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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not warn this woman at work?

50 replies

boardcreche · 10/10/2013 09:04

posted before about a work colleague who was making my life a misery and whether or not to go to HR... decided not to as I thought I could play that game too kind of thing... HOWEVER... have just found out through some higher up contacts in work that we have a major shake up coming up in the dept. One that she will hate and affects her to the point that she might leave - i would if i were her - but if she knew about it now she might be able to get herself in a better position come the changes.
I am torn. at first I thought, ha serves her right, but now feel guilty and feel I should give her heads up as someone has for me. If these changes happen they way i have heard BTW I wont have to worry about her at all whatever happens.
Do I warn her? Or leave her to it? The only other thing is the info is confidential and if i warned her and she blabbed on me I and my ' informants' could get in big trouble. she is a gossip but i assume she would keep this to herself

OP posts:

MidniteScribbler · 10/10/2013 09:05

the info is confidential

The rest of your post is irrelevant.

CreatureRetorts · 10/10/2013 09:05

Why would you feel the need to warn her? Honestly, leave her to it otherwise it might come across that you're just trying to get one over her by showing you know something she doesn't.

JRmumma · 10/10/2013 09:06

Don't tell her. If there is going to be a shake up then you don't want to put yourself in a vulnerable situation by sharing confidential information.

NotYoMomma · 10/10/2013 09:07

don't tell her at all

because she is a knob
because it will look bad on you if it gets round
she might try and manipulate the situation so it is better for herself and worse for you/ others

BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 10/10/2013 09:07

What Midnite said.

FoxPass · 10/10/2013 09:08

don't tell her as there's a chance she could use it against you. would she warn you? doesn't sound like it.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 10/10/2013 09:09

Don't tell her.

A) it's confidential and you could get the person who told you the sack
B) you could get the sack
C) she doesn't deserve your potential risk

No brainer - keep this to yourself and hopefully you will keep your job.

deXavia · 10/10/2013 09:09

No don't talk
Firstly it's confidential and you could cause problems for yourself and whoever told you
Secondly you don't know it's 100% sure it's going to happen so it may be all for nothing
Thirdly you have no idea how she might react, she might leave or she might shrug it off ... Or she may already know and be plotting a way to get better out of it

In short absolutely no good can come of telling her....

EllaFitzgerald · 10/10/2013 09:10

I wouldn't. Mostly because you could get other people into trouble if it's found out you've passed the information on and you've got no guarantee she'll keep quiet.

JemR234 · 10/10/2013 09:10

Oh no don't do it, you have no reason to trust this woman and she could get you in a whole heap of trouble, as well as the person who's told you. Leave well alone.

thebody · 10/10/2013 09:12

be the professional you are presumably paid to be and don't gossip. you will damage your own reputation and it could back fire on you spectacularly.

LookingThroughTheFog · 10/10/2013 09:12

No, do not share confidential information with anyone. Don't gossip about it.

It's confidential.

MrsSchadenfreude · 10/10/2013 09:13

Don't tell her a) because the information is confidential b) because you have only heard second hand and c) it might not be confirmed yet and not happen, in which case you will look either unhinged or a bitch for spreading a rumour.

FannyFifer · 10/10/2013 09:13

Christ no, keep it to yourself.

Pachacuti · 10/10/2013 09:13

It's confidential. Have you read the bit of your own post where you "assume" that this woman who makes your life a misery will keep it to herself rather than get you in big trouble?

mrsrupertpenryjones · 10/10/2013 09:14

It's confidential. That is all

sebsmummy1 · 10/10/2013 09:14

Of course you don't tell her.

It doesn't matter whether you've decided in your head that she needs to know or it's the right thing to tell her. ATEOTD i fully suspect it will come back and bite your arse if you do, so keep shtum and keep your head down.

Plus for all you know your informant found be wrong or something could change along the way and your job could suddenly be on shaky ground and you will end up looking like you've stirred the pot.

nicename · 10/10/2013 09:17

If the info is confidential, keep it that way. You could end up in trouble repeating it.

If you did blab and she snithced on you, that wouldn't go down well. Also if she had a) stormed into HR and told them to shovw their job, or b) she made some changes sand still didn't get the job - she'd be out for your blood.

It may not happen! So many times I was given plans that were signed and sealed, only for the bosses to go into reverse ferret the next day.

Wait and see. Her career is not your bnusines, and her being 'good' for a few days won't wipe out a career of incompetance, bad blood, laziness...whatever.

Original poster

boardcreche · 10/10/2013 09:26

O know, I now you are all right. she cant be trusted. and tho this is confiential i work in one of those places where things never stay confidential long. my contact is very senior so am sure it is happening. maybe if she'd been nicer in her career she wouldnt be about to get sidelined like this...

OP posts:

SomethingProfound · 10/10/2013 09:29

Don't warn her. Based on your previous thread she does not sound like the kind of person who will receive this act as one of kindness, nor will she return the favor you will be doing her by remaining silent on the matter.

If she was a trusted friend I would say it is worth the risk but this is a person that has systematically tried to undermine you and cause you difficulty. You can not hold her up to the same standards you hold for yourself she has clearly demonstrated previously that her moral compass is below par. IMHO trusting her will be a huge mistake, use this info for your advantage secure your position and keep schtum.

Telling her would be career suicide.

Scarifying · 10/10/2013 09:33

I agree with lots of the other posters,

It a no brainer.

It's confidential

theboutiquemummy · 10/10/2013 09:45

Say nothing someone has trusted you with inside information, if she was meant to know then she would do you may not be aware of the politics behind her treatment within the organisation you never know whose feet she's trodden on

On another note why do you feel the need to get her approval or make her a friend or to be acknowledged by someone so awful

Hold your head up, don't drop down to her level, she will only manipulate it and you'll be the victim all over again

Instead focus on you and remember Karma really does exist

allforoneandoneforall · 10/10/2013 09:48

say nothing!!

ChasedByBees · 10/10/2013 09:59

Absolutely say nothing. If the plans change, it could look like you are trying to drive her out. She's a gossip, she malicious, there's no way telling her would end well.

Original poster

boardcreche · 10/10/2013 10:06

Boutique - you are right karma, thats what another colleague ( who is also in the know!) said to me.

OP posts:

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