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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to find it irritating my DH doesn't shower everyday.

114 replies

bumpandkind · 14/10/2013 08:39

My Dh can happily go three days or more at a time without washing. He admittedly never smells bad ( although his hair gets greasy) and he thinks it is a middle class obsession with cleanliness that he doesn't have to be a part of. I don't find it disgusting but it does wind me up.

OP posts:
Jan49 · 14/10/2013 11:39

The people who say it's so much easier to jump in the shower than wash a few bits with a flannel must have really efficient showers. I can wash a few bits in a few minutes, but a shower plus drying plus body lotion all over (otherwise my skin itches) plus clearing up the bathroom takes about half an hour. It most definitely isn't easier.

Nancy66 · 14/10/2013 11:48

Flannels are so unhygienic. yuk yuk yuk

WallyBantersJunkBox · 14/10/2013 11:52

feet, face and fanny - hopefully not in that order? Grin

Andro · 14/10/2013 11:53

He can go three weeks or more without a bath

Boak!

Once/twice daily showers here for all.

PedlarsSpanner · 14/10/2013 11:59

two words

poo crumbs

bleurgh

Threalamandaclarke · 14/10/2013 12:13

Strip washing at the sink takes significantly less time than even a quick shower. Partly because of the drying/ moisturising time.
Hair washing is great. But drying/ straightening is a phenomenal chore. Your hair definitely does not lean itself.
That said, I do shower daily. As does dh.
dcs get bathed every evening together as part of their bedtime routine.
I sometimes wonder if I am bathing them too much but it's the easiest way to wash them, ESP. dS's fingernails. He plays in the bath for 10 minutes and they're sparkling clean.

I believe it must be easier for a woman to achieve a decent intimate clean with a strip wash than a man.....?
Flannels are washed frequently.

Threalamandaclarke · 14/10/2013 12:15

OP, hopefully your DP showers before sex. Grin

Mojavewonderer · 14/10/2013 14:14

Eww my husband is the same op and I hate it! He doesn't smell at all but I think its bleugh. I shower or bathe every day, I love being all lovely and clean. I find it weird he doesn't.

bumpandkind · 14/10/2013 15:13

Glad most of you are with me on this one! Having read all your comments I do feel its a respect issue with me. And to further disgust a few posters - no he does not shower before or after sex!!!

OP posts:
KellyElly · 14/10/2013 15:32

And to further disgust a few posters - no he does not shower before or after sex!!! I really hope he washes his penis otherwise if I were you OP I wouldn't be having sex with him. You can get infections from dirty todgers!!

Amibambini · 14/10/2013 15:37

My partner and I live on a boat and our water comes from an 1800L tank. To save frequent trips to the water point (a half day job), we have become a lot more mindful of our water usage. We now probably wash every second (sometimes third) day, unless of course we are doing really mucky, sweaty stuff. I used to be someone who couldn't really wake up without a shower and would feel kinda gross without my daily one, but now it doesn't bother me at all. It's interesting how you adapt to changed situations.

I think if your body, hair and skin is repeatedly washed with soap and water, it works harder to produce more oils to keep everything supple and protected, get oilier, need more showers etc. Stop stripping it so much, body adjusts over time. I have definitely noticed my hair and skin is less dry and in better condition since reducing the washing.

We don't smell on day two, if anything we just don't smell of soap, I guess on day two we smell like a human? We also spend a lot of time with other boat dwellers who are also pretty similar in their approach to water, and they all smell pretty normal too. Although now we are all starting to smell like woodsmoke as the burners come on!

And this is not all us boaties just being crusty hippies who love our own fart and BO stink, I also spend time with non-boat dwellers and apart from the woodsmoke there is no difference in smell. And believe me, my pregnant super nose is picking up everything, there are some serious non-clothes washers getting around out there which have been regularly gagging me out on public transport!

ClockWatchingLady · 14/10/2013 15:53

Oh, bumpandkind, I'm so grateful to you for asking this! Are you me? DP and I have exactly the same interaction (even down to the reasons he gives).

I have (very) recently worked out how to deal with this in a way which so far appears to work (to some extent). Very simply, sex occurs only if he's showered. This has dramatically increased his showering frequency. So as not to sound antagonistic, I DON'T say anything along the lines of "don't fancy you much when you smell like that"). I instead phase it thus: "oh DP, I love the smell of you/fancy you so much when you've just got out the shower" [initiates sex]. After all, I genuinely find that I can smell some kind of lovely pheremoney smell when it's not masked by BO.

Branleuse · 14/10/2013 16:02

i bath every other day usually, sometimes less if im too overloaded, sometimes more if ive been to the gym or feel grimey.

Ive never had anyone recoil in horror about my smell, and i keep the bits that matter clean.

I dont think its really anyone elses business. Im not a naturally sweaty or smelly person, and tbh, i dont really want anyone to come near me anyway

HorryIsUpduffed · 14/10/2013 16:10

People who wash every day have to wash every day because their bodies learn to replenish the skin-protecting oils (etc) faster. So it's likely that if one of you "at least once a day" showerers went a day without, you would look greasier and feel smellier than the average body.

I didn't live in a house with a shower until I was 15; it's still perfectly normal to live in a house with only a bath. Running a full and hot enough bath every day is hugely time consuming and profligate compared to a two-minute nip into a decent standalone shower.

I think the modern habit of wearing clean clothes head to toe every day has made more difference to how much people smell than how often they wash - a clean body in yesterday's clothes smells worse than a yesterday's body in a totally clean outfit.

But this isn't about how dirty the DH is or how often he showers, it's about the incompatibility between him and OP. They are arguing from different philosophical positions, rather than saying "I feel more turned on by you when you've just had a shower" against "I am worried about our gas/water bill".

bumpandkind · 14/10/2013 16:17

Clockwatchinglady I'm going to give your suggestions a go! I think the possibility of sex not being available unless clean will have him hot footing it to the shower!

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 14/10/2013 16:26

horry - think you may be right! I used to be an everyday showerer (for literally all my adult life) and daily hair washer. My hair was always greasy and lank by day 2 and needed washing again. But - 3 or 4 months ago i suffered from dreadful early pregnancy fatigue plus a bit of depression and it stopped me showering daily; I just didn't have the energy or the inclination, and guess what? I didn't smell and my hair looked bloody great! Grin

Since that discovery i've been washing my hair every 4 days'ish and i'm showering every other day'ish. My hair is looking the best it ever has, and i'm still not smelly. (I'm not a 'sweaty' person, and if i'm going to have sex with DH i will jump in the shower with a shower cap on)

DH is a different kettle of fish ... he needs a shower if he's been at work as he gets cement'y, but he's rarely BO smelling. I actually LOVE the smell of him when he is a bit whiffy Blush Makes me come over all animal and want to drag him to bed GrinWink

Andro · 14/10/2013 17:12

no he does not shower before or after sex!!!

Cottage cheese anyone? ICK!

I hope he doesn't dare suggest you perform oral sex on him, that would be beyond gross

chrome100 · 14/10/2013 17:19

I can only think that all those who do not shower every day must lead very sedentary lives. Even cycling the ten mins to work makes me whiff a bit, never mind being at work which, even being a desk job, still involves me using stairs, rushing from one room to another. How can you possibly NOT need to wash at the end of the day?

eurochick · 14/10/2013 17:21

See, in the 80s, many people didn't shower every day and I didn't think they smelled, but that is because I lived with a heavy smoker. Now I am rarely around smoke, I have the sense of smell of a bloodhound and can definitely notice if someone isn't bathing regularly. One of my work colleagues could definitely do with more showers! And Dublin taxi drivers (sorry, Irish posters but I have only ever noticed this in Dublin) - the majority honks! It's a greasy hair smell. Holding your breath all the way from the airport to the city centre is no mean feat...

TrueStory · 14/10/2013 17:24

I am not sure what the OP finds disgusting though. DP doesn't smell bad she admits, so whats the problem? Just the "idea" of not having a shower every day Hmm?. I agree it is a middle-class obsession, and a stupid one at that.

PissesGlitter · 14/10/2013 17:29

Ffs I don't shower daily and I don't smell either

Don't ask me how i know or any of that bollocks I just fucking don't and I also don't like the accusation that I do by a bunch of people on the internet who I have never met
Thank

PavlovtheCat · 14/10/2013 17:58

wally a delayed response as I just got home from work. I guess it must be Grin I looked at that word, and looked and could not work out why it didn't look right Grin

MissFenella · 14/10/2013 18:01

Not sure why being clean is thought to be a MC trait on here? It was the working man who bathed more regularly as they needed it.

My dad has bathed everyday for the last 64 years, because he needed to at first and now it's a habit. He also uses half a bar of soap, because he hasn't realised he is no longer scrubbing off coal dust.

We all followed suit on regular washing because it was the household norm.

We also had an outside loo until 1987.

pigletmania · 14/10/2013 18:05

I don't shower every day, but wash my face and Fanjo. I have eczema and it dries my skin

LaQueenForADay · 14/10/2013 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.