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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be offended that a friend is selling my Christmas gift on Facebook?

57 replies

leelteloo · 14/10/2013 19:53

This is not a best friend but still someone i consider a friend & I buy Christmas presents for her children. We don't have much money for presents, so the gifts are simple but thoughtful. I just saw last years Christmas gift for sale on her fb. I feel upset: Aibu?

OP posts:

Original poster

leelteloo · 14/10/2013 20:44

She is not broke and I'm not offended she has sold it (she got £1) it's the fact she did it in my face.

OP posts:

NicknameIncomplete · 14/10/2013 20:48

Does she remember that u bought it?

BeCool · 14/10/2013 20:51

This issue goes to the heart of giving and receiving gifts.

When you give a gift are you giving also a burden that the receiver must keep the gift forever? Or for a certain period of time? How long?

Is it really in the spirit of giving to give a burden/obligation to another person?

If not then it is their's to do what they want with? It was given after all.

Maybe they have 2. If she is selling it as new her DC probably hasn't played with it. As heartfelt your gift might have been when you gave it, it was essentially unwanted. This is part of the reality of giving gifts. Sorry if that makes you feel bad - I'm sure your friends isn't trying to make you feel bad - as others said she might be skint. Or she might be trying to release her family of the burden of all the stuff they have.

We have limited space in our homes, and we are surrounded by the 'normality' of giving stuff to other people. It seems much of our society is fuelled by their. Much of these gifts, I would argue and ever increasing percentage of it, is unwanted.

I've dissuaded my friends and family from giving me gifts for years, and usually they ask what the DC might want or need. Half of MN will now pile in and tell me how rude and ungrateful I am, and I don't care.

I don't have room for the stuff we have - incoming stuff is a problem.

I try to give experiences, or time, or consumable gifts from homemade biscuits and sweets to iTunes vouchers. Things that can be used and remembered and shared. Things that don't take up physical space.

It can be a challenge but unless I know someone specifically wants or needs something then I don't give it. I consider much gift giving as junk circulation.

BeCool · 14/10/2013 20:56

leeto was she selling just this one item? i.e. do you think she was trying somehow to hurt you? to be outright nasty? to get at you?

Or was she selling lots of stuff? And it's just one other item that she is moving on? In which case, please don't take it personally or over think it. She's simply having a clear out or raising some ££. Don't place a burden on your gift.

BillyBanter · 14/10/2013 21:00

I would think 'oh well, guess that didn't hit the spot. you win some you lose some'.

Original poster

leelteloo · 14/10/2013 21:00

You are right becool, I did say up thread I think I was probably being a bit over sensitive. I am very hormonal and i came on here to see if my response was over the top. It was.

OP posts:

kelda · 14/10/2013 21:02

I wonder if it's a duplicate. Maybe she has kept our present and is selling a new one that they have recieved.

If you are skint, then I wouldn't give these children a Christmas present.

selsigfach · 14/10/2013 21:54

I think you're being a little over-sensitive, op. Maybe see this as a good opportunity to cull your list of gift recipients. I don't have a problem with terrifying in general, was a bit put out though when my best friend gave me for Christmas the present I'd given her for her birthday the year before!

BeCool · 14/10/2013 22:13

Ah lee You'll feel
Much better in the morning.

selsigfach · 14/10/2013 22:23

Terrifying = regifting!

Thisismyfirsttime · 14/10/2013 22:27

I'd have said I wanted to buy it just to wind her up.

Donkeyok · 14/10/2013 22:27

My brother re gifted the cheese knives and board back to me last Christmas. He totally forgot we gave it to him. I enjoy teasing him about it. What I neglected to tell him was that my aunt gave it to me in the first place. Using face book was in your face and there for a bit insensitive. Don't give them a present this year. {scrooge}

BeCool · 15/10/2013 10:09

My brother re gifted the cheese knives and board back to me last Christmas.

This is so why we should all think about making the world a much better place and stop giving gifts for the sake of gifts!!

Madratlady · 15/10/2013 10:17

YABU - if you not longer use something or don't want it then you can't keep it forever. And you don't know their financial situation necessarily, on paper me and dh aren't hard up but due to certain circumstances we've had a very rough year and have sold a lot of things to make a few £ where we can.

It would have been polite of her to have a word with you first though and let you know that she intended to sell it on.

Nanny0gg · 15/10/2013 11:18

Is there no care for others' feelings any more? I know you don't hang on to Great Aunt Vera's hideous vase for years in case she visits, any more. But this was unnecessarily thoughtless.'

RafflesWay · 15/10/2013 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CuntyBunty · 15/10/2013 11:55

Your friend is fucking rude. Drop her.

And no, I don't care if she is skint or not. Money, or lack of it has nothing to do with having good manners.

YellowCanary1 · 15/10/2013 11:59

I completely agree Nanny, are we so merciless and materialistic that a gift is just about financial worth and need, and we forget about the social side of things. The emotional relationship that OP has with her friend and her DCs is surely worth more than £1! To be so blatant about a rejection of a thoughtful gift is down right rude. Even is she did not want it anymore it would not cost a thing to quietly mention this to OP first and say for example, they've had so much fun with this/got this out it etc but now outgrown or something.

OP This year I would just give your time if you can afford it. It is worth so much more and cannot be sold on, the children shouldn't suffer because their mother is inconsiderate.

piratecat · 15/10/2013 12:02

nope, just rude. I wouldn't sell something a friend had given me openly on Facebook, I'd give it to charity if no longer needed/necessary/grown out of or not worn.

a quid?? what was it

Coupon · 15/10/2013 13:27

Well said Nanny

specialsubject · 15/10/2013 13:34

a gift has no conditions. She's being a bit thoughtless but no more.

this is why the retailmas thing needs to be stopped. Too many people exchanging expensive clutter.

moondog · 15/10/2013 13:36

Love the cheeseboard story!
Who will it go to next?

BeCool · 15/10/2013 16:02

it would not cost a thing to quietly mention this to OP first and say for example, they've had so much fun with this/got this out it etc but now outgrown or something.

You see, personally I prefer friendships founded on honesty than lies. You might dress it up as 'politeness' but you do seem to be suggesting that if the friend genuinely cared about the OP, then she would go through this dance of 'politeness' and lies. which is ridiculous.

Stop putting so much importance on what is just stuff.

and if the gift was given last Xmas we are 10 months on from the gift being given!! It's no big deal. Yes possibly a little thoughtless to list on FB where the OP can see (I just give stuff to charity shops as I can't be arced with the selling for a quid process), but as it was part of a bunch of stuff the friends was cleaning it's not a big deal.

We know nothing else about they friendship, but someone here has suggested that the OP drop this friend for moving on an unwanted/unneeded/or grown out of gift? Really??

Ragwort · 15/10/2013 16:08

I agree that it is rude and unkind to sell something on FB, particularly if you are friends with someone on FB.

I sometimes receive gifts I don't want, (or I don't want my DS to have ), I would give them to a charity shop or school raffle - something like that. I wouldn't dream of selling them. In fact I have been known to take things to my mother's local charity shops (she lives 200 miles away) to save the embarrassment of someone seeing them.

It's not the fact that the present is being 'moved on', but the blatant selling it on FB that is so ungracious.

Yet another reason why I couldn't be bothered to use FB .

But really, the point of this is that so many of us buy and receive far too many presents, just say to your friend 'best that we stop exchanging gifts this year, it's all got a bit expensive'.

BetsyBell · 15/10/2013 16:24

I find it really hard to keep track of who gave what to my DCs. Unless it was something very unusual I'd be unlikely to remember 10 months later.

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