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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use this forum to ask for ideas how to thank my wonderful DH

29 replies

surgicalwidow · 15/10/2013 10:42

He has taken leave for 2 weeks from work to mind our 8mo while I have been in London doing a course (work related post grad degree). DD has been unwell with a rotten cough and has been miserable with teething. He has been trying to keep up with his own work while minding her. He has been struggling but has persevered. I have been having ball in London (although obvs missed DD and him loads)!

I'd like to do something really nice to make sure he knows how much he is appreciated - but am short of funds Haloween Sad. Would love to hear about any thank you gifts / gestures that have gone down really well Thanks

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 15/10/2013 10:59

I think just tell him I really don't see why he needs any more thanks than that - it is his child as well after all. Do you get lots of presents for looking after your baby?

UriGHOULer · 15/10/2013 11:01

He's getting his reward by spending quality time with his daughter, building that indestructible bond. Money can't buy that!

TTTatty · 15/10/2013 11:02

A simple 'Thank you' should suffice, am sure you muddle through too when dd is unwell?

ThisIsYourSong · 15/10/2013 11:03

YABU

KatoPotato · 15/10/2013 11:04

'Thank' him by coming home refreshed and happy. Not grateful, this is his child. I'd be insulted if DH ever 'thanked' me for being a parent.

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 15/10/2013 11:05

A blow job always does the trick Grin

But seriously, he has just been doing what lots of parents do. DH doesn't buy me a present or thank me when I have been up every night with poorly children and he is at work, and I don't expect him to.

CoffeeTea103 · 15/10/2013 11:05

A simple thank you will do. He is not doing you a massive favour. It's his child too. Yabu

ThePearShapedToad · 15/10/2013 11:09

How about a mini selection of all his favourite dinners, (so 8 mini courses) or a recreation of your wedding dinner?

Simply make him his favourite pie / crumble / cake and simply pipe "I love you" on the top

Get a recent photo of the two of you framed (even just a cheap clip frame from wilkinsons) that he can then put on his desk when he goes back to work

A subscription to his favourite newspaper (if only for a week?)

Maybe a scrap book of smiley memories of you, him and DD? Or even something simple like a new pair of funky coloured socks

Anything that just shows you thought of him on a cold Tuesday afternoon

Dobbiesmum · 15/10/2013 11:10

You know what? My DH shows his appreciation to me for 'muddling through' a tough week when he's not about much due to work and I do the same for him. Yes, she's his child too but what's wrong with showing you appreciate each other once in a while?
If funds are low a good film, something nice to eat and an early night (for DC's at least!) are all that's needed. Just relaxing together is always a good way to reconnect after a tough few days.

ThePearShapedToad · 15/10/2013 11:12

Gracious everyone is so grumpy! Yes parents should automatically their fair share of looking after children, but it's always nice to receive a "thank you" for doing thing a, even if it's just the OH making you a cup of tea!

Happiness and smiley ness makes the world a nicer place Smile

JerseySpud · 15/10/2013 11:13

My hubby shows appreciation by staying out of my fucking way when i go on the rampage because he does jack shit.

and i think this is totally the wrong board for this lovey dovey thanking stuff.

JerseySpud · 15/10/2013 11:14

and he is only doing what parents up and down the country are having to do everyday with no thanks

is having a bad day

Preciousbane · 15/10/2013 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Madratlady · 15/10/2013 11:15

Make him his favourite cake. It's a nice gesture but not ott.

ThePearShapedToad · 15/10/2013 11:17

Just because some parents (and I do sympathise) have to struggle by without thanks from their partners, doesn't mean we should perpetuate it by not encouraging others to show appreciation and kindness

Go for it OP, I think it's a "nice" thing to do

Dobbiesmum · 15/10/2013 11:18

There's really no need to shred the OP for wanting to do something nice...

absentmindeddooooodles · 15/10/2013 11:18

Ues he should be doing his fair share.....but if my dp went away for 2 weeks and ds was ill and wingey and not sleeping etc, I know id appreciate a nice dinner and relaxing evening or something of the sort.

I think its a nice idea, and doing little things like that for eachother will keep your relationship good :)

Definatley do a nice dinner, film, put dc to bed early and let him relax a little.

What does he like? Anything hes really into?

redskyatnight · 15/10/2013 11:25

... this forum is full of SAHMs saying they are unappreciated for just doing what parents do every day.

If this was a dad saying that he wanted to do something nice for his wife because she'd been struggling all week to look after their DD while DD was grizzly, OP would have got entirely different answers.

Amateurish · 15/10/2013 11:25

Vouchers are a good trick if you are short of funds - cook his favourite meal, take him for a night out, something saucy etc.

Sallyingforth · 15/10/2013 11:30

What a miserable lot you are! You don't know how her DH shows his gratitude to her for what she does.
I can't think of anything suitable OP but personally I would just show him how much I love him in the traditional manner :)

BeaLola · 15/10/2013 11:42

Big hug when you return, actually tell him how much you appreciate his support and all that he did whilst you were in london and give him something daft that will make him smile eg for my husband a walnut whip as he loves them and they make him smile.

Open wine, beer and get a takeaway and hug lots !

Dahlen · 15/10/2013 11:43

Ok so the DH is doing no more than many mothers do for no acknowledgement every single day. That's true. So what?

The OP is rightly showing her appreciation for her DH. They are a partnership. Receiving a thank you when you've done something necessary but difficult is one way of keeping a partnership alive and special. Mothers who put up with no acknowledgement of thanks from their DH/DPs are married to twats. I would think less of any father who doesn't regularly show his appreciation for the mother of his child way more than I think the OP is a doormat or anything. Good manners are more important in your primary relationships than they are with colleagues or strangers in the street IMO.

OP, if money is short, you could try an M&S dine-in-for-£10 meal accompanied by candles and dressing up for dinner to make it more special. A book, ebook or kindle voucher is a cheap-but-thoughtful gift, although it obviously works better if there's a title you know he's interested in.

I think a heartfelt thanks, cuddles and a good session in bed will probably do the trick though. Wink

Enjoy!

Crinkle77 · 15/10/2013 11:45

I agree with Betty. It is his child so why should be be thanked for that? I would understand if you had been on a jolly but you are doing work for your work-related degree.

Dobbiesmum · 15/10/2013 11:45

Or Palm DD off encourage her to visit grandparents or other family for the afternoon and THEN a good session in bed... Grin
A chunky Kit Kat always goes down well here too.

coldwinter · 15/10/2013 11:46

Does he show his appreciation of you looking after you DC? If yes, then do something nice. If not, think about how this shows the inequality in your relationship i.e. he looks after DC you think you should show your appreciation, you do the same, and it is taken for granted.

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