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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect action from my manager?

64 replies

howmuchwouldyoutake · 14/10/2013 21:52

I've name changed for obvious reasons. I'm having some problems at work and am after some impartial advice.

I work in a local FE college. A student in my class (male, 17 years old) was messing with his phone and had headphones in in a lesson. As soon as i noticed i asked him to turn it off. He told me to wait until he'd finished listening to a song. I asked again, stated that he knew the rules etc. He shouted 'fuck off you stupid bitch, I've told you to wait' i was shocked - had never had an issue before with him...

I asked him to leave, he refused and carried on swearing and calling me names so i called security. Security turned up along with a manager. Student told the security guards and manager to fuck off etc.

As he was escorted off he said that he was going to find me and kill me.

Manager wants to bring the student back tomorrow after a 2 day suspension with a verbal warning.

What would you expect from manager? I don't think it's an appropriate punishment.

OP posts:
ILetHimKeep20Quid · 14/10/2013 21:54

What would be appropriate?

Original poster
howmuchwouldyoutake · 14/10/2013 21:56

That's what I'm asking.

I'd like him not to come back but that's not happening.

I'd like a formal written warning and support putting in place at the very least.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 14/10/2013 21:58

I don't think that is an acceptable course of action for dealing with that offence. Can you consult your union rep? The institution has a duty of care in terms of your safety at work. I think you would be quite within your rights to report this to the police.

jacks365 · 14/10/2013 21:58

What support putting in place? The action sounds appropriate for a first offence.

ilovesooty · 14/10/2013 22:00

I think what the OP is asking for is perfectly reasonable. This student has committed a criminal offence.

Original poster
howmuchwouldyoutake · 14/10/2013 22:02

Really Jack? You're more lenient than me.

My manager has refused to go with my suggestions and says she needs to do what's right by the student.

OP posts:
Shakey1500 · 14/10/2013 22:04

Bloody hell. Honestly jacks365? (genuine question btw)

I'm amazed that this could in any way shape or form be considered acceptable that he be let back.

I'd be calling the police for threatening behaviour.

hermioneweasley · 14/10/2013 22:06

"do what's right by the student" WTAF?

I agree with reporting him to the police. And if he returned without sanctions which you regard as appropriate, I would walk out in the grounds of Heath and safety. He threatened to kill you, how much more serious does it have to be?

Also, involve your union if you have one.

MrsWolowitz · 14/10/2013 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreeWee · 14/10/2013 22:08

Threats to kill. Absolutely unacceptable at work. Any work. Involve the police. Does he actually have to do it for your manager to take action? Columbine shows kids can kill.

Original poster
howmuchwouldyoutake · 14/10/2013 22:09

I am sorely tempted to go to the police but I'm reluctant and can't really explain why... I'm embarrassed that it happened in my class i suppose :-(

My manager thinks that it was said in anger and that the student didn't mean it (which is almost certainly true)

OP posts:
puntasticusername · 14/10/2013 22:09

Jeez. Agree that his behaviour towards you was terrible, and I think you're quite within your rights to want to know what action has been taken to try and avoid a repetition of it...

You said the behaviour was out of character for him - is it possible that there are some extenuating circumstances that you're not aware of, and that your colleague doesn't want to tell you due to confidentiality considerations?

BrianTheMole · 14/10/2013 22:10

Do whats right by the student? He needs to learn to control his temper. I wouldn't want him back at all. In no way is that acceptable.

Original poster
howmuchwouldyoutake · 14/10/2013 22:13

Punt - it wasn't out of character for him, he's hadva go at other staff just never me before .

Sorry if that was dripping

He has some anger issues (nothing diagnosed, just gets angry a lot) so manager seems to think his behaviour should be accepted.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 14/10/2013 22:27

A threat to kill? That should mean total exclusion and the police being called. I work in a similar environment and that's what would happen there.

ImperialBlether · 14/10/2013 22:28

Perhaps you could say to your manager "He'd said just beforehand that he was going to kill you, too" and see how relaxed she is then!

Original poster
howmuchwouldyoutake · 14/10/2013 22:29

We never get any backing Imperial...

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 14/10/2013 22:30

No way should his behaviour just be accepted because he has done it before. Evenmore reason to not accept it imo!!

gordyslovesheep · 14/10/2013 22:31

totally disagree with your manager - what he did is totally unacceptable and allowing him to stay undermines you and tells other students it's okay to behave that way

he's not of compulsory school age - I'd expect him to be kicked out - at the VERY LEAST I'd expect a suspension, phased return, meeting with you, your manager, senior management, his parents - an apology and a written agreement on future conduct - oh and the understanding that he will be shown the door if he ever does it again

Original poster
howmuchwouldyoutake · 14/10/2013 22:32

Like i said - student gave the manager a load of verbal too - 'fuck off you fat cow' etc. She just stood and took it. The manager thinks I'm too strict.

OP posts:
puntasticusername · 14/10/2013 22:33

Ah, ok. That's a little different, then. And if he's behaved the same way with other staff before, but not you, that rather points towards an escalation in the behaviour rather than the hoped-for improvement...doesn't it?

Need to consider the impact on other students, as well, when they see him effectively getting away with what he said to you.

Overall something about it, and your manager's reaction, just doesn't quite add up for me for some reason. I don't know why - and I'm certainly not saying you are being insincere or anything. I will continue to hope that there might turn out to be more to the story and in the meantime, continue to agree that you are right to press for more effective support on the issue.

gordyslovesheep · 14/10/2013 22:33

talk to your union - what is the behaviour policy - what does your managers manager think?

You have options to take this further

whois · 14/10/2013 22:35

At 17 surely he is there off his own free will? He's not 12 and in mandatory schooling.

He should know how to behave by now.

I would be inclined to perm exclude him, but then I'm not the head of a collage.

Your manager needs to implement a much more serious punishment though.

puntasticusername · 14/10/2013 22:37

Ah, I see I was right, there IS more to the story. Your manager sounds like a bit of a pushover...

ImperialBlether · 14/10/2013 22:38

The college can get rid of him this week and not lose anything financially. If you wait until next week, there are repercussions. Your manager sounds like a lunatic, to be honest. She thinks you're too strict on students? Is she seriously expecting you to get this boy through his exams?

Are you in the union? You need to act quickly here.