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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find life in my 30s boring?

40 replies

picniclady · 10/10/2013 22:44

I spent my twenties working hard and playing hard, I built a career, earned good money, went on holidays and breaks to travel the world and spent most weekends partying and socialising.

Now I'm in my early thirties, I have a dc whom I adore, a dp whoI get on ok with but it isn't a romance like in the movies and work part-time in a fairly dull job that pays reasonably well. On the face of it I should be quite happy, I am grateful for what I have but I do find life really tiring now, iI'm permanently exhausted and to be honest I find it much less happy and fun than I did in my twenties, in fact I feel quite depressed.

Aibu to feel like this and. I alone in feeling this way? I feel really bad for admitting this :-(

OP posts:
givemeaboost · 10/10/2013 22:46

the daily grind. how about trying something new to spice up your life a bit, a new hobby? zumba? skittles? a sport?

HerBigChance · 10/10/2013 22:48

I don't have children, but I found my thirties duller than I expected. My forties are ace; I feel much more alive to life

CailinDana · 10/10/2013 22:49

Do you think you are depressed? Or just tired and fed up?

ICameOnTheJitney · 10/10/2013 22:52

Ah YANBU but you just need to make something else happen....what would you like to do?

Original poster
picniclady · 10/10/2013 22:54

A new hobby is a good idea, just not sure how I could fitit in. Dp works long hours and pprobably always will (he's a workaholic) I used to go out and party away the weekend etc, now that's not an option. I think I am tiredand fed up, possibly bordering on depression.

OP posts:
beachesandbuckets · 10/10/2013 22:55

Same here, lay down on bed at 8pm tonight because it was cold and nothing on TV and tired from dc, thought that last time I went to bed so early was due to jetlag from (another) long haul business flight, or with a stonking hangover. Also started selling Feel old, fat and frumpy. My size 10 old going out outfits on eBay today given that I won't be a size 10 or going out in foreseeable future.

How old are your dc? I reckon as they get older you get a little more me time back, and I second gym, hobby, organising drinks etc

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 10/10/2013 22:55

I loved my 20s. Hated my 30s. About to start my 40s. If they aren't better than my 30s, I shan't bother with my 50s.

AnyFucker · 10/10/2013 22:56

actually I found my 30's a bit meh too

my 40's are much better Grin

lisbapalea · 10/10/2013 23:04

I am already looking forward to my 40's. Have promised myself I will be much less tired, more stylish, and more interesting then.

Am currently 36 (and a half) with one dd aged 3.7 and dc2 due in December.

Portofino · 10/10/2013 23:08

It's called life when you have younger children. Especially if you work. Life is like an endless to do list. You need to find a group or interest for you. You have to make the effort to get out. If no-one wants to go the cinema, you can still go etc.

jasminerose · 10/10/2013 23:11

Are your friends not still going out frequently? No one got any breaks away planned? Im not in my 30s yet but I have 2 kids and am still very busy in my social life.

Scarletohello · 10/10/2013 23:22

Am 48 and last ten years have definitely been the best! Don't have kids tho. Think you may have to accept that yes your life has changed and think about what you want from this stage of life. Looking after young kids is always going to be hard but do you have friends in a similar situation you can do stuff with? Or find a group through Meet ups you might find fun? Sounds like you feel bored, unfulfilled and need something to look forward to.

Nothing ever stays the same, for good or bad...

WilsonFrickett · 10/10/2013 23:22

The grind of small children and a LTR and a 'ticking along' career is shit, no matter what decade it happens in. Nothing feels shiny and sparky and amazing. But it doesn't last forever and it is possible to find the joy in smaller things. And it won't always be like this.

Terrortree · 10/10/2013 23:31

Wasn't overly impressed with my 20s - but loved my thirties as finally I was treated like an independent woman, rather than a silly girl. Roaring towards my 40s, and just embarking on the most exciting new adventure.

If I were you, start making plans for when you can change your life rather than feeling than life is like this forever. It ain't.

itsn0tmeitsyou · 10/10/2013 23:38

Ditto, OP. It's not the same without the freedom, socialising, energy to do stuff, etc. Loads of people feel like it. I am heartened by those in their 40s saying it gets better.

My feeling is that you have to use this time now to work out what floats your boat for the next part of your life, as we couldn't still be doing that young person stuff as we get old anyway.

AnyFucker · 10/10/2013 23:46

My kids are teenagers now. Get lots more freedom. DH and I are in a good place. Yay for the 40's.

MyBaby1day · 11/10/2013 04:43

I don't feel any different to how I did in my 20's although I like the 20's age better. Helps that I still look 12 Grin. Maybe it's just that you've settled down now and life is different and not as exiciting. Maybe a bit more travelling might buck you up?, as a family this time?, it's never too late!, you're young!.

jasminerose · 11/10/2013 07:48

Surely you dont get this tired in your thirties? Its really young still. Book on a weekend away with your friends. I always have loads of nights/trips organised so always have exciting things to look forward.

mumtosome61 · 11/10/2013 07:52

I have hated most of my 20's. Am nearly 30 now and hoping it'll prove better - the last ten years have been a torrent of mental and physical health shit and I could really use a break.

I alternate between feeling 12, 5 and 80.

Binkybix · 11/10/2013 08:01

I early 30s with a small DS who I love, but I'm seriously mourning my old life at the moment. I'm hoping I'll adjust soon.....

TheDoctrineOfSpike · 11/10/2013 08:12

How old is your DC and do you think you will have any more?

Did your DP change his job/lifestyle at all?

blueballoon79 · 11/10/2013 08:30

My 20's was dreadful. I was a single parent and I spent my time caring for my disabled son and watching life pass me by.

Other people my age were forging careers, going out partying and living life to the full.

I was incredibly depressed and fed up and thought things would never change.

I had a DD at 30 years old with my partner then, and when she was only 10 months old, her father walked out on me, resulting in me having a nervous breakdown.

My DD had numerous health problems too, resulting in her needing major surgery and lots of hospital appointments.

I spent all my time at the hospital, helping my children through various surgeries and helping them recover at home afterwards.

I was overweight, depressed and absolutely fed up with life. Every night I'd go to bed, hoping I wouldn't wake up in the morning.

I used to fantasise about ending my life, but couldn't because of my children. My sons father died and my daughters father is beyond useless. If I wasn't around, they'd have nobody.
have lessened and I decided to turn my life around.

Now both of them are at a point where they're doing well and their care needs

This year I was offered a fantastic job opportunity which I've grabbed with both hands. It only came up because of the years I've spent caring for my children and the experience I've gained through this ( I can't say more as it will out me!)

I've also signed up to a course to compliment the job which will be completed at home on an evening.

I also decided to get fit again. I used to run a lot and was proud of my fitness level and I wanted to try reach that again, so after 5 years of doing no exercise whatsoever, I started a training programme and started eating healthily.

I thought I'd never feel content, never mind happy but today I sit here typing this and I'm truly happy. Life is going well. I feel energised and enthusiastic about life again.

What I'm trying to say is only you can change how you feel about your life. Find a new hobby, sign up to a course, aim to get fit. Set yourself challenges and then go for them. The massive sense of accomplishment you feel afterwards is great. It's very easy to get stuck in the drudgery of housework and caring for children and feel life is passing you by- but don't let it.

You only live once, so make the most of the time you have!

stowsettler · 11/10/2013 09:03

I'm 40 and DD is 7mo. Born 6 weeks shy of the Big 4-0. I'm really glad I left kids late, because I had 20 whole years of parties, selfishness, boozing, every night in the gym, etc etc and it was all starting to pall a bit by the time I got pg. DD is great fun and is 7mo going on 13, so I suspect the next 20 years will be interesting, but in a different way.
I'm lucky tho in that a very good mate had a baby at the same time, and we both have DPs who are happy to baby sit once in a while. So we get to go out for a sneaky few drinkies. Like tonight.....Blush

OneLittleToddleTerror · 11/10/2013 09:05

YANBU. That's what life with children is like. I have my first at 36 and I can say early thirties was wonderful and exciting. And I have now swapped it with early nights and vomit and nappies.

Life in your 30s won't be so boring if you are still childless.

jasminerose · 11/10/2013 09:07

You can still drink, go wherever you want and go to the gym when you have kids thats why husbands were invented Wink

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