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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like non-family middle names

162 replies

Coffeeandajigsaw · 11/10/2013 15:14

I'm of the opinion that middle names should be family names, or possibly something with significance, not names just chosen because you like the sound of it. Yes I know it's a free world and my own middle name is very much a 'vanity' middle name (ta, mum) but I just think it's a bit silly. Pick a dead relative, or even a living one, or if you hate your family, just don't bother with a middle name at all!

Especially hate filler names, too many Isla Graces and Jessica Roses!

Sorry if I'm being offensive, was just interested to know if this is just me?

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 11/10/2013 19:14

Well we're all entitled to our opinions aren't we op

Honouring family members alive or deceased via middle names or even first names seems a recipe for family fall out to me.

I love the name Arthur,always have. Absolutely cannot use it in any way without one side of my family kicking off in a big way.

I wouldn't inflict my (lovely) grandmothers names on any daughter of mine in any capacity. Those names are not ready for a come back.

Plus there are names I like more than any family names so I'll be using them. Sorry about that.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 11/10/2013 19:39

I can't believe you care OP, how ridiculous.

We gave DS the two names we loved and sound good together. Couldn't give a flying fuck if you don't agree with it.

I personally wouldn't name my children after family preferring to give them their own identity, rather than being the 27th John in the family.

mrspremise · 11/10/2013 19:59

very weird to be this bothered... my first ds is named for my DF and DB, but my second DS has namesWink that we just 'liked'. My middle name is a very unusual family name and, while I love it now, I hated it with a passion as a chikd and wished it was Louise.

Inertia · 11/10/2013 20:01

I'm of the opinion that giving family names as middle names is a recipe for family fallout disaster. Fortunately my opinion only matters when it comes to naming my own children, everyone else can do what they like.

We chose middle names which reflected my husband's cultural heritage.

Baffles me why anyone else cares - there's no limit on the number of times a name can be used. Nobody's going to be crying in registry offices because they've run out of Graces.

Inertia · 11/10/2013 20:02

I'm of the opinion that giving family names as middle names is a recipe for family fallout disaster. Fortunately my opinion only matters when it comes to naming my own children, everyone else can do what they like.

We chose middle names which reflected my husband's cultural heritage.

Baffles me why anyone else cares - there's no limit on the number of times a name can be used. Nobody's going to be crying in registry offices because they've run out of Graces.

Inertia · 11/10/2013 20:04

Oops!

I'm not really that bothered about middle names....

Weeantwee · 11/10/2013 20:14

I know of someone who gave their DD my first name as her middle name. I have never met them, they just heard my name from chatting to MIL in Tesco, loved it and decided it was perfect. Random, but I feel quite honoured.

I have a middle name that I can't pronounce. Thanks mum.

LunaticFringe · 11/10/2013 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbarianMum · 11/10/2013 20:19

How would you even know if a middle name is a family name? do you ask to see copies of people's family trees?

MomentForLife · 11/10/2013 20:23

Sorry but yes YABU. Surely any name given to a child 'means' something, because it 'means' that the parents love the name and thought it worthy to give their child.

DD has 2 middle names, one chosen because it looks pretty with first name, the other because it was her Dad's first choice but we stuck with mine Wink

Bowlersarm · 11/10/2013 20:24

Just you.

That is a ridiculous idea, OP.

CrispyFB · 11/10/2013 20:27

Ours all have non-family middle names in case they want an alternative to use when they're older without faffing about with deed polls. My mother and her mother both switched to their middle names from quite a young age as they preferred them. I know another lady who did as well, it's probably fairly common.

That's what I've always seen a middle name as - a backup option for the child when they're older!

SatinSandals · 11/10/2013 20:55

I would just like OP to explain how she knows if someone's choice is family or not. Unless they do as BarbarianMum says and produce a family tree she has absolutely no way of knowing.

JadziaSnax · 11/10/2013 21:08

I can't see what my (or my DC) middle names matter to anyone else. The DCs have a middle names that I liked and I have a middle name that my Dad liked. Why should it matter where that name comes from?

Sparklingbrook · 11/10/2013 21:16

You could say that about a lot of threads on MN though Jadzia.

Excited85 · 11/10/2013 21:36

Out of interest how would a family middle name work? Between me and DH we have three grandads and three Nan's alive. Plus a late set. Surely most people have similar.

So which do you 'honour'? Do we use all three male (or female names) on one kid so as not to offend anyone?!!! Think I would probably just stick to a middle name I like to be honest, far less complicated.

Sparklingbrook · 11/10/2013 21:40

The male 'family middle name' in our family is a completely random one and not named after a person IYKWIM.

whattodoo · 11/10/2013 21:48

I haven't got a middle name. It feels like my parents couldn't be bothered.

Sparklingbrook · 11/10/2013 21:50

Oh no what I hope my 2 don't think that. I have told them to choose one if they really want one-but they don't seem fussed.

breatheslowly · 11/10/2013 21:51

YABU - it is just you.

I don't know if you had lots of unwanted advice when naming your DC, but a fairly standard response to it is "you've had your opportunity to name your DC, now it's our time to choose ours". I think this applies to you in this case too. You wanted your DC to have "family" middle names. Great. Now mind your own business about how other people come up with the middle names they give their DC.

EATmum · 11/10/2013 22:09

Feeling faint, thinking of the female family names that could have come my way if my mother had shared your views OP ...

ImAFrequentNameChanger · 11/10/2013 22:21

Just you. Middle names are for the child, so they have a choice what to call themselves as they get older that the parents (hopefully) have thought about carefully. No point at all naming after any random dead relative, that means nothing.

MsWilliamTheBloody · 11/10/2013 22:24

You also have to consider whether Great Great Aunt Elspeth would actually want a random child named after her too...

Pendeen · 11/10/2013 22:25

It's a tradition in this part of Cornwall that the eldest girl in the family has the same middle name. Out of all the girls in my primary school I can only think of two who didn't - both were non-Cornish.

I have given DD the name. None of my friends have broken the tradition.

So OP, I completely agree with you.

LoveSewingBee · 11/10/2013 22:39

But how do you know whether the middle names are not related to family, OP? Do you actually ask? That would surely be a very unreasonable (and rude) thing to do.

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