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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my friend would STOP telling me how well her baby sleeps

75 replies

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 07/10/2013 11:37

I AM being unreasonable, I know. But Grrrr.... Angry

My friend had a little boy 2 weeks ago, and he sleeps beautifully, only wakes once or twice in the night for a feed, has lovely long naps in the day, and feeds well.

I suffered with both mine - tongue ties and feeding issues, never sleeping, etc etc. am still in the throes of sleep deprivation with 6 month DS who only naps 20 mins at a time and wakes up every 2 hours (or less) at night.

I am very very happy for her, and I'm not wishing for her idyllic baby to change, but AIBU to wish she'd STOP texting me saying 'Ah, DS just had a 3 hour nap after his morning feed', or posting on FB about how she's finding everything soooo easy, keeping her house clean and getting everything done.

It's driving me insane! She knows how knackered I am. Stop with the stealth boasting! It makes me feel shit.

Angry

As you were.

OP posts:
HadALittleFaith · 07/10/2013 11:43

Oh YANBU. We have a variable sleeper. Rubbish napper, very difficult to settle. Total boob monster.

Actually I'd be worried if my 2 week old was only waking once in the night?! Babies aren't designed to go so long without feeding, not when they're that little. In fact DD went through a lovely, long forgotten period of sleeping through from 7 weeks and I contacted the lactation consultant for my PCT because I knew it was abnormal. I'd be tempted to send a few cheeky texts suggesting there's something abnormal! In reality, a gentle conversation about how it's not very helpful to you wouldn't go amiss.

Pride comes before a fall - my friend was always putting rather smug FB posts about how well her DS slept. Now it's moans about how awful he is as a toddler! :)

Bloodsocks · 07/10/2013 11:44

Yanbu. I got my first 2 hours in an evening to myself this week as we have finally managed to get 6 month dd's bedtime to around 7, and since putting her in her own room at the weekend is feeding for an hour or so before sleeping for a couple. She doesn't normally nap longer than half an hour at a time either and my house is a mess,

Just smile and nod. Dd slept through between 4 and 15 weeks then we hit the sleep regression and I've been up every night since so she may only be able to brag for a few weeks more!

Madamnit · 07/10/2013 11:45

YANBU - having had a non sleeping baby (now morphing into a non sleeping toddler)I know how annoying it is when people constantly update you on how their LO is sleeping!! Aghhhh

quoteunquote · 07/10/2013 11:46

Don't worry he will be a vile teenagerGrin

Two weeks you say, well I hope for her sake it lasts.

I hope you get some sleep soon.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 07/10/2013 11:46

Does she text about other stuff not baby related?

I'd assume that she had nothing else to text you about.

Ignore the baby sleepy texts and just respond to proper stuff and she should get the message.

sebsmummy1 · 07/10/2013 11:46

YANBU I can't stand stealth bragged on Facebook.

To be fair I doubt your friend knows her posts are making you feel stabby, but still, she should have a little more sensitivity to how your feeling currently to not stealth brag text you!!!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/10/2013 11:47

YANBU

Just ignore and withdraw.

jacks365 · 07/10/2013 11:48

Mine were quite sleepy for the first 2/3 weeks but by 4/5 weeks it was all changed and they were awake much more. Just bide your time it'll soon all change for her.

Yanbu

Fakebook · 07/10/2013 11:48

2 weeks? She's still on a high I bet. She may come crashing down back to earth and I think you should be a good friend and not be smug if she does. This happened to me with DS, he developed reflux and this distressed him a lot and that stressed me out for a good month and a half. Once his reflux was cured he went back to the good baby he was.

Original poster
SayCoolNowSayWhip · 07/10/2013 11:49

I texted her back with a little jokey 'Wish mine would do the same'.

She did reply saying that he had been up between 3 and 5 which made me feel much better Grin

I am a horrible, horrible person.

I would not wish sleep deprivation on anyone!

OP posts:
MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 07/10/2013 11:50

I am a horrible, horrible person.

Nah. You're totally normal.

Wink
sebsmummy1 · 07/10/2013 12:30

I'm slowly withdrawing from one of my mummy friends as I cannot deal with the constant Facebook updates of where there are, how much fun they are having, what milestone her son has broken early etc.

I know it is totally me and not her and she is a nice person and I am just feeling bitter and twisted ATM. But for my own sanity I had to take a step back.

froken · 07/10/2013 12:50

I would also be worried about a baby sleeping so long! Ihope your sleep situation improves soon :)

Stealmysunshine · 07/10/2013 12:50

It's only been 2 weeks, give it time!!

When DS was 2 weeks he was great at napping in the day and would be up 2/3 times a night. 2 months later he would sleep through, now at 5 months he has 20 min naps and is again waking up 2/3 times a night!!

Once she stops texting you you'll know things have Changed!!

Yonididnaedaethat · 07/10/2013 12:55

Ah I remember when my baby was a perfect newborn.........fast forward to the point where he got to big for the Moses basket and I've had nothing but sleep problems!. 18 months now and he still doesn't go to sleep before 10.30Hmm

mistyshouse · 07/10/2013 12:56

oh god smug people like that PISS ME RIGHT OFF

hope your baby sleeps soon x

PlayedThePinkOboe · 07/10/2013 13:01

Tbh YAB a little bit U.

I got bored to hell of my fellow mums continuously whining about how hard it was. Whine, whine, whine, whinge, whinge, gripe. What did they think they were having? A baby or an Hermes?

I was sick to the back teeth of the moaning - everyone was so busy complaining I wondered if they ever stopped to enjoy their babies.

(The other side of the fence)

thebody · 07/10/2013 13:05

oh fucking ignore her op.

if she thinks she's got parenthood problems sorted in 2 weeks she's in for a bloody massive shock.

it's when you are at your most smug that kids bite you on the arse.

bide your time. hope you get some sleep.

ButteryJam · 07/10/2013 13:29

YANBU. When people moan to me about their LO and lack of sleep etc, I have to bite my tongue, and not tell them how lucky they are in comparison to what I'm going through.

Original poster
SayCoolNowSayWhip · 07/10/2013 13:33

Well tbh PinkOboe, it IS bloody difficult. I don't actually enjoy it that much.

I find the solidarity of fellow parents complaining a comfort. Much better than smug stealth boasting.

To me, it's like saying to someone with a massive hangover, 'Stop complaining, you shouldn't have drunk so much' when you know they're just going to go and get wankered again.

That analogy made way more sense in my head....

OP posts:
dietcokeandwine · 07/10/2013 13:39

Not being unreasonable at all, OP. Or a horrible person either!

Just wait till her wonderfully 'easy' baby hits the 3 week growth spurt, and then the six week one, etc etc etc. Then wait some more, till her baby's sleep cycles become more clearly defined at around the three month stage and he does 45 mins maximum for a nap and that's just if she's lucky. And then sit back and wait for the four month growth spurt, and prepare to be all sympathy and smiles!

Honestly, lots of babies seem easy in the first couple of weeks (obviously lots of others aren't especially if there are feeding issues etc). I have had three who all pretty much slept and fed for the first two weeks. It doesn't last!

youretoastmildred · 07/10/2013 13:44

yanbu. block her.

Seriously you can still be her friend without having her fb updates in your timeline. I have turned off my smuggest boastiest friend. It is very soothing, the silence of not having to hear about her perfect life any more. She doesn't know - she doesn't expect a response to any of this. it is just how she likes to boom her personality out to the universe and has no interest in anyone's reaction to it

campion · 07/10/2013 13:53

It's probably a little bit jaundiced still or is destined to be a very dull person Wink

She won't tell you if when any problems start so just ignore her.
YANBU to be pissed off though.

PeterParkerSays · 07/10/2013 14:01

"I've just been reading about the 4 month sleep regression; it's really interesting" Then sit back and watch her sweat. Cow.

1st rule of motherhood, you STFU if your child sleeps well until asked so as not to rub it in the noses of other sleep deprived mothers

SparkleToffee · 07/10/2013 14:17

if she thinks she's got parenthood problems sorted in 2 weeks she's in for a bloody massive shock.

what thebody says......

She might be one of the really lucky ones who has a brilliant sleeper from birth / a few weeks, but I doubt it....... And your right to feel annoyed. If she is lucky enough to have a baby who does that she should thank her lucky stars and realise how it is down to luck and nothing to do with her!

I hate parental stealth boasters too...... The kind of people who treat having a baby like another job with goals to achieve. My DS was a shocking shocking sleeper and I had one friend whose baby was much better than DS. However DS potty trained in a weekend (I have no idea how) and almost a year after she started with DD she was still carrying spare pants and wiping wee off slides..........

A well sleeping baby does not mean you are destined to find the "whole of parenting" easy!

Hope your baby sleeps soon