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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my bridesmaid to get a cut & colour 2 1/2 hours before my wedding?

141 replies

Famzilla · 14/10/2013 19:33

Getting married on Friday, low key registry office do with lunch & a boozy evening afterwards. Only 5 people attending the ceremony including DP and I.

My bridesmaid is my dear best friend, (let's call her Kerry) she is the kindest person you could ever wish to meet. She has done so much for me and I love her. However, she's a bit of an airhead bless her.

She was supposed to get a cut & colour on Saturday but our other friend the hairdresser cancelled. Our friend the hairdresser (let's call her Ann) said don't worry, I'll do it when I come round to do Famzillas hair on Friday morning. Kerry says that's fine.

I have a 6mo Velcro baby, who Kerry obviously knows and knows how un-putdownable she is. I was relying on Kerry to give me a hand with DD whilst I did my own make up and Ann put my hair up. But obviously now Kerry needs Ann to give her a cut & colour when she comes at 9.

She has it all planned out in her head and it sounds doable if DD didn't exist. But she does so I feel like I will be literally holding the baby for the entire morning desperately waiting for her to hurry up. We have to leave at 11.20 and as well as doing my own make up, getting my hair done and getting into dress etc.. DD will need her breakfast, a BF, a bath and then getting into her own outfit.

I would never let DD CIO. I am so stressed, this was supposed to be low key and easy but now I feel like a massive bridezilla. I keep saying I don't think it's gonna work and she keeps reassuring me that it'll be fine.

Am I being a bridezilla?

OP posts:
Original poster
Famzilla · 16/10/2013 18:43

Your insistence on making me out to be the wicked tyrant ruining my poor wittle friends life is getting kinda weird now Biscuit

OP posts:
TheGhostofAmandaClarke · 16/10/2013 18:53

All op has asked is if she is bu to not want her bm to have her hair cut and coloured on the morning of her (OP's in case that wasn't clear) wedding.
Well of course she's not bu. it's a crazy notion.
Giles your comments are unkind and uncalled for.
Sshhhh.

JulieAnderton · 16/10/2013 18:57

Whoa, some really harsh replies here.

OP, you are not being unreasonable. Even if there wasn't a 6 month old to consider, it's not particularly thoughtful for a bridesmaid think its sensible for her to get her hair cold in your house hours before the ceremony.

Sympathies for having a high needs baby. It must be very stressful.

JulieAnderton · 16/10/2013 18:58

*coloured

kali110 · 16/10/2013 19:03

Even though i can see both sides i hope you Have a lovely day fri op.

Whichever poster who said about the dye around hairlines, a good hairdresser shouldnt leave any.
If your diy then when washing the dye off rub your hairline as colour removes colour.

Davsmum · 16/10/2013 19:13

I told the poster who insinuated I had made my baby the way she is to fuck off, yes. When I get accused of damaging my child by a stranger who knows nothing of the struggle I have had it will probably give me the rage. Good for you if you can smile and nod when your parenting is under scrutiny.
-----------------

NO ONE said you have damaged your child!! If you go around changing what people say then its no wonder you get criticised! Exaggeration and drama instead of sticking to the facts!

What is it about some mothers that they just cannot take any suggestion that THEY may be responsible for a situation?

As for the other poster who says she also had a 'velcro child' and now that child is a confident 3 year old - No one suggested she wouldn't or couldn't be. The comments were aimed at the problems the OP is facing NOW!

The main problem here seems to be the OP has a child who HAS to be held constantly and yet the BM was getting the blame.
Well,.. TBH I doubt the child does have to be held all the time. The OP just does not know how to deal with the situation but would prefer to announce there IS no solution. If she can't do it - it cannot be done.

OP has been extremely unpleasant.

chimchiminee · 16/10/2013 19:16

YANBU and I thought your response to the poster suggesting you created your DD's clingyness was positively restrained :o.

Enjoy your day!

TheGhostofAmandaClarke · 16/10/2013 19:21

What Chimchiminee said.

Original poster
Famzilla · 16/10/2013 19:23

Davsmum. Go and hang out with a paediatrician for the day, get them to show you a baby with reflux.

Now imagine being the mother to that baby as you desperately try to feed and it shrieks in terror at the sight of your boob or a bottle because all they know is eating=pain.

Then hold them as they scream in pain for what seems like an eternity afterwards. They need to be held upright because when they're laid down it makes the reflux worse. You can try and put her down to open a bottle of wine make a cup of tea but then you have to listen to her frightened desperate little screams and clean up all the vomit. Then you have to feed her again, good luck with that.

Walk a mile in someone shoes before you think you can do so much better than them.

OP posts:
TheGhostofAmandaClarke · 16/10/2013 19:27

No. The BM was not getting the blame.
FFS. Outrageous post Davsum. Really mean spirited.

JulieAnderton · 16/10/2013 20:04

Famzilla did not create the situation with her baby. Some babies are happy to be put down in a bouncy chair, others are not. My friend had a "high needs" baby. He cried/whined pretty much constantly from birth untilhe was about a year. Only slightly less so when being held or or in the same room as his mother. Bloody exhausting and nothing my friend had created. In fact it is darn right insulting if people looking on thought that she hadn't tried every solution under the sun to help her DS.

HandragsAndGladbags · 16/10/2013 20:06

"The main problem here seems to be the OP has a child who HAS to be held constantly and yet the BM was getting the blame."

No, the main problem originally was an idiot BM who thought dying her hair in a brides house hours before the wedding was a good idea.

Now the main problem seems to be people trying to give the OP a kicking for not welcoming the ridiculous situation above with open arms.

JulieAnderton · 16/10/2013 20:07

Have some Flowers Famzilla - wishing you a brilliant and stress-free wedding day.

Carriemac · 16/10/2013 21:31

have an amazing day! yANBU at all
BM is thoughtless and you sound lovely

LongTailedTit · 16/10/2013 23:18

Glad everything got resolved OP, have a lovely day on Friday! Thanks

Fingers crossed your DDs reflux eases soon, DS was v v similar, it does get better, and eventually stops. I don't blame you for replying as you did to those that don't understand, I was shouting "Fuck off!" in my head as I read their posts too! Grin

Chandra · 17/10/2013 00:07

I think she is neing unreasonable, but what about your soon to be DH? Can he entertain the baby for a couple of hours? Men do need to spend souch time in getting dressed or do make up.

Chandra · 17/10/2013 00:08

Oops ctossposted

Thisghosttrainisreversing · 17/10/2013 00:10

I was stressed out on the morning of my wedding.

I was doing my own make-up so after going to the hairdressers I had to rush home get myself and my 14month old ready while my mum, bridesmaid and bridesmaid's mum stood around chatting. When I tried to do my make-up in my only big mirror my bridesmaid kept hogging it to do hers!

I was really pissed off that my bridesmaid didn't help me enjoy my day so I totally get your annoyance op.

randomAXEofkindness · 17/10/2013 07:54

Giles & davsmum - My immediate thoughts are that you're talking so much shite that it must be a wind up. But I can't be bothered to look at your history so I'll just hope you're trolls and not regulars.

You were not being unreasonable OP.

First of all, you sound like a thoroughly decent mum, and if Gina Ford up there agreed with you, you'd be in BIG trouble! So don't sweat it.

I do wedding hair sometimes. On the last job I did, the bride had her 5 month old with her while she was getting ready. Her mum, a bridesmaid, and a couple of other relatives were in the suite for a good portion of the time. They talked to the baby now and again (he was remarkably relaxed in the floor anyway) but when he did start to fuss and needed a nap - just as the bride was going to start her makeup - everybody just looked the other way. I was doing somebody else's hair at the time so I called out "It would probably be a good idea if somebody took him for a little walk in his pram to send him off wouldn't it?" then glared a bit at each one of them in turn Wink. When DH asked me how it went afterwards, my response was "Her hair was ace, her mates were rubbish". I'm always amazed at how obviously passive aggressive people are to the people they are supposed to care about. I see it all the time - I can't believe the stuff some people come out with sometimes, I wouldn't treat someone I hated half as badly as some best friends and mothers treat their 'loved-ones' on special occasions. I'm not saying your friend was being pa though - she does just sound a bit clueless. YOUR wedding day is YOUR special day, not your bm's. I wouldn't even need to know you, if I was just present on your wedding day I would hold your baby for you - it isn't a difficult concept, it's called 'not being a shit-head'! Grin

Have a lovely wedding day OP!

Davsmum · 17/10/2013 08:41

Go and hang out with a paediatrician for the day, get them to show you a baby with reflux.
---------------

I don't have to - I had a baby with reflux. I also have a niece with reflux.

Callaird · 17/10/2013 09:28

This is the OP's wedding day, it's supposed to be a fun morning getting ready with her bridesmaid, laughing, chatting and a glass of bubbly.

Would you really want your 6 month old sat in a room where a hair dresser is using peroxide or some nasty smelling hair dye?! Or should the bride be in a different room with her daughter? The BM might as well get ready elsewhere if that was the case, it would save OP the mess of dye and hair in her house!

Lot's of babies are high needs, I'm a nanny and have looked after 23 children, they are not always laid back easy babies. It's no-ones fault, it is just the temperament of each individual child! Who wants their child to be the same as everyone else's?

I'm glad it's sorted OP and I hope you have a wonderful stress free day tomorrow.

Good luck and congratulations.

Mojavewonderer · 17/10/2013 10:10

Should have eloped! Would have saved all this hassle.
Hope your wedding turns out ok and you have a fan day.

Original poster
Famzilla · 17/10/2013 13:20

Sure you do Wink

Thanks for all the good luck messages! Have spent the morning blitzing the house, pretending it's because I don't want BM thinking I'm a slattern (we lived together, she knows I'm a filthy caah). Really if I sit down I think I will explode in a ball of nervous energy. If Sussex gets blown of the map tonight, you'll know why.

Hope DD settles nice and early so I can have a bottle glass of wine and a stealthy fag bar of chocolate.

(Disclaimer: I haven't smoked in years, but I think I deserve one)

OP posts:
TheGhostofAmandaClarke · 18/10/2013 06:07
Thanks Have a great day Famzilla
TheGhostofAmandaClarke · 18/10/2013 06:08

Oh, and put that fag down.
You deserve not to have one.