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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to have just completely lost it with DS1?

33 replies

NellysKnickers · 06/10/2013 20:50

I think I was and now feel dreadful. DH is out, I have just finished a mound of ironing and came up to put it away, DS1 is in his room reading. I go in to put his washing away and everything he has been playing with had just been shoved to one side of his room, I couldnt even get to his wardrobe. He knows on a Monday that I hoover and wash floors so Sunday nights everything had to be put away.
I just lost it, and was shouting as I was chucking everything in the big baskets where all his toys are kept. Two of his favourites got broken, he is distraught, absolutely heartbroken. I feel dreadful, really shouldn't have got so angry over a few toys. Although its an ongoing battle, he's got he biggest room and loads of storage but he does have the airing cupboard in his room and I'm constantly standing on bloody lego and suchlike when putting away towels and linen.
I've called dh and told him to try and find replacements before he comes home, he thinks it will teach ds a lesson but I just feel like an utter cunt. Ds is 8 and a lovely sweet kind boy, he just doesn't listen. Gosh, sorry for the essay, if you have read this far do you think IWBU?

OP posts:

CreatureRetorts · 06/10/2013 20:53

Well yes YABU but it's done now. Have a chat with ds and apologise.

CrohnicallyLurking · 06/10/2013 20:54

Yes, YABU to have lost it.

However, maybe it will teach him a lesson? When I was little, my mum had a rule that anything not tidied up when asked (we had to tidy up once a week like your DS) went in the bin. I only lost one favourite toy before I learned to tidy up when asked.

YouTheCat · 06/10/2013 20:55

If he'd put the toys away, they wouldn't be broken.

throwinshapes · 06/10/2013 20:55

It's human to sometimes lose it in the heat of the moment. I do it and then despair of myself.
So I always apologise after.

Original poster

NellysKnickers · 06/10/2013 20:57

He's asleep now but we did have a cuddle and a long chat and I apologised, he said he was "sad and disappointed"

OP posts:

Rosa · 06/10/2013 20:58

Keep the replacements and see if he does tidy up .... maybe apologise for your outbreak but maybe it might have sunk in.

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 06/10/2013 20:59

We all lose it sometimes, so please don't beat yourself up. You didn't mean to break his toys it was an accident. Give him a cuddle and an apology, he will be ok.

nurseneedshelp · 06/10/2013 21:00

Please don't beat yourself up over it!
We're all human and lose the plot sometimes.

If it makes him clear his stuff away then it'll be worth it.

It's done now, have a glass of wine and chill......

BrokenSunglasses · 06/10/2013 21:02

Did you tell him to tidy up today? If you told him earlier to tidy up, then YANBU to be annoyed, although it does sound like you went too far.

If you were just expecting it to be tidy because he knows he's supposed to keep it tidy, YABU. He's 8.

Either way, you should apologise to him. You shouldn't have broken his things in rage, and that will not teach him a lesson that you want him to learn. Do you think it's reasonable for someone to break your favourite things because you made a mistake? No, it wouldn't be, so you owe him an apology. But use it as a time to explain that actions have consequences and the consequence of his room being a mess was your anger, although you should have controlled your anger better.

NotYoMomma · 06/10/2013 21:02

did you even ask him to put it away before throwing stuff around and breaking it?

must have been scary if he had just been sat reading tbh

Original poster

NellysKnickers · 06/10/2013 21:03

Thanks for kind replies. No replacements found tonight. Ah well, a lesson learnt for both of us.

OP posts:

Whereisegg · 06/10/2013 21:09

Oh dear, I think replacing the toys should depend on if he had recently been reminded that it's Sunday and his floor needs to be clear for the morning.

I am in my thirties and still get lost in books even though I have loads of other stuff I should be doing, so I have some sympathy if he is like that with reading too.

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2013 21:12

We all lose it sometimes OP

But this sounds like a major overreaction to a child's untidy room.

Is everything else ok if this is out of character for you?

You're lucky your female as that normally gets more sympathy on MN.

If you were a man, you'd most likely have been called an abusive cunt with control issues by at least a couple of posters by now.

Original poster

NellysKnickers · 06/10/2013 21:16

Yes, he knew to tidy, I think that's another reason why I got so cross, I'm constantly reminding him to do things, yesterday it was to get dressed as we were going out. I had to ask him to do it about 6 times. I understand he gets lost in his games, reading etc but its so frustrating, ds2 is a real challenge at the moment so its all the more tricky.

OP posts:

GangstersLoveToDance · 06/10/2013 21:18

Yabu to have overreacted over a fairly minor issue.

Show me a parent who never has and I'll show you a fucking liar

Original poster

NellysKnickers · 06/10/2013 21:20

Maybe I do have a few control issues Worra and like things done my way. I know I should try to chill a bit, that's what I'm upset about, but then the other part of me thinks he's not a baby, he's old enough to tidy his room when asked. Repeatedly.

OP posts:

moldingsunbeams · 06/10/2013 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2013 21:24

I know it's annoying OP...I have 3 DS and one of them in particular was a nightmare at remembering things.

You're right he's not a baby, but he is an 8 year old child and some of them tend to forget things that aren't immediately important to them.

Perhaps in future it might be an idea to go up to his room during the day, tell him to stop what he's doing and tell him to tidy up right now.

Then check on him 10 mins later to make sure he's actually doing it.

Some kids are just like that, and they do need to be told to do it now.

JumpingJackSprat · 06/10/2013 21:26

dont beat yourself up and dont replace the toys. he should have put them away when asked and its not unreasonable foran 8yo to be able to understand this. never mind him being sad and disappointed with you, what did he say about not having done as he was asked?!

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2013 21:26

I would say your sorry for yelling but are sorry you are disappointed too that it took you to get so upset for him to listen.

No way. I disagree with this ^^ entirely.

That sounds like you're blaming an 8yr old for an adult losing their temper and throwing toys with such force, that she managed to break 2 of them.

The OP is responsible for her own temper, not her child.

NotYoMomma · 06/10/2013 21:30

I'm with worra's last post.
ridiculous thing to say to a child.

I'm sorry 'but' is the most frustrating non apology ever

its like 'im sorry you are upset' rather than 'im sorry I have upset you', a particular hatred of mine

Donkeyok · 06/10/2013 21:32

It was a normal 'meltdown'. I had one today and put the outside catch on the dc shared bedroom door. I needed to get out of there before I lost it.I said they couldn't come out for 30 mins. I said if they didn't clear up and throw out 25 toys for charity shop I would come and take the first 25 I felt like. I went away and had a cup of coffee and when I went to check up on them 15 mins later they asked for an extra half hour to finish. I took the catch off and returned to an immaculate sorted bedroom 1hour later. My ds 8 couldnt have done it without his older ds 11 organising it and making it fun for him. I wasn't fun mum that morning but have been in a good mood all day because they sorted it.

cardibach · 06/10/2013 21:34

Worra the OP is responsible for her temper, yes, but it isn't unreasonable to expect an 8 year old to tidy up toys when asked, so she would be quite reasonable to tell him she was disappointed.

SeaSickSal · 06/10/2013 21:34

Do you think there was an underlying reason?

Are you struggling with the housework at the moment? Are you feeling depressed or under stress?

It must have been frightening for him. It's probably not actually him you're angry it, so don't take it out on him. You need to resolve your anger or focus it in the right direction.

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2013 21:34

There's no such thing as a normal meltdown

Unless you're normalising shouting loudly at children and throwing objects across the room?

Frustration is normal of course

But behaviour like this is not

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