To hate being an introvert in an extroverts world?

[LittleMissGerardLouiseButler]

It's such hard work being an introvert, I would love to be more confident and social.

We went round to some of my OH's friends on Saturday evening with the kids, they had a great time playing.

I just spent the time feeling awkward and hardly getting a word in edge ways and eating all the Pringles

I just hate being like this, and I wish I could be more pushy, be able to say no etc.

I suppose its as much a self esteem issue?

I do think its an extroverts world though even though there must be quite a few of us introverts?

I love that Saucy :o

One of the key things about saying no is to realise they dont mind as much as you would.

Before I ask for something, I have to really, really want it, as the introvert/people pleaser in me will do anything to avoid asking in the first place. If I am turned down, I feel very upset.

Other people will ask with much less thought and will care much less if you say no.

A natural introvert and somewhat lacking in self esteem, I have learnt to say no, to set boundaries and found people have to respect it, though they may not like it. I had to grow in confidence to care less what people would think of me if I said "no".

As a child I loved reading books. I had friends but enjoyed shutting myself off.

As a teenager I hated being an introvert and tried and failed to change. I had a friend who was the life and soul of the party and I wished I had it in me to be the same. I saw myself as boring and tended to get over looked in group settings.

As an adult I realised that I had to accept myself;that although I got along with people I also enjoyed time alone. I much prefer socialising in small groups.

Even in my home, dh and dd may be watching a film in the lounge and I may swan off into the kitchen or bedroom to be alone.

A colleague once said that I do not talk much about my family members- the truth is some people are always talking about every inch of their life and they allow you no room. I will not fight to speak.

The whole point about being an introvert is that you're NOT a 'people pleaser', surely?

I get a bit pissed off by the assumption that introverts are all shy, retiring, socially inept types.

IME, the socially awkward people are more likely to be thwarted extroverts - they desperately want to be liked and included, whereas your true introvert is just counting the minutes till she can get back to her book.

I can assure you I am an introvert and a people pleaser!

I accept everyone is different and now know being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean being shy.

There is nothing wrong with being either, but I think if you are quiet you are looked upon as being unusual.

Being a "People Pleaser" has nothing to do with being an introvert or an extrovert. It has to do with being a people pleaser.

Bucket

That's what DS is like. He likes people, in small number and small doses, but alone with his thoughts and his Lego is where he's happiest

I'm loving the extrovert bashing on this thread. Loud, arrogant, pushy, noisy, rude are we?

We have a mixture in my family. I am irritating and talk a lot. Just as irritating are people who take ages to 'get a word in' and sit looking offended that no one will wait for them to drop their pearls of wisdom. My FIL wants us all to wait while he formulates his thoughts and not move on, ever. It's attention seeking.

It's not an introvert/extrovert thing. It's a a selfish thing. Some introverts are, some extroverts are.

By the way, further to MrsTP's point, the loudest most obnoxious person I know? Is actually an introvert.

Behaviour is not defined by being an introvert or an extrovert. It is simply the way you gain your energy/recharge your personal batteries.

Tee

I agree with that. DS2 is an extrovert - but less self-confident than DS2. He just enjoys other people's company and is energised by it.

than DS1

I'm an introvert, and I'm also shy.

It's a pain in the butt. I honestly wish I was one of those people who think, "Yippee! A party! Lots of lovely new exciting people to meet."

I don't think of extroverts in a bad way at all, I see them as social, able to say no, can be pushy in a good way, confident. All things I would like to be.

I'm not saying introverts are none of those things, but I'm not.

Hackmum

Ewwwww

I think I give a good impression of an extrovert but I'm actually more introverted. Hate parties. Don't really like dinner parties with more than 4 people, including me and DH. Leave parties as soon as I can

There does seem to be resentment on here of people that are not shy. That is not helpful if as a more introverted person you wish to be more confident in social situations then being casually dismissive of 'loudmouths' seems counter productive.

Rude behaviour is not helpful, drunk people tend to talk too much and over each other (i have to be careful of that), but an introvert can be guilty of that. When i was little i spoke to everyone, about everything that i found interesting, i did not worry about whether they were interested, or if my Mum wanted our address and our plans for the day broadcast on the bus by a 3 yo with a fog horn voice! Then i grew up, became a self concious teenager, blushing, learning social norms and listening skills. I am extroverted by nature but that does not prevent me from getting tongue tied, shy and bumbling in situations where i am self concious. Shyness can be overcome, managed and used to make your social interactions more equal, being a loudmouth is a choice (over the age of three) and shows a lack of social skills not simply an extrovert.

So endeth the lesson