to want to crawl into bed, in the dark and stay there for ever ??

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

Dd2 (13) took an overdose again on sunday afternoon. Six paracetamol this time. No idea where she got them from, as we have a locked cabinet for meds and sharps.

She was kept in hospital overnight, seen by emergency cahms on mon morning, and then discharged home, and saw our own camhs team on the afternoon.

People keep asking me what help she is getting and I don't know what to say. She see's camhs weekly, but no, things, don't appear to be getting anywhere.
She also self harms by cutting her arms and legs, and doesn't eat properly.

Her last overdose before this was about 4 weeks ago. Afterwards my doc signed me off work for 2 weeks with stress. I am already on anti depressants myself. After the 2 weeks he signed me off again, for a further 2 weeks.
Work have threatened me with the sack. I am back in tomorrow and am dreading the frosty atmosphere.
People keep telling me to hand in my notice, but i#m a lone parent, so it's stay in this job or sign on, which I couldn't even do if I walked from my job anyway.

So, hiding in my bed seems like a very reasonable option to me atm. Obviously i won;t do it lol. I have to go collect dd's meds soon, then fetch ds, and then take dd1 to a careers show. The thought is nice though lol.

So sorry you're going through this, I can't imagine how awful it is to see your child in pain and not know how to help. Does your boss know what's going on? It may be worth giving them a picture if not so they can be more sympathetic to your need to be with your DD.

I'm sure you will get good advice from others soon, I am giving you a hug until then.

Surely they can't sack you for being signed off by a doctor? I hope not anyway.

I hope you get advice, is there anything any of us can do for you, or your dd?

Original this was my DD (15) 4 months ago. How long has she been taking meds for? We saw a real improvement (with ADs) after about 6 weeks. She hasn't s/harmed for nearly 3 months now. She has weekly talking therapy (its private though) as well. Please keep the faith - I know how bloody awful it feels, when I talked to people I got the same response and just used to give them this face as we were doing everything possible to help her. No advice re work but try to be nice to yourself and realise what a huge drain and stress this is on your emotions. Sending you lots of and because it's fucking awful being where you are.

Wow I can't say I blame you! Sorry you and your DD are having such a tough time.

Is your DD taking her medication properly? I suffer from depression and anxiety and have phases were I really resent having to take my tablet, don't take it, feel shit, and then start taking it again -silly I know! I know you probably are anyway but make sure she is taking it.

Go back into work with your head held high and carry on with your job, they can't sack you surely!

[massive unmumsnetty hug]

TheOriginal, I am sending you hugs and good wishes. My 16 yr old ds was hospitalised about six months ago for suicidal ideation and self harm. I felt broken even though I had great support from dh and family. Coping with this as a single mum must be wrenching and exhausting. I can only say that we moved forward slowly and in small steps. Is there anyone you can speak with regarding your own feelings? I worked very hard to appear calm and strong in front of my son. I broke down and wept like a child with my dh and best friend.

Take care of yourself. Xx

TheOriginal So sorry you are going through this. I've been through it too, ended up in hospital myself with an ulcer, horribly stressful. Managed to get dd through it with hospitalisation, counselling and some ADs. She's at Uni now and everything is ok. Sending you a ((hug)) and hope it starts to get better.

Oh nutty, I'm so sorry. No advice, but thinking of you all.

what a terrible terrible situation.i am so sorry.why does she say she is doing this, what do you think the cause is?
I would get this moved onto another board, and talk this through with others if it is difficult to IRL

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter - you must be in anguish. I would just like to add that girls ( and boys) of this age are often in the grip of extreme emotions which sometimes overcome them. Many young teens self-harm or even attempt to take their own lives over issues which they can deal with successfully when they are a little older. There are so many pressures on young people - including the pressure to confront adult life too soon - that it is not surprising that sometimes they feel they can't cope. Sometimes it is a matter of keeping them safe until they gain the maturity to cope. A couple of years often makes all the difference at this age and your daughter may well leave all this behind her as her hormones settle down. This is terrible for you though - especially without support - and I don't blame you at all for wanting to hide away from it all. Look after yourself and give your daughter as much unconditional love and support as possible. The teenage years are often a nightmare - but the vast majority of young people eventually emerge unscathed.

hugs and lots of them op, and agree with Better. teens are at best emotional and unbalanced.

keep posting here as you can say whatever you feel and you will get support xxxxx

I had a brush with this its just awful

Dont worry about work I am sure if you are signed off they cant sack you , ignore frostiness as ever when you havent been there you dont understand.

Any support form her Dad ?

Hang onto those who are saying they came through the other side x

Finally, I can get back on here. Is it just me that gets a 'site down' mkessage most of the time ?

Thanks so much for the replies. Now need to try and remember who said what lol.

Dd is on 20mg of Fluoxetine a day and 4mg of Circadin for sleep. She started on 10mg, and went up to 20 about 3 weeks ago.
When asked why she does what she does, she always replies 'don't know'. She did tell camhs that she can't remember the last time she felt happy.

She thinks she is fat, and is currently trying to limit herself to 800 calories a day. She is 5'3 and weighs 7 stone 2.

Me and her dad split 8 years ago. I know dd was never happy about the split, but I thought she had come to terms with it. She said she was happy then, but the reality is, that she remembers it how she wanted it to be, and not how it was, cos infact non of us were happy then.

Work do know exactly what has been going on.
Basically, I started in March this year. I work with children and unfortunatly, in the first couple of months I picked up every bug going and did have a couple of days off here and there.
When dd first got ill in Mayish time, I had 2 weeks off with stress while we tried to sort her out. She was refusing school at the time, and also wasn't allowed to be left alone.

Then I had the 4 weeks that Ive just had. Work basically said that I am unreliable and have let the staff, children and parents down. I then more or less had to beg for my job. (must point out at this point that i am a minimum wage assistant btw, not a qualified room leader or anything like that).
They have agreed to let me drop to 16 hours, but said it is my last chance, and that by being so unreliable I have breached my contract, and will be sacked if I ring in sick again.

So, if dd ends up in hospital again, and I have to take the following day off, I will be sacked.
There has been some bitching going on about me while I've not been there too.

A friend suggested I quit and apply for ESA but i'm not sure. I have also applied for dla for dd, but not holding out much hope for that tbh.

It's like having a baby again tbh. Meds and sharps have to be locked away, and doors have to be locked as she sometimes does a runner. I can't leave her on her own at all, and she hates me not being around.

Oh and help from xp is very minimal and not normally worth the hassle. On dd's second hospital admission, I asked xp to take us as I'd had 2 glasses of wine over a meal with my mum earlier on.
He said I was always pissed and no winder I never have any money.

I drink once a week.

This time, I asked if he could drop my mum home, as she stayed overnight to look after dd1 and ds and he moaned like I was asking him to drive her to the other side of the moon (in my car and with my petrol i might add).

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have been in a similar position - not with a child, but with a partner who was threatening suicide and I understand how difficult it is. Feel free to ignore my advice, but at the moment your daughter needs you desperately. You may never know why she is feeling the way she does, but the important thing to remember is that it is real. It is so difficult growing up these days and children face so much pressure. If you can possibly manage without your job for a while, then do so. But if you can't, then I understand that as well. I'm sorry if this isn't helping. Just want you to know that you are very brave and very strong and everything you are doing now is helping her. Big hugs xxxxx

Thank you josephine

Did your partner get much help ??

Moneywise, I am as poor as a church mouse atm. I am currently paying £300 a month council tax as they reckon I was over paid some when I was self employed (I wasn't). Thats half my wages gone. By the time I pay the rent I am supposed to, thats it, wages gone.
I also have debts,. although I have contacted a debt place about them, and they are going to sort out a plan thing.

I couldn't be any worse off financially. I am curently selling pretty much anything I can i ebay and facebook just to make ends meet., so being back on benefits wouldn't be any worse. It's more other peoples opinions and reactions to me giving the job up thats stop me.

Nutty so sad to read this, I have no advice I'm afraid

Are there any employment lawyers round here? I have a feeling that threatening someone with the sack for a reason connected with the disability of someone they care for may be disability discrimination and unlawful. If so, that could make your employers think again.

Another one who has been through this a couple if times; I feel your pain.

Is she seeing cahms yet? And, looking ahead, ask about age transition points between child and adult hmm help - my daughter was left in the lurch between the two around 17/18.

Please try and look after yourself - so much easier said than done I know! (Hugs)

She sees camhs weekly, but i'm not sure it is getting her anywhere atm. Dd doesn't say much at the meetings though tbh. She doesn't say much full stop.

It is also starting to effect dd1 and ds. Dd1 worries she will come home one day and find dd dead
Ds just was here the first time dd2 took tablets, and he really couldn't comprehend why.

My partner had a lot of help, but it didn't stop him from killing himself. I'm no expert, but it does sound as if you are not benefiting financially from work and it is causing you more stress. People more qualified than I will be able to give you better advice about work and your rights - CAB are always really helpful. In my opinion your employers should cut you some slack. If you do decide to give up work, then it is not because you are lazy etc, but because you have a child who is ill. If people don't understand that, then do you really want them in your life? You need support too - it is not easy being the person who is too afraid to go out just in case that's the moment they decide to do it. I stopped my partner from killing himself 5 times before he actually did it and it was still a shock to me when he actually did as he had stopped talking about it - but apparently that's the worst time because that's when they generally make up their minds to go ahead with it. People in that situation really do believe that if they died it would be better for everyone. They are not selfish, mental or whatever insult people throw at them - they are ill. And they need looking after and proper treatment as much as a cancer patient, for example. xxxxx

Oh goodness josephone, I am so sorry. That must have been so awful for you to deal with.

Nutty I have followed your story over the years
Icant believe things are so crap for you :(
& your ex is still bring the biggest twat ever over money
I know you struggled so hard to get a job
So crappy that they're bitching about you
Definitely go to cab & get advice on the work stuff

xxx

Everything CaptainSweatPants said, I really had hoped once you'd managed to get some physical distance from your ex he'd bloody well grow up

I suffer very badly from long term depression and I really can't think of anything to help apart from getting the right drugs - which can take so long as it's trial and error (took me about a year) and long term psycotherapy - I'm not even sure if this is something cahms offer .

Most of all as teen what I really needed was to hear repeatedly is that someone loved me absolutely unconditionally, and perhaps being told that one day I would feel better even if I couldn't imagine it.

God, OP, what an awful situation for you all. Whereabouts are you - is there a youth counselling agency in your area that DD2 could access?

Every sympathy for you OP, my DD suffered from depression and self-harmed from 15. For two years I was scared to come home from work every day, in case she had killed herself.

But, with the help of CAMHS and medication she very slowly improved over 18 months, and 4 weeks ago she left home to go to Uni.

She still takes the meds and still has episodes of feeling very low. BUT she has learned to deal with her bad/sad moments and I would never have imagined 3 years ago that she would be coping so well. She loves being at Uni and says it is so much better than she expected.

I'm sorry I can't give you any advice, all I can say is be patient. The improvements my DD made were miniscule at the time but they all added up to the point where she is now a (mostly) happy and confident young woman.

I do understand your fears for your daughter, they are hard to live with especially when you have other stresses (work, ex etc). I really hope that one day in the not too distant future you come out the other side.