mrsjay · 15/10/2013 19:25

Nobody piled in I think the OP got off quite lightly what did she expect people to say people who treat their dogs like people really annoy me and to say aww the dog was just worried is ridiculous and it shouldn't be off lead that is what most people said ,

RussiansOnTheSpree · 15/10/2013 19:26

Brian Where I live, there are parks with special dog areas and areas where dogs aren't allowed to be. IME dog owners completely ignore this and let their shitty horrible monsters run around wherever they want. With special reference to childrens' playgrounds, and running/cycling paths. They often dump their poo filled plastic bags against the posts of the signs saying no dogs (because there are no poo bins, you see).

Rubysmommy · 15/10/2013 19:26

Very true - I don't know exactly what fears we are born with and yes of course fears can be learnt. (I forgot that every word written is taken in the literary sense on here!). What I was trying to say was that re-inforcing a fear of dogs doesn't help.
I wasn't judging the child's reaction - it was obviously frightening as others have said (which I agree with - the dog shouldn't have been allowed to approach the child). It just think it's sad when children show a fear and then parents show the same kind of reaction - surely it's better to try to stay calm to show that they needn't be scared...
(Yes some parents have phobias and can't help their reaction...
Yes some dogs are nasty... There will always be circumstances where being calm isn't possible)
Just in general - reinforcing a fear cant always be a good thing.

Lizzylou · 15/10/2013 19:27

Why would it be a dog park?
She just said park. I am sure such an enthusiastic dog owner would have mentioned the dog thing Grin

LtEveDallas · 15/10/2013 19:27

203 posts versus the OPs 2 posts? Yes, that is the very definition of piling in. Does she really need 203 posts telling her she is UR?

But carry on, do.

YoureBeingADick · 15/10/2013 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

mrsjay · 15/10/2013 19:29

well she did post in here she did ask maybe folk should just get their threads deleted if they dont want anymore replies she started a thread thats the whole point Confused

mrsjay · 15/10/2013 19:31

I agree with you ruby snatching a child up is just reinforcing the fear imo and doesn't help nothing to do with children being scared of dogs fear is irrational sometimes

NoComet · 15/10/2013 19:31

YAB so totally and utterly U I'm finding it hard to to call you names that will get me deleted.

DD1 doesn't like dogs and neither does DH, why do dog owner assume every body does.

(I'm not sure if this is connected because my more highly strung and more like her Dad DD2 loves dogs and I'll stroke them out of politeness. I'd never bother owning one.)

You wouldn't inflict your cigarette smoke on a small child, why inflict your dog.

Please let children and adults make the first move and call your dog back if they approach someone, unless they make it very clear they don't mind.

Echocave · 15/10/2013 19:32

I'm a dog owner who grew up with dogs and you are not only being U, you are also giving dog owners a bad name.

Dogs don't need to be on leads all the time but children do get scared of animals almost the same size as them running up to them. I am teaching dc to approach dogs kindly and actually carefully because some dogs can get a bit overexcited or do something stupid. They are fab creatures but they are still animals. Apart from yours whose levels of empathy apparently rival that of the canine star of a Hollywood film.

Lizzylou · 15/10/2013 19:33

My first post was to the op, lteve (it really does read like a wind up), all the rest have been to other posters.
As a lot of others are.

DarkVelvetySilkyShiraz · 15/10/2013 19:34

Rubys

I have taught my DD to have a healthy fear of dogs.
We have feckless types round here deliberately goading nasty looking dogs and baiting them running loose in our parks. Or walking down the street with no lead.

We are also taught not to stare at dogs or put our face on their level which of course children's are. No avoiding that.

We have a gorgeous little dog, but even I as her owner, who has seen her interact with my DC would never 100% trust her purely because she is an animal.

Its usually the beloved family pet who puts a child in a and e...

On the reverse we get millions of parents of toddler or children wanting to stroke her, those that ask nicely first, get a stroke those that don't do not.

I always thank the children for asking, and say its the right thing to do.

LtEveDallas · 15/10/2013 19:35

Yep, posted in here just after 5. Left the thread 10 minutes later, and 2 hours on people are still wading in and calling her an idiot.

Oh yes, I'm sure that's the kind of thread that MN is loved and applauded for. Fucksake.

Christ, and we had 3 whole fucking threads slagging off the 'de-railers' yet this sort of bollocks is ok?

EndoplasmicReticulum · 15/10/2013 19:35

Oh, you're one of the "he's only being friendly" brigade.

I had enough of those when mine were toddlers. Yes, the dog was probably very friendly. But it's still bigger than they are and will probably knock them over.

Rubysmommy · 15/10/2013 19:37

Thanks mrs jay.
Darkvelvety- that's exactly what I meant (think i said that in my first post, cant remember) Teaching them a healthy respect for dogs is a good thing.

starlight1234 · 15/10/2013 19:37

I have a son who is scared of Dogs..I encouraged him to be calmer around dogs then we went to a park a dog jumped up at my son...Was a scared for him yes...you might think your dog is the gentliest dog in the world how does anyone else...

So yes your dog should not of gone near the child and you should of called the dog off

29chapel · 15/10/2013 19:41

Kato - can't stop laughing at you referencing Brian by name.

Bunbaker · 15/10/2013 19:41

Where has the OP gone?

DogAndBeardedDragon · 15/10/2013 19:45

Yanbu! She was being hysterical

Doubletroublemummy2 · 15/10/2013 19:45

I'm a little more in agreement with OP. I also have a spaniel, 6 months old. She is friendly and inquisitive and quite excitable. My LG's school lets out onto a park and we go get the girls and then take the dog for a run. I get really cross with people who bring their children into the park and don't watch what they are doing. I have had to tell children to go and fetch their parent if the want to say hi to my dog, one girl nearly got a face full of teeth because she snuck up behind my dog and grabbed it and said "boo". Poor dog pooed herself! The responsibility goes both ways. I let my dog off the lead but call her back when she approaches people. (she is 6 months, and not perfect, sorry but we are working on it). But likewise I have never let my children wander into a park with out direct supervison at all times. My guess is the woman got a fright and lashed out, and the proverbial "slap in the face" made you lash back, Forgive, forget and carry on being a good dog owner,.

MNHQ
JulieMumsnet · 15/10/2013 19:47

Evening.

Many thanks for all the reports. We've had a look at the OP and have no reason to think she's up to no good, but do please flag anything else you want us to look at.

All the best,

MNHQ.

YouTheCat · 15/10/2013 19:50

So what about me, as an adult then? I don't require supervision to go to a park.

I'm still frightened of dogs off lead that approach me though.

Tbh I don't go to parks because of the dogs.

5madthings · 15/10/2013 19:50

There are no dog free parks here, there are play areas within parks that dogs are not supposed to go into...

And signs saying to control your dog etc, I have to go across a field to get to school, lots of dog owners walk there and its fine as long ad dogs are controlled. My ds4 is terrified after being jumped on by two dogs that were "just saying hello"... He is OK if he sees they are in a lead but scared if they are not. I simply hold his hand and reassure him. But if a dog comes up to say 'hello' he is terrified and as I am allergic I don't want them jumping up and slobbering etc.

I have taught am my children to ask before petting a dog. It would be nice if dog owners would afford others the same courtesy. Thankfully most do, but those that let their digs come and say hello without checking if its OK fist give owners a bad name and it increases ds4'sfear which we are working hard to deal with.

I don't care how friendly/gentle your dog is, I don't want it bounding up to me and my children, if you can't stop it doing that then keep it on a lead.

Weegiemum · 15/10/2013 19:54

An off-lead dog once ran up to my ds when he was 2. Jumped about - then bit my ds in the shoulder, severing a vein. Ds needed a blood transfusion and plastic surgery on the scar.

The owner denied it was his dog that did it. Idiot!

I didn't get a name/reg number on car etc - too busy calling 999!

If you have a dog that will run up to children, keep it on a lead! You can't predict dog behaviour (don't tell me your dog wouldn't bite!!) and you have to make sure everyone is safe.

My ds is now "ok" round dogs that he knows and at age 11 has even taken a dog for a walk alone on a lead (old man locally heard about the attack and helped ds's recovery by introducing Dougal, the Scottie. Ds was really upset when Dougal died!). But a collie still makes him tense up and worry. It was a very scary event.

Please don't let a dog jump round a child. Or anyone. It's not fair.

Swipe left for the next trending thread