to find life in my 30s boring?

[picniclady]

I spent my twenties working hard and playing hard, I built a career, earned good money, went on holidays and breaks to travel the world and spent most weekends partying and socialising.

Now I'm in my early thirties, I have a dc whom I adore, a dp whoI get on ok with but it isn't a romance like in the movies and work part-time in a fairly dull job that pays reasonably well. On the face of it I should be quite happy, I am grateful for what I have but I do find life really tiring now, iI'm permanently exhausted and to be honest I find it much less happy and fun than I did in my twenties, in fact I feel quite depressed.

Aibu to feel like this and. I alone in feeling this way? I feel really bad for admitting this :-(

jasmine you're so right...

Flippin heck most of this thread is depressing.

I have loved every decade! Sure things happened in some that weren't great but on the whole I have made sure I had fun.

There's no point rolling over and giving up on life even,if it is just a temporary,just because you have kids and stuff.

Have friends round, have parties at your house, go walking, cycling, make plans, have dreams, watch films you wouldn't normally watch, do something new even if it with the kids.

You are a long time dead, might as well live now!

Are you not just lonely then op? Which can happen at any age. If you are tied to the house because your oh is working then you need to find ways around it.
Can you talk to dh and have a certain night of the week that is yours?
Can you do stuff in the day with the kids after school or whatever that weould cheer you up? My friend's dog has made her healthier and happier, another friend joined a family swimming club which she and the kids go to one week night and one weekend morning.
Can you put weekend away on the calendar with friends..have you got any babysitters?

Flipchart I am in your camp, life is too bloomin short!

OP can you book a babysitter and go out with your DP, get drunk and dance or something else that you would never normally do? A night of comedy with the girls??

One day your life won't be like it is now and don't put yourself in a position where you regret not enjoying it more. The future hasn't happened yet, the past has been and gone, the present is just that, a present. yours for the taking.

I know what you mean. For the first time since my early teens my life is just trundling along rather than hurtling at breakneck speed towards exams, parties, trips, new job, learning new skills etc...

It's a bit of a shock.

This thread is very useful!

OP if you are feeling depressed it might be worth exploring treatments. I have tried cbt and citalopram, both very useful. Some CBT books might be helpful in encouraging you to think more optimistically - feeling good by David burns and any of the "overcoming" series published by OUP.

I felt very fed up in my late twenties, albeit childless. Found work an unfilfilling grind, home ownership and long term rel stiflying and isolated from friends. In fact, I had depression and anxiety. Recognising that and seeking treatment was beneficial in two ways. Firstly it helped me rediscover the joy in small moments and realise that actually moods are fleeting. The long dark teatime of the soul is actually just an hour of the day, etc. Secondly, it gave me the drive to change what I wasn't happy with.

Ask yourself honestly - and the books I have recommended can help - whether you are rose tinting the past and discounting the positive in the present. Go on a mindfulness meditation course - its something which will take you out of the daily grind and help you develop a new perspective on it.

OP I guess only you will know if it's depression, and if it is, sure, get treatment, but my guess is it's what lots of people in a certain kind of situation feel like.

I think it's the contrast, between a life in your 20s which was very satisfying, fun, exciting, rewarding, and the immense change to that which can come with motherhood.

I strongly suspect that those people who find the transition easier either didn't do quite as much in their 20s, or are able to do more in their 30s, because they have a better support network in terms of babysitting, better family relationships so can go abroad with relatives, etc., or maybe more money because they can still work as their DM or MIL does a lot of free childminding. If you have none of those things it is very difficult to make the transition, ime.

Also you say you're exhausted - people's children vary wildly as to how they sleep and if you're lucky enough to have good sleepers you will not know the true exhaustion of NEVER getting more than 2 or 3 hours sleep on the trot for literally years. It may be that OP has a bad sleeper DC.

I would reiterate you definitely need to find something new and interesting to do, which absorbs you and makes you feel somehow more vibrant/interesting/interested.

I strongly suspect that those people who find the transition easier either didn't do quite as much in their 20s, or are able to do more in their 30s, because they have a better support network in terms of babysitting, better family relationships so can go abroad with relatives, etc., or maybe more money because they can still work as their DM or MIL does a lot of free childminding. If you have none of those things it is very difficult to make the transition, ime.
I get where you are coming from but in my expierence I disagree.

For me my 20s were great. I had met DH, I had a sport that I was really involved with and I had a good job.
I think what made the transition easy was that I was ready to have babies and after that not much changed.
I kept my hobbies, friends and jobs and had/have a great partner who did more than his fair wack of childcare stuff and suppor.

Yes exactly, flipchart, that's what I mean! You had a great support network because you were able to carry on doing all the things you already really enjoyed. For some of us, suddenly not being able to just get in the car and go out pretty much ever because either DH isn't there, or there's no parents/trustworthy babysitters for 100 miles makes it very hard.

As you say, you found the transition easy for those reasons. It doesn't sound like your life really changed that much when you had children, which is great for you, but that's not how it is for everyone.

I just send mine to childcare and dont really need my parents for regular childcare. I always find my childfree friends are desperate to babysit as its all a cute fun thing for them.

As you say, you found the transition easy for those reasons. It doesn't sound like your life really changed that much when you had children, which is great for you, but that's not how it is for everyone.

I didn't have a great support network. Only DH. I had no parents or friends to babysit.
My point was that it was my attitude was one of being ready for the next step in my life BUT it was hugely important to me to keep my identity of being 'Jill' - in other words once the novelty of having a baby had settled down I didn't wrap my whole life round being Jordan and Kieran's mum.

If I couldn't go out because DH wasn't around I got friends to come to me and have a good time. I picked a gym that had a crèche so I could swim and gym.
I put the boys in a pram and get a local OS map and spend the day walking and looking for new paths.

I think more than anything it is about one's attitude and how resilient they are to change.
I am, generally a happy, glass is nearly full sort of person.

Could you get a more interesting job? personally, I enjoyed my 30s. I was at home looking after my young son, and also for some years my mother who was crippled with arthritis. I was getting on better with my husband (things had been a bit difficult before). Looking back it was alll pretty good. if I could live my 30s over again, I would.

When the babies are litttle, what can we do?