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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not warn this woman at work?

50 replies

boardcreche · 10/10/2013 09:04

posted before about a work colleague who was making my life a misery and whether or not to go to HR... decided not to as I thought I could play that game too kind of thing... HOWEVER... have just found out through some higher up contacts in work that we have a major shake up coming up in the dept. One that she will hate and affects her to the point that she might leave - i would if i were her - but if she knew about it now she might be able to get herself in a better position come the changes.
I am torn. at first I thought, ha serves her right, but now feel guilty and feel I should give her heads up as someone has for me. If these changes happen they way i have heard BTW I wont have to worry about her at all whatever happens.
Do I warn her? Or leave her to it? The only other thing is the info is confidential and if i warned her and she blabbed on me I and my ' informants' could get in big trouble. she is a gossip but i assume she would keep this to herself

OP posts:
Milkjug · 10/10/2013 10:07

Your post makes no sense to me. Why on earth would you put your own professional reputation and job on the line to break a confidentiality agreement for someone who makes your working life difficult, and who is an indiscreet gossip who would be very likely to name the source of the 'leak'????

Why not simply sit back, wait for events to transpire and nastily enjoy her being discomfited without you having had to lift a finger?

BloodiedGhouloshes · 10/10/2013 10:07

Info is confidential.

That is all.

havatry · 10/10/2013 10:09

No keep it to yourself. Chances are the person who blabbed to you will blab to her anyway. Stay well out of it.

TheUnsinkableTitanic · 10/10/2013 10:11

another one for do not tell
good luck with all the changes

Retroformica · 10/10/2013 10:15

You shouldn't break confidentiality. Put your friends first. Don't get them in to trouble

ScrambledSmegs · 10/10/2013 10:48

It's confidential. You are not only NBU, you are positively virtuous in not passing on the information.

Tanith · 10/10/2013 11:32

It's not your information to share.

If someone lent you £100, would you give it to her? Might help you to see things in perspective.

I'd also have a good think about just why you feel the need to put yourself and others into a vulnerable position and destroy your reputation for trustworthiness in order to appease someone you dislike. You could be a sitting duck for the next unpleasant work colleague otherwise.

Suzieismyname · 10/10/2013 11:35

Don't say anything. ..

eurochick · 10/10/2013 11:37

God no.

It's confidential.
She could blab and make things bad for you and your source.
Why would you want to help someone who has made your life difficult?

oldgrandmama · 10/10/2013 11:41

No-brainer ... keep out of it.

Tuppenceinred · 10/10/2013 12:47

It's confidential - you have no choice - say nothing.

MortaIWombat · 10/10/2013 12:56

She is a bully.
You want to be nice to her so she likes you doesn't bully you.
Do you think this will work?

DOn't tell her - and just sit back and enjoy the scene. Karma. Grin

mydoorisalwaysopen · 10/10/2013 13:00

You are going to take this advice, aren't you OP? Don't tell for ask the reasons already given.

mydoorisalwaysopen · 10/10/2013 13:00

All not ask.

donnie · 10/10/2013 13:09

keep silent - if you are found out to have revealed confidential info it could seriously affect your employment situation and record.

Original poster
boardcreche · 10/10/2013 14:25

to answer why I would think about helping her out with info - i do feel soory for her a bit because shes an unhappy person = why she is so difficult at work but mainly cos i know shes a single mum who has had a horrible divorce and a change in employment would make things hard for her
i AM taking advice and keeping quiet tho.

OP posts:
Aniseeda · 10/10/2013 15:15

Don't tell her

and don't tell anyone else either. It won't go well for you or the person who told you (and shouldn't have!)

DontmindifIdo · 10/10/2013 15:20

Just to join the other saying don't tell her. You can justify it if it comes out later that you knew by saying it was told to you in confidence, by not telling her you are doing the right thing.

Idespair · 10/10/2013 15:24

I don't understand the dilemma. The info in confidential so you'd be taking a risk telling her. I can see why someone might be torn re whether to take the risk for a very close friend but this woman is nasty and horrible! Don't tell her!

JustinBsMum · 10/10/2013 15:26

One of the bosses could be run over by a bus tomorrow morning and the big changes coming up could all be cancelled.

You are assuming things which might not happen. Don't say anything.

difficultpickle · 10/10/2013 15:33

You don't know that she doesn't already know. She may have her own sources. If you tell her and she already knows then she will tell those that told her, and you will be in trouble for breaching confidences. If she doesn't know and you tell her she may create such a fuss that it comes back to you. I can't see any reason why you would want to tell her. If you keep that confidential info to yourself and your sources know this then they may be forthcoming with further confidential info in future that could help you.

PosyNarker · 10/10/2013 16:11

It's confidential, you don't like her and she's making life unpleasant for you.

Can't see any reason to risk sharing with her to be frank.

LimitedEditionLady · 11/10/2013 09:08

If you arent meant to know then YOU DONT KNOW.

shewhowines · 11/10/2013 09:48

Karma is a bitch Grin

She might know anyway. If she does would she tell you? Nope, didn't think so.

zoobaby · 11/10/2013 10:10

Maybe she's already keeping this info confidential. Possibly already planning to nab herself a better position. If I were you, I'd concentrate on whatever implications I could mitigate against for myself.

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