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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you make of this text from ds' friend's mom

44 replies

buaitisi · 15/10/2013 11:53

Hi, nothing too heavy, just interested in another perspective. My son is 5 and is good friends with two other little boys at school.

They are at a phase where bums, butts, boobs etc are hilarious to them and are always saying things like 'hi bumhead, bye booby brain' etc to each other.

I don't take much notice, it's never said maliciously they just think those words are funny. They're very good boys, never mean, good manners and stuff apart from the usual 5 year old stuff.

Anyway got a msg today from one of the other moms, it basically said 'today dsf said bye bum-head to one of my friends, I wasn't there she just told me, can you please tell him off if he ever says something like that again. I think they have stepped over the line now'

She is a little more strict than I am with some things. Ds is usually well behaved and I'm strict with manners but fairly laid back with everything else.

There have been a few pursed lips and snarky comments when ds does some things eg he's allowed to sometimes play games on iPad or he knows the lyrics to Michael Jackson's 'Bad'. We got a 'oh it's ds whose teaching him those kind of songs'

Anyway, as I said, this is nothing serious and I'm prob being paranoid but do you think she's getting a dig at me?

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 15/10/2013 11:56

Are you serious?

You dont think you ought to offer your child guidance when he uses words like "bum head" and "booby brain" ?

Where will it end? Dick head? Motherfu cker?

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2013 12:00

How can you say you're strict about manners and then say you're not worried about him calling people names?

tinyturtletim · 15/10/2013 12:01

I definitely think you need to make it abundantly clear to your ds that he must not call adults these names.

I personally wouldn't be offended as we use silly namesat home but I can ddefinitely see some would be.

LunaticFringe · 15/10/2013 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pawprint · 15/10/2013 12:03

I would tell ds off if he said things like that. I wouldn't get heavy, but I would say that it isn't nice to call people names.

Having said that, all kids think toilet humour is funny - my ds is eleven and he still thinks jokes about poo etc are funny.

I don't quite understand your post - was it her child who said it and was she implying that he learned it from your son? Or was it your son who said it? I think it was a bit OTT of her to text you about it, especially if it wasn't her who was actually insulted and she wasn't even there...

ziggyf · 15/10/2013 12:03

He said that to one of the mum's friends, or one of his own friends? I'd definitely tell my DS off if he said something like that to an adult! If it was to one of his own friends then I'd let it go as otherwise I'd be telling both of my DSs off all the time - we are also going through a bum/willy/bogey name-calling stage.

Calloh · 15/10/2013 12:04

Hmmm that is tricky, I didn't quite understand was she texting you about your son or her son? And did they say it to a grown-up.

Personally I think the whole poo-poo pants, bum thing is par for the course. I largely ignore it until it's starts to annoy me and then I generally just say something utterly pointless like "gently, gently". Very occasionally I laugh and then it's hell to get them to stop.

I would want them to only say it to another five year old who they knew for a fact found it funny.

Could you replying saying that you agree that it should never be said to adults (if you do) but that you think the quickest way to make it stop is to ignore it (if you do).

I don't think it's the same as motherfucker because hopefully by the time they know that word they'd know how to use it properly.

ziggyf · 15/10/2013 12:04

I'm confused. Did he say it or did his friend say it? And who did he say it to?

ICameOnTheJitney · 15/10/2013 12:05

I also think you need to tell your DS and his friend's not to say these things. Yes they're silly but other children wouldn't like to be called them and they need to learn respect for others.

Original poster
buaitisi · 15/10/2013 12:05

Ok, they never say it out of malice, not really calling each other names as such, just to the three of them and not to hurt feelings but to make each other laugh.

Never at the expense of anyone, they're all very loving and quiet with everyone else really and never swearing.

Thank you for your replies, I will put a stop to it from now on.

OP posts:
HerrenaHarridan · 15/10/2013 12:07

Where will it end? Hmm

Obviously it should be made clear to your ds that its not appropriate to address adults in this manner.

It doesn't really matter if she's getting at you or not its not like he's done any damage. Tbh you should be pleased if this is all she can raise comment about.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 15/10/2013 12:07

It's normal that they are being silly, but it's not okay (or good manners!) for them to say this stuff to adults (or kids who don't like it/find it upsetting). The other mum is right.

Original poster
buaitisi · 15/10/2013 12:07

Her son said it to one of his friends that we don't know

OP posts:
Feminine · 15/10/2013 12:08

You need to work on stopping this habit with your son.

I know the others are dong it, but you can only worry about your son.

My dd is in reception, she comes home and complains about kids in her class saying similar. I've told her those friends are behaving like babies.

None of mine have ever done it!

wonderingsoul · 15/10/2013 12:08

i get where you coming from.. mine, esp ds2 who is 4 thinks bums and etc are funny and they say stuff liek that.. when i hear it i tell them its not nice, esp if its said to an adult.

i would just have a quite word with him , dont mention what was texted to you, just that its ok to have a alugh but you dont say things like that to an adult.

though i do think your friend was being ott..if another child had said that to me i would have just said thats not nice or your being silly. but then i am laid back and things like that dont rile me u p becasue i can see its kids being kids.

DoJo · 15/10/2013 12:09

I think the previous posters have missed your question which wasn't 'Is it appropriate for my son to call adults silly names?' but 'Is this parent using this incident as an excuse to have a dig at my parenting?'. FWIW I think it sounds like she thinks that you would allow your son to call an adult names, or certainly that she's implying that she has 'allowed' what she perceived as your slack parenting to continue until this point. I would text back something along the lines of 'Thanks for letting me know - I will have a word' and just leave it at that. You don't have to justify yourself or explain anything, just keep your reply polite and to the point.

Bowlersarm · 15/10/2013 12:09

OP, as you say it's not a big deal, we've all been through it, but as the other mum isn't happy with it, and possibly other parents/children, I think you'd be correct to nip it in the bud now. Good luck, it may take a short whole and perseverance.

ICameOnTheJitney · 15/10/2013 12:10

My DD also thinks bums are hilarious...and poos....but she'd never call someone a poo head. She has a laugh at home about these things.

emsyj · 15/10/2013 12:10

I am assuming she is referring to her own child and not yours - is that right? I would read it as, "I know my DS has said this to someone else when I wasn't there, I hope he hasn't said it to you too when I wasn't around, I would be mortified - so I'm texting you to let you know that I know he's done it once (and so may do it again) and that I do know it's not ok and you can tell him off if he says it to you when I'm not around".

KatyPutTheCuttleOn · 15/10/2013 12:10

If either of my DC spoke to an adult like that then I'd be pretty mortified TBH. Your DS needs to know that it is inappropriate to speak to an adult in that way, it's one thing with their friends but to do it to an adult is not on. I'd not be that keen on it with friends either but boys will be boys and do that kind of thing at that age.

DoJo · 15/10/2013 12:11

Edit - "some of the previous posters". Slow typing again...

BumbleChum · 15/10/2013 12:11

I tell my 6yo and 4yo off when they do it. Not in a particularly heavy way, just a firm 'I don't want to hear that, thank you.' The 6yo stops but the 4yo is sometimes overexcited and carries on. Then I give him The Look and say his name very firmly. It makes him giggle, but he stops.

I think it's good for them to learn that there are boundaries to silly behaviour, and that they need to have a bit of self-control over when they do/don't do it.

Bowlersarm · 15/10/2013 12:11

Yes agree with DoJo - 'thanks for letting me know' will suffice to the other mum. No need to justify/explain/excuse.

AmberLeaf · 15/10/2013 12:11

Her son said it to one of his friends that we don't know

Her son said it and shes texting you ?

Id politely tell her to concentrate on her own child I think.

I would also nip in the bud what my child was saying too.

Original poster
buaitisi · 15/10/2013 12:12

Thank you for your replies.

I think I had some blinkers on with this, they really are good boys in general and just saw this as harmless because they were only saying it to each other trying to be funny.

I have always told my son never to call adults anything and he never has (admittedly only to my knowledge)

OP posts: