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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you are invited for lunch

26 replies

VinegarDrinker · 14/10/2013 18:20

And you happen to have another engagement locally that same evening, you would ask/tell your hosts that and ask if you could stay round til the evening, or maybe arrive later, rather than just hanging round like a bad smell all afternoon, when clearly that was your plan all along...?

Ps you only live 15 mins drive away, the other engagement is 5 mins walk away

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 14/10/2013 18:23

Unless it was a really good mate or family member, where I'd normally hang around for hours at a time, I would drive home and then back again. And even for mates/family, I would check it's OK with them first.

Have you had to unexpectedly entertain someone for a prolonged period?

Original poster
VinegarDrinker · 14/10/2013 18:26

Oh yes (she says, smiling through gritted teeth).

Does a MiL count as family?

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSeaFromHere · 14/10/2013 18:28

Some people are just rude. I think I would have been 'going out' after lunch.

Original poster
VinegarDrinker · 14/10/2013 18:31

Oh, I will be next time!

OP posts:
Threalamandaclarke · 14/10/2013 18:33

If it was family it wouldn't bother me in the least.

Justforlaughs · 14/10/2013 18:33

I think I would going out *before" lunch! Wink

Greensleeves · 14/10/2013 18:38

usually if I invite someone for lunch, I want them to hang around for the afternoon and wouldn't equate their presence to "a bad smell" Confused

and if I am invited to lunch I don't feel obliged to vacate the premises after we've finished eating

Original poster
VinegarDrinker · 14/10/2013 18:39

Oh if it was a friend I would positively encourage them to stay.

Her son is at work, btw.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 14/10/2013 18:58

She probably thinks that you like her.

Doobiedoobedoobie · 14/10/2013 19:02

Threads like this make me so glad I have DDs Sad

Your poor MIL! Why did you invite her for lunch?

Original poster
VinegarDrinker · 14/10/2013 19:04

DH was here at lunchtime then went to work. I assumed she'd leave when he did. Don't worry, I was polite to her.

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 14/10/2013 19:06

Poop MIL she mustn't realise how much you dislike having her around. My DH would be devastated if I thought so little of his mum, or if he thought so little of mine Sad

Doobiedoobedoobie · 14/10/2013 19:07

Ah okay. Could you not have said you were off out? Or do you not feel comfortable me enough around her just to potter around as usual/ put the tv on and veg etc?

People's families are so different! If it was my family I'd just carry on as normal, it wouldn't be an issue at all Confused

aderynlas · 14/10/2013 19:09

Maybe she was enjoying spending time with you op and thought that she was welcome.

Original poster
VinegarDrinker · 14/10/2013 19:15

I'm obviously a very convincing actress!.

Probably drip feeding but she does this kind of thing 2-3 x a week. She "drops in while passing" (we get told, not asked) then just never leaves.

OP posts:
TigOldBitties · 14/10/2013 19:16

YABU, greensleeves is right.

Poor woman, probably thinks you like her.

At least I have one DD, so only the 4 future DILs will hate me Hmm

Original poster
VinegarDrinker · 14/10/2013 19:20

You don't need to feel sorry for her. Being a mother to a son doesn't automatically make you immune to other character flaws. She has plenty of friends and a partner, she doesn't need me to be her mate too.

OP posts:
travailtotravel · 14/10/2013 19:24

The only way to manage my parents is to be very specific about times otherwise they well outstay their welcome.

MissMarplesBloomers · 14/10/2013 19:25

Maybe you could get in the habit of saying

"oh yes of COURSE you can stay for a quick lunch

but then I /We're off out at

as we HAVE to do/see "

Grin

Or would she want to come too?

Doobiedoobedoobie · 14/10/2013 19:25

But it makes me so sad to think there nay be a time in the future when I visit my DD and feel I have to leave at a prescribed time. You know what it is? I just don't understand it, family aren't guests, they're just family! They can help themselves to tea, food from the fridge, flick the tv in, curl up on the sofa/ whatever. They don't need me to wait on them! I hope my relationship with my children and their families is like that rather than what you have.

Original poster
VinegarDrinker · 14/10/2013 19:29

That's the relationship I have with my family doobie and it's great. MiL, otoh, just constantly demands attention if she's here. So I end up hiding in the kitchen or deliberately taking aaaaaages to change the baby etc. When DH is here it's fine but when it's just me, and she's here for nearly seven hours, well, my patience runs a tad thin....

OP posts:
Original poster
VinegarDrinker · 14/10/2013 19:37

Oh yes, MissMarples she'd just invite herself along too.

OP posts:
DoJo · 14/10/2013 19:43

I don't understand why people post that they're glad they have daughters - don't they realise that you can be a mother in law to a son who might not like you as well? I may stroll over to Dadsnet and see if there are lots of threads about the same topic...

mineofuselessinformation · 14/10/2013 19:56

You obviously need a few appointments to get your piles looked at / for a smear test / at the dentist.....

AmberLeaf · 14/10/2013 19:57

This does seem to be an issue that is more of a female 'thing' DoJo.

There seems to be a power struggle issue with wives and MILs that you just don't tend to see with husbands and father in laws.