I defiantly think it possible to change the way that children approach their impute, we have children who come to stay, who want to be include the process, they love being in control, it give a sense of security knowing how to do things.
I started out as a single mother, so I do know how it feels to have to be the one making sure it all runs smoothly,
as we come through the door each time, "It's who is doing what?' this needs to be done, mine just go whirl wind, no one goes off for screen therapy until it's all completed, when it is no one has to be reminded what is needed, so it far more relaxing,
mine come and tell me when they have their personal stuff sorted for the next day, kits, clothes, books, and ask if they can take a computer, they wouldn't ask if the aware there were things left to be done,
Have calm chat ask if they like you having to be on their case all the time, ask how that could be solved, (there is only one acceptable solution, let them generate it)
baths in this house are something we do for each other, it a sort of family thing, I have always had a safety issue worry, so there has always been a strict rule that you run the cold water first, (so no one can ever get burnt and there is no steaming up), If someone coming back from an activity, someone will go and prepare a bath, run the water, put out towels, shampoo, make it nice, when you get out of it, you rinse it, spray with the ecover washing up liquid diluted with water(we use an old ecover bathroom spray cleaner bottle, so child friendly) scrub, nice for the next person,
get your children to run you a bath. Explain how you like it.
I think as a single parent, you can't possible do it all yourself and have energy left to do interesting things,
I always when doing something, like laundry, cooking, ask a visiting child if they know how to do the task, if they say yes, I get them to join me, and give tips on technic, then ask if they mind if I carry on with something else so we can all go and do something fun quicker, if they say no, I say here let me show you, so you know. it always slightly more effort than doing it yourself to start with, but children are really fast learners, so nail the task really quickly.
I always tell children one of the ways to tell if someone is grown up, is if they never have to be reminded to wash and brush teeth each day, and when they can judge that it time to get some sleep, eventually visiting children they start to announce they are off to bed, and you compliment them on their judgement call.