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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish my friend would STOP telling me how well her baby sleeps

75 replies

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 07/10/2013 11:37

I AM being unreasonable, I know. But Grrrr....

My friend had a little boy 2 weeks ago, and he sleeps beautifully, only wakes once or twice in the night for a feed, has lovely long naps in the day, and feeds well.

I suffered with both mine - tongue ties and feeding issues, never sleeping, etc etc. am still in the throes of sleep deprivation with 6 month DS who only naps 20 mins at a time and wakes up every 2 hours (or less) at night.

I am very very happy for her, and I'm not wishing for her idyllic baby to change, but AIBU to wish she'd STOP texting me saying 'Ah, DS just had a 3 hour nap after his morning feed', or posting on FB about how she's finding everything soooo easy, keeping her house clean and getting everything done.

It's driving me insane! She knows how knackered I am. Stop with the stealth boasting! It makes me feel shit.

As you were.

OP posts:

Melonbreath · 07/10/2013 15:04

Yanbu with a capital YANBU
I remember a few months ago when dd decided to have screaming non sleeping fits from 2am until 6 and she was up for the day at half 7. A friend texted me saying, wow. Ds did 13 hours of sleep in one go.
If I could have dived down the phone to kill her I would have.

violator · 07/10/2013 15:09

YANBU.
I had a similar friend. She'd moan that she had to wake her daughter at 9.30am because, like, the morning "was practically gone" and she wanted to go out.
Meanwhile I was ready for lunch at 9.30am having been up most of the night and for the day at 4.30am.

The same friend is due No2 any day now. We'll see if its the same this time.

everlong · 07/10/2013 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 07/10/2013 15:11

She's two weeks in... Things can turn on a sixpence at that age, she's got no more guarantee of that continuing than you have of your situation not being resolved tomorrow!

BaronessBomburst · 07/10/2013 15:13

DS was a good sleeper for the first three months, and then again from about three years old. What happened for the two and three quarter years in between is another matter! I'm still recovering.

Googlella · 07/10/2013 15:13

He's only 2 weeks old - definitely not out of the woods yet!

HeffalumpTheFlump · 07/10/2013 15:13

I fear things may change in the next few weeks. My friends baby slept like an angel for the first three, but now at 5 weeks old it has all gone up the spout. My friend is now feeling like she jinxed it by saying what a great sleeper she was!!

Yanbu, fb posts are one thing, but texting you to tell you about it is a tad annoying!

Jengnr · 07/10/2013 15:14

Two weeks in she's probably trying to put on a front about how well she's coping. For the first couple of months I put make up on every day just to look good and show I could cope.

Now I'm more confident in my skills I'm back to being a scrubber :)

Zara1984 · 07/10/2013 15:17

Pride comes before a massive fall... Just ignore her OP. She will soon discover it's not all plain sailing!

Totally agree on the STFU until asked about good sleeping. Otherwise it's just rude and rubbing it in. (I say that as the parent of an excellent sleeper, so I shut my yap on the topic generally)

sashh · 07/10/2013 15:18

OK, not a parent so I have maybe got this wrong but.

If you are a new mum and your baby is asleep why the hell are you on facebook?

There are two things this reminds me of

the saying "hungry children talk about food"

and

the parent who assured my mother her little boy never had accidents and she couldn't cope with a child (me) who was still having them at 4.

She may have been telling the truth, but for some reason she would do a wash of just the little boy's pyjamas and bedding.

Zara1984 · 07/10/2013 15:19

Also I am firmly of the belief that anyone who says how easy it is during the first two months is (1) extremely lucky or (2) lying.

Usually the second one I find....

toobreathless · 07/10/2013 15:24

Karma will bite her on the butt.

And you sound lovely.

(YANBU)

Original poster

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 07/10/2013 15:26

Aargh. She just texted me AGAIN to say how wonderful her new baby sling is, and that her DS has slept beautifully in it while she has done the housework.

AIBU to ask her to come round and do MINE?

OP posts:

roundtable · 07/10/2013 15:32

Yes get her to do yours! Op, as a mum of a fellow non sleeper, you have my sympathy.

If she's not normally like this I'd put it down to her wanting to share the joy. Keep up the realism, she'll join in eventually.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 07/10/2013 15:32

Zara my 3rd was easy for the first 4 weeks, we went on holiday with him and everything, he was no bother, mostly slept, fed well, was the only 1 of my 3 not to have a tongue tie, therefore not to be constantly vomiting back milk because of swallowing air with it... after DC1 who didn't sleep at all unless held upright for her first 3 months, and who brought up what appeared to be litres of breast milk, and DC2 who was a "normal" baby, easier than DC1 but woke frequently and also did the sick thing, I thought bah, 3 is easy...

Little did I know that after 4 weeks of age he was never planning to sleep again for TWO YEARS!

She is counting her chickens. You should suck your teeth and tut (when you read her texts not to her face) secure in the knowledge that she hasn't yet got a clue what may be around the corner...

Ragwort · 07/10/2013 15:33

She sounds a really dull friend if she bothers to put that sort of stuff in a text - I'd get some new friends if I was you .

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 07/10/2013 15:37

last paragraph was to staycool* btw - the parents of good sleepers who are smug about it are the most infuriating people on earth to parents who haven't slept through the night in 8 years months, but at only 2 weeks old she is still in the honeymoon period, it could so easily all go horribly wrong.

Also children who sleep very deeply and well and through the night from day dot are usually still in night nappies when they start school, and longer. OK not always, and it doesn't actually matter yadda yadda, but deep sleepers don't wake as easily at night, so just take comfort from the fact she'll be less smug and go a bit quiet on matters of night time dryness, which is also an area on which parents stealth boast and make others feel rubbish, when in fact it is not down to great parenting v poor, it is just nature.

MortifiedAdams · 07/10/2013 15:37

TBH I find that when people are excessively vocal about how well their parenting/relationships/job/etc is going, its usually a smokescreen or through a lack of security.

Shes probably up every 30mins.

Pawprint · 07/10/2013 15:41

Oh I know how you feel. Ds was the most appalling sleeper (or non sleeper) for a very long time. There was a woman at my post natal group who bragged about how much her baby slept. It broke my heart and I felt such a failure :(

Soon, however, the honeymoon period ended and she was at her wits end because the Perfect Baby became the most hellish toddler you have ever met.

Original poster

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 07/10/2013 15:46

She's a sweet girl and I know she doesn't mean it maliciously, but there's definitely an undertone of 'this parenting malarkey is easy - don't know what SayCool is on about'....

I've been telling her for 2 years, i.e. how long Ive know her, all about how difficult it is, and how sleep deprived one can get etc etc and I feel like..... Whatever the opposite of vindicated is!

I'm pretty sure I'm not making any sense. I'll hand the phone to 6mo DS because he's not bloody going to sleep He'll make more sense.

OP posts:

Yawner247 · 07/10/2013 15:47

Yanbu at all haaaaaate boastful parents...both my children have been terrible nappers max of thirty mins and waking through the night!!! Dd slept through from nine months and I'm hoping Ds follows this pattern too!!!

TheABC · 07/10/2013 15:48

Definitely insecure. Her time will come. Personally, if had a sleeper like that, I would be on the sofa with the hobnobs - not doing the housework. YANBU.

TartyMcTart · 07/10/2013 16:54

Two weeks in she's probably trying to put on a front about how well she's coping. For the first couple of months I put make up on every day just to look good and show I could cope

But you do know that some people can cope and actually don't find the first few weeks hell on earth? It wasn't a walk in the park for me but really not as bad as I'd have believed if I'd read some of the comments on here first!

Seriously2712 · 07/10/2013 17:03

I just don't understand some people! My dd slept very well from about 6wks, but I've always been careful not to rub it in others' faces. The weeks when she didn't sleep well were horrendous, sleep deprivation is hell! All I know is hearing about how well others babies slept would've left me raging!!!! Plus... I've always been careful not to take her great sleeping for granted, she could change at any point! ;-)

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 07/10/2013 17:03

Tarty but presumably you didn't text friends who had found it hard daily to tell them what a doddle it was for you? IMO the first months are easy or hard based 90% on whether you get a baby who sleeps and / or feeds well (assuming no health or PND issue) - in the first Weeks and months that is utterly luck of the draw.

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