To not want my bridesmaid to get a cut & colour 2 1/2 hours before my wedding?

[Famzilla]

Getting married on Friday, low key registry office do with lunch & a boozy evening afterwards. Only 5 people attending the ceremony including DP and I.

My bridesmaid is my dear best friend, (let's call her Kerry) she is the kindest person you could ever wish to meet. She has done so much for me and I love her. However, she's a bit of an airhead bless her.

She was supposed to get a cut & colour on Saturday but our other friend the hairdresser cancelled. Our friend the hairdresser (let's call her Ann) said don't worry, I'll do it when I come round to do Famzillas hair on Friday morning. Kerry says that's fine.

I have a 6mo Velcro baby, who Kerry obviously knows and knows how un-putdownable she is. I was relying on Kerry to give me a hand with DD whilst I did my own make up and Ann put my hair up. But obviously now Kerry needs Ann to give her a cut & colour when she comes at 9.

She has it all planned out in her head and it sounds doable if DD didn't exist. But she does so I feel like I will be literally holding the baby for the entire morning desperately waiting for her to hurry up. We have to leave at 11.20 and as well as doing my own make up, getting my hair done and getting into dress etc.. DD will need her breakfast, a BF, a bath and then getting into her own outfit.

I would never let DD CIO. I am so stressed, this was supposed to be low key and easy but now I feel like a massive bridezilla. I keep saying I don't think it's gonna work and she keeps reassuring me that it'll be fine.

Am I being a bridezilla?

YANBU. I had a velcro baby, those who say you created that situation simply have no idea. As you say, lucky them! From what I can see you are going out of your way to resolve the situation, and even if your baby wasn't there in the morning, it's not unreasonable to want to spend time with your bridesmaid getting ready together.

I hope you have a terrific day and I hope that your friend manages to get her hair done the day after work as you've suggested. Best of luck

YANBU!
I'm puzzled that your friend hasn't thought of going to another hairdresser. Is there only one hairdresser in the village?
Ignore negative posters with their Gina Ford cocking shit attitudes. Have a lovely day.

I'm sorry I just feel sorry for the BM. She's supposed to psychically know things when she doesn't have her own kids and wouldn't naturally think of these things, and accepted an offer from SOMEONE else which seemed to make sense and probably thought it would be fun to do it together, or tht it saves putting the friend out by making her come out twice. Not to mention the money she might save as it's a friend doing the hair.

She probably has no idea that her friends moaning about her behind her back and calling her an airhead.

It's not psychic when we've been discussing it for weeks.

I'm not saying anything on here I haven't said to her face. She knows I think she's a scatterbrain. It's a running joke that she only understands things that involve kittens and rainbows. I haven't been horrible to her at any point, haven't stamped my feet or shouted.

This girl also does her hair frequently, and has done for years.

So all your reasoning for pitying a poor bridesmaid, for being asked to hold a baby she knows and loves for 45 minutes on her best friends wedding day are frankly invalid because they're not true.

Not that it matters, because she is getting her hair done tomorrow. She even apologised and said it was a daft idea anyways and just went along with it without thinking. I then told her that on her wedding day I have a roast dinner with copious amounts of gravy planned for an hour before the ceremony. We can eat it in the car. She laughed, it's all good.

Thanks to everyone else who offered help and ideas, and who didn't make me out to be a baby destroying self obsessed control freak bridezilla.

Now I can finally get nervous about saying the wrong things, being sicked on at the door and my dress ripping instead of stuff that should never have happened in the first place.

Then why the need for the thread?? All you had to do was ask her. If you hadn't had doubts that you were being at least a bit unreasonable and she knows she's an "airhead" and it's an in joke then there was no need for any of this.

I'm not saying holding a baby is a big ask, I'm just trying to point out that to someone who's childless and to most of us who work and have stuff of our own to remember and ergo might forget the odd thing someone else told them, they might well just not have thought. I mean sure, before and after kids I woulda realised that things perhaps would have been arranged around nap times/feed times etc. But it wouldn't have occurred to me that things would have been arranged around not putting a baby down ever.

So yeah I so feel she's got a bit of a bad press for something that wasn't intentioned in anyway to upset or stress out anyone.

Does it matter if she got a bad press on an Internet forum she will never go on when there is no identifying information about her? Really?

I didn't realise the thread police were about, stopping people from canvassing opinions before they said something incase a random unnamed and non-identifiable person somewhere in this planet of 6 billion people may be thought negatively of. Jesus wept.

Giles- the OP had already raised it with the bridesmaid:

"I keep saying I don't think it's gonna work and she keeps reassuring me that it'll be fine."

And why shouldn't the OP post for reassurance? She wanted to get some perspective that wasn't coloured by her own wedding stress. It's not down to you to decide whether or not people have a right to post here.

And I wouldn't feel too sorry for the bridesmaid - I might not have known a lot about children before I had them but I think I could have worked out that spending the morning at someone's house getting my own hair coloured while they got ready for their wedding probably wasn't the most sensible or sensitive decision - small child or not!

I came on to say that I thought yanbu & your bm needed to wind your neck in. But you've come across as an absolute knob on this thread so I shan't. As that other poster says, why did you start the thread if you were so sure you were unassailably right that you were going to be rude to posters you suggested potential reasons why ymbu?

She wanted to get some perspective that wasn't coloured by her own wedding stress.
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No - She wanted everyone to agree with her. That has become obvious from her rants whenever anyone has not agreed with her.

I was thinking the exact same thing davsmum

Nice as pie to those who agree then drip feeding more reasons why she Is right when someone points out that they disagree.

By the way - That's a horrible phrase - 'Velcro baby'

Perhaps in some cases it may be 'Velcro Mum' ( perish the thought!!!)

I'm very glad you have sorted out the problem and I hope you have a wonderful day.

I have been bridesmaid 3 times over the last 10 months. I was 22 wks pregnant the 1st time and had a 4/5mo dd the last twice. Each time I did my best to be as helpful as possible to the bride, including hand holding, garter adjusting and baby sitting) and put my own getting ready second (despite dd being at the last 2 weddings and being an ebf bottle refuser).

Your friend sounds lovely and I'm glad she's realised what a daft idea it was.

Ignore the people who had said unkind things. She's your baby and it's your wedding day.

There are some unpleasant posts on this thread criticising the OP's parenting and making some hurtful personal remarks.
YANBU. Either in wanting your bm to not have a hair colouring appt on the morning of your wedding or in posting about it.
I wonder if you'd have received more sympathy if, instead of an ex model, you had told us you were an overweight introvert .
Anyway, have a great day on Friday.
It's great that your friend has rescheduled the appointment.just remember not to post here about expecting anyone to remember or recognise either your anniversary or your birthday.

Oh I'm an overweight introvert these days anyways. Too busy giving my baby an insecure attachment to me so I can never go back to the gym

You've had some horrible replies famzilla! I'm glad you got it sorted, your friend sounds great really.

If it helps, my dd was a total Velcro baby, and I also got accused of making her that way. Well, she's 3.5 now and a confident, independent girl who marches into school nursery every day without a backward glance. Oh, and my dd2, who I parented in EXACTLY the same way, is completely unclingy. Totally different child.

Good luck with your wedding, and rest assured you're doing a great job, and your dd won't always be this tricky.

ghost

I've tried to word my post so as not you come across as harsh or agressive (apologies if that's how it came across though) and merely explain what parts I feel were unreasonable and that I think the BM got a bit if a raw deal in the posts. The op however had ranted and told people to F off while posters all supposedly agree that this woman should be ready to jump whenever op says. So she didn't think things through, we have all done that but for heavens sake there are going to Be THREE adults in the house, plus there's the CM she mentioned she text and of course the Fiancé and yet neither of them can deal with ONE six month old baby between them.

Anyway it's all worked out fine now BM saw the error in her apparently unreasonable thoughtless ways and it's all sorted. I still feel sorry for the BM though as her friend has a very nasty attitude when things don't go her way.

Nah, saying you feel sorry for my best friend because I'm nasty when I don't get my own way isn't harsh or aggressive .

I told the poster who insinuated I had made my baby the way she is to fuck off, yes. When I get accused of damaging my child by a stranger who knows nothing of the struggle I have had it will probably give me the rage. Good for you if you can smile and nod when your parenting is under scrutiny.

There's a huge difference between having you hair cut and dyed and having it styled for the day. The first is a time consuming pre day chore, the latter is an exciting part of the big day.

YANBU and are receiving a very unnecessary and unjust roasting. Have a fab day.

There you go again, your posts to anyone who disagrees oozes hostility.

This is a women you profess to love and care about and yet your posts portray such a low opinion of her.

Those ongoing jokes aren't funny, I'd be surprised if on some level despite laughing that she would find it all a bit hurtful.

"I've tried to word my post so as not [to] come across as harsh or aggressive" sadly, you appear to have failed in this respect Gileswithachainsaw it's her wedding day. And she's stressed. And she just doesn't need her bm having a couple of hours' worth of hair doing done on the morning of her wedding.

I don't get the impression that OP has a low opinion of her friend fwiw.

You don't know me, or her.

Stop projecting your own personal taste onto complete strangers. She's not crying herself to sleep because I think she's dappy, and I'm not crying myself to sleep because of all the little things she takes the piss out of me for.

We're best friends, we argue, take the piss, and ask too much of each other. It may not be your cup of tea but that doesn't really matter does it? It works for us.

Now please stop going on.

No I don't know you. Perhaps that's just as well. I'd hate to turn up on an AIBU thread if I accidentally pissed you off.

Oh wait.........

Still, I would never ever ever start a thread even amongst strangers about my best friend who's only crime is to not be as sharp as other people. She can't help that, not everyone's born with the ability to be quick thinking or make the best decisions all the time.

Christ on a bike!

How can anyone think it is reasonable to turn up at a brides house 3 hours before a wedding ceremony and have a cut and colour in said bride's house?! How?!! Of course it is unreasonable! She has had weeks to sort herself out, even if you take the baby out of it, it is ridiculously unreasonable.

Your friend is a drip to even suggest it.