To think just fucking do it, and not have to ask/remind every bloody night?

[jimijack]

DH.
He bathes the baby each night but without fail I have to ask or remind him to do it because he is Sat on his arse watching tv or in he garage or doing something.

It gets later & the baby gets crabby because he is tired & wants his milk & bed, yet I STILL have to fucking say something.

It's 10 minutes of baby free time for me to sort out the dishes or just sit.

Feel like a nag.

Your first responsibility is to the baby. Routine is always helpful. Just get it done yourself. It is sad that the father is so selfish. Reminding him of his responsibility will only go on exhausting you. As I said. It just isn't fair. Live with it.
And to OTT MummA
Try a little respect for the generation that came before you.

As for original post- yanbu I hate feeling like a bag but constantly do

If you don't like swearing, MN is probably not the website for you.

OP: there is nimreason whatsoever to allow him to remain incompetent. I agree with the earlier poster that going out would be a good option. Possibly for a whole weekend. It'll do you good to have a break, and it'll do wonders for his competency levels when he just has to deal with everything.

Isn't that fucking age discrimination, treating someone differently because they're old / young?

Hahahahahahahahahaha! Yes, just suck it up. A bloke needs to chill in the evening. IT'S ALL YOUR JOB.

Well some people find it helps pink so rather than judge what you do or don't think is necessary, how about you contribute sensibly to the discussion so the OP feels less stressed and inclined towards profanity?

OP now is the time to sit down with DH and work out a routine, with times, which needs to be adhered to and out him in charge of more than 10mins of it. I have always handed DS over after we finish dinner (we eat together as much as possible) and DH did bath, massage, pjs, story and then I would do last BF and bed. Now DS is older its 50/50 who does bedtime and it's a quick dirt removing shower rather than a bath but it's well established that its DH's responsibility and when DC2 arrives the pair if them will be his responsibility for at least 15mins at some point between 6.45 and 7.15. If you give him a chance to sit down then unless you time it with the end of the programme he's going to zone out - DH was exactly the same until I figured out what was going on and worked round it. Now he gets to switch off half an hour later but we all feel better because the timings work, I don't feel like a nag and he doesn't feel like his relaxing time has been interrupted.

Can you set a repeat alarm on his phone - DS bath time. Then assign it the most irritating tone you can find....

< idly wonders why a poster who is averse to swearing chooses to make first posts on about the only thread in active convos with swearing in the title. Welcome to MN>

Dear pinknassturtium

Try respecting the OP and not co-opting the thread for your own, rather dull, purpose. Finally giving a smidgin of weak advice.

Start your own thread. Something like 'AIBU to think that there are naughty words that MNHQ ought to get their judgy-pants out for'.

Try a bit of respect for the usage of a forum.

Set a daily alarm on his phone.

x post, sizzle.

Yes, you shouldn't be the one to do it, but there you go.

Does he not enjoy giving the baby a bath?

elfy I think pink will claim you're talking bollocks.

Sorry pink but I am aware of my responsibility, as I said, breast feeding every 2-3 hours is intensive. I need my 10 minutes.
As the baby's father, I expect my husband to pull his weight without making me feel like a nag.

We do swear quite a bit, don't be offended, it's just the way we vent. I wouldn't dream of using such language out loud.

I'm not fussed whether people swear or not.

However, one person makes (a not unreasonable) comment regarding the use of swear words and you tell her to go elsewhere? Rude, not helpful to OP (who explained her reasons for swearing fairly well by herself I thought) and completely not respectful. AIBU may be known for "robust replies" but it's not a licence for outright nastiness.

OP - I think you have two options here.

1. Accept that you will always need to tell him when it's bath / bedtime. Stop bring angry about it, save that for important stuff. Don't let the baby get tired & clingy before you shout at your DH to get him in the bath.

1. Talk to your DH about the situation. Ask why he always gets distracted and sidetracked and needs constant reminding. Explain how important that small amount of baby free time is for you (suggest you could use more actually). Not in an accusatory "why do I always have to tell you" way, that'll put his back up and lead to a row probably. Does he have a phone he can set an alarm on for the same time every day?

1 is treating your DH like a toddler, 2 is adult. Whichever type you have, pick the one that will work for you.

The generation that came before us, you mean the 1950's housewife who would never say anything against her husband.

No thanks. Would rather boil my own head.

OP - YANBU.

He is, for example, a twunt.

LTB

FirstWithLTBGetInTiggaxx

PS fuckity fuck fuck

As I said. It just isn't fair. Live with it

Oh dear pink, what an attitude! Here on mn we tend to think of men as equal individuals capable of childcare just as much as women. We tend to frown when they try to shirk their duties.

The lazy fuckers.

He spends more than 10 minutes a day with baby though right? Do you get to go for a nap or visit friends? I used to express and be away. Anywhere. Or even dare I say it hand him a bottle and a carton of breast milk substitute. Only once I'd got dss used to it. But it gave me some freedom to go out or get some rest.

Chipped I often get that.

OP This might not be your circumstances but I found that I rather over micromanaged DH when he was allocated jobs. I didn't really hand over control and after interfering or criticising him he would just give up taking any responsibility. This, in hindsight, was probably fair as what else can you do with a sleep deprived control freak who won't allow you responsibility. It might be worth asking him why and really listening to the answer.

Now my DH is fabulous about getting on with things, even puke and bad-poo (though we both call for back-up where possible) and he supervises most bathing with pre-school but not infant DDs. I still tend to do the lion's share of childcare but then he'll be doing the washing up or other housework. We tend to both work for a phase and then both laze for a bit and that might be part of your problem. I would have been angry if DH had sitting doing nothing while I was dashing around.

Thanks.
Backtracking a bit because I am unreasonably tired & bad tempered tonight.
DH isn't a bad stick, we have a 10 year old too & he is usually in the garage/snuggled on the sofa/ helping with homework/cooking tea with ds1

I'm going to say to dh that bath time is 7, tbh from all the noises, shrieks and giggling coming from the bathroom I can confidently say that they both enjoy bathtime.

Not only am I a gobby northern lass, I am also a tired, crabby northern bird!

I think tell him it is very annoying having to remind him every night to bath the baby

Also a 9mo can def can longer than 2-3 hours between feeds thats like a newborn!!

Is he a hands on dad in other ways? Am wondering if baby is constantly attached to you if he is left feeling like a spare part

You're not unreasonably tired at all. You're understandably so.

Dh is at work in the day, He works long hours, I'm on mat leave still.
Expect him to pull his weight, he is distracted with the routine he has had for 10 years with ds 1 I spose.
He is very hands on with him.

It's good ds1 is getting lots of attention. Maybe you could swap ds's for a couple of hours? You take ds1 somewhere or do you already do that? It'd be a break not having such a dependent dc with you. Maybe go to the cinema once a week? Or something.

Oh it's a WHOLE other thread 're the 2-3 hourly feeding. I'm trying to get my shit together to do some sleep training with him. I'm just too tired at the moment as he is poorly so not sleeping & wanting comfort feeds allot.