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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want more than an "It's ok"?

49 replies

moominleigh94 · 14/10/2013 17:05

Little bit of context - I'm 2nd year at university, studying a theatre degree. Also 12 weeks pregnant unexpectedly.

On my course I'm known as the organised one - god knows why, because my room is a state, but I'm the one who keeps track of different groups. I've won a couple of awards for creative writing, so I'm also known as the writer.

One of our modules involves performing to new Year 7 children in schools, about the changes they'll face going to university. This is alongside four other modules, all with heavy workload, and a big Christmas production in which I've just been given a main part.

We needed a script writing, and rather than suggest we do it as a collaborative effort, one of my friends - who knows full well that I'm pregnant and stressed - suggested me, and everyone said "Yeah, moomin will do it", and I wasn't really given a chance to say no. I was flattered that they'd asked, but at the same time, a little bit Hmm that a fair few people in the class know I'm pregnant and know I'm weighed down with appointments and extra stress, but still asked me to write out a full script.

Fast forward a week and I've written a script, not my best work but for a performance to Year 7s, I'd say it's fairly good. Posted it on my course's page to see what people think, and almost instantly I've got a reply saying "It's ok. Bit short. You could've put more effort into it".

AIBU for being a bit Angry about this? It's short because it's an introduction; it's supposed to be short because that's what the lecturer asked for! And fair enough, it's nothing special so saying "It's ok" is fine, but saying I could've put more effort into it? I've also had to organise groups for an assessment on Thursday because no-one else would do it, along with everything else involved in the course and trying to contact the council and people that we need advice from regarding the pregnancy. Fair enough this person doesn't know about me being pg, but they're still well aware of the stress this course puts on people without being asked to do all this extra stuff on top!

A 'thanks' wouldn't have gone amiss, if you know what I mean.

I know I am BU and overreacting because I'm so hormonal damnit so please please don't shout at me, but I just want someone to back me up and reassure me that I'm not irrational in thinking that this person is a rude twat Sad I'm a little bit fumming, to tell you the truth Sad

OP posts:
CharlieAlphaKiloEcho · 14/10/2013 17:08

Reply " Oh great thanks for reading it rudebastard. Shall I email you a copy or can you edit from this one?"

Original poster
moominleigh94 · 14/10/2013 17:17

I've just written his death into the script. Maybe I should send it to him and see if that's any better?

OP posts:
complexnumber · 14/10/2013 17:20

I'm 2nd year at university, studying a theatre degree.

How vocational!

Also 12 weeks pregnant unexpectedly.

How inconvenient!

Hope you manage to sort things out.

Original poster
moominleigh94 · 14/10/2013 17:21

complex

Very vocational (not that it's going to get me a job anywhere Hmm )

OP posts:
FeministPixie · 14/10/2013 17:26

Wow. What a ungrateful bunch of sods.

Are most of them childfree?

I am sans kids, and have absolutely no idea what is involved in the whole having a baby and health checks and such, so I am guessing that none of your classmates have a clue either. Maybe point that out to them?

Original poster
moominleigh94 · 14/10/2013 17:30

Until Friday they don't know I'm pregnant (well, a few of them including this guy who was rude don't, most of my friends do now but it didn't stop them volunteering me). I'd feel bad if I did point it out... it's my own fault I'm pregnant, it'd be wrong of me to complain.

As for this guy, I think even without being pregnant I'd be a little annoyed at his comment (hormones are making it 10x worse) because of the lack of the thank you, he seems to think I just jotted it down in ten minutes Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
moominleigh94 · 14/10/2013 17:33

I asked him how long he thought it should be, he said it needed two or three more pages. I told him he's welcome to write it himself then Hmm

OP posts:
BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 14/10/2013 17:34

I'd be tempted to reply with something along the lines of "Well, it's more effort than you've put in so far." YANBU that would piss me off too.

helenthemadex · 14/10/2013 17:45

why not reply " I am more than happy for you to take over the script writing if you are not happy with what I have done" you rude ignorant fucker

FunkyBoldRibena · 14/10/2013 17:50

I'd put 'ok cool, I'll save this one for another group I'm working with and I'll await your script to land. I'm sure it will knock everyone's socks off. Thanks for the feedback.'

Balaboosta · 14/10/2013 17:50

If you're studying theatre you're going to have to get used to bad reviews!

Original poster
moominleigh94 · 14/10/2013 22:36

It's not the bad reviews Balaboosta as it wasn't even a review - if he thinks it's short, fine (although everyone else says it's great, and it's what the lecturer asked for - plus he turned up late to the lesson anyway so Hmm ), but a thank you really wouldn't go amiss... it's just manners.

This guy's a bit of a twat all-around really.

I'm not too fussed any more though Grin had some good feedback so sod him Grin

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 14/10/2013 22:46

That's a bit rude, complex, isn't it?

ICameOnTheJitney · 14/10/2013 22:58

Complex who do you work for? The Ministry of The Bitter?

PerpendicularVince · 14/10/2013 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CharityFunDay · 15/10/2013 02:47

Sadly, non-writers will never understand the writing process, and think they can order up creative writing by the yard.

"It's OK" is probably about as good as you can hope for, until the production comes alive on stage.

"You could have put a bit more effort in" probably relates to the length. At least I hope so, because otherwise it's disgracefully rude. But since they've said 'It's OK' I should imagine they weren't intending for it to be a personal slight.

Just bear in mind that you're the one with the experience and know-how, and they are not. Their criticisms don't matter, although given the background you relate, I can understand why you're pissed off.

But it's done now. Let go and be kind to yourself -- you did a difficult job well enough to get an 'OK' rating from a twat. Smile

NotDead · 15/10/2013 03:15

nope no jury..that was shit feedback!

Though could be clever copy your reply to all say.'this is a collaborative production, Here's my start of all comments and edits back to me but end of day, groundrules. 1. comments are constructive and/or real scripted edits. 2. blanket comments about 'worth' etc like this one are demotivating and unhelpful..try to frame comments with examples eg 'here's an alternative way of getting thus across' with examples 3.I suggest that in all cases we have to through reading aand rehearsal and as the play builds some of the reading weaknesses now will shake out as actors fill lines emotionally 4. We need a reading in any case so u suggest all comments etc should be compiled after that.

Hope ok, again please be clear times short for me just now'

that'll shit them up but also make you sound like you are a seriius mofo..

claraschu · 15/10/2013 03:46

He was extremely rude. "It's OK" is not an OK thing to say. All criticism from colleagues should be very specific, and well cushioned with praise and appreciation.

Teachers and critics have another role to play; if they are blunt and unkind, that is sometimes their job.

ComplexNumber, why are you being annoying?

daisychain01 · 15/10/2013 04:46

YANBU to feel miffed after all the effort you put in.

Dare I say it, Isn't this what actors, actresses, people on front stage have to put up with, being panned by the critics, slagged off for their 'art'?

If you ask them how they cope with criticism, they say they dont read the critics, they pay no attention to people whose opinion they dont give a toss about.

Hence, could you take a similar approach and don the skin of a rhino, tough it out with your head held high. Or else think ... Hmmm is there a grain of truth in that person's words that might make me ever more amazing than I am.

Cant remember who said it, something about Doing your best means never stop trying

Hope all goes well with your course and the baby x

daisychain01 · 15/10/2013 04:52

Also, in the world of work you never get thanked for anything. One could argue that you get paid for it, but all I am saying is that it is something you need to get used to, very very few people every does favours for you or appreciate what you do, after a while you start to look inside, dig deep and realise that internal motivation, doing things for your own sense of joy is the greatest motivator in the world.

Then you can figuratively stick to fingers up at people who tell you "you're OK" Grin. What do they matter?

daisychain01 · 15/10/2013 04:53

Oops "ever do...."

luxemburgerli · 15/10/2013 05:24

I'd just post back that you're pleased they've picked up on it because you were thinking they could've made more (any) effort too!!

And if they don't like it they should feel free to spend a tiny amount of their precious time editing, because you've done your share!

luxemburgerli · 15/10/2013 05:28

And I get what people are saying about rarely being thanked in the world of work, but I would add that it is only like that if you let people treat you that way. Start standing up for yourself now - it is well known that women end up doing the thankless tasks/jobs and thereby hold themselves back at work.

I would not expect one of my colleagues to do a large share of my work and then berate it. Not without expecting to be told to bog off. So don't take it!

mlamle · 15/10/2013 06:40

I think NotDead's response is spot on - a tactful way to steer everyone towards constructive criticism, and also encouraging them towards being part of the process.

Good luck with the pregnancy!

Vivacia · 15/10/2013 07:17

Perhaps you could become known as the one in the group who says 'no' if she doesn't want to do something. Now is the perfect time to start practising being assertive.