To be a bit annoyed at DH because of this?

[Madratlady]

I'm totally prepared to be told IABU, I have a feeling I am a bit anyway.

A couple of weeks ago I had a bad cold. I'm 6 months pregnant and have PGP as well so I felt like death but I went to work for 3 12 hour shifts in a row, in a demanding job, anyway, because we need the money and I wouldn't have got any sick pay.

DH then caught my cold. He also felt terrible but took 3 days off. He also doesn't get paid for not being at work so we're now short of money which I was relying on to pay the bills. We're currently clearing debts from me being out of work for 3 months (I got a new job after 10 days but CRB checks etc delayed me starting). He works 8-4 and has a laid back job in IT.

And just to make it worse the tumble dryer is on it's last legs and the washer isn't much better so we'll need to find more money. I'm stressing cos we can't make ends meet and it's going to carry over into next month cos I'll have t use money I was going to put away towards bills at the beginning of next month to pay off the last of the things we owe this month. And I'm struggling at work due to PGP and could really do with stopping for maternity leave a few weeks earlier than my original goal of 38 weeks but I don't want to because we need the money I earn.

I know none of that last paragraph is DH's fault by the way, I'm just stressed and £300 isn't money we can afford to not have just because he had a cold.

OP, come back to this thread when you find yourself sick as a dog and having to take time off, becuase you didn't let your body have a rest.

Also, if a person is ill and says they needs a rest, it is better to believe them rather than assume you know their bodies better than they do.

YABU, although I sympathise with your situation.

Good lord we are only talking about a cold here, not the plague!

Believe me I'd rather not have gone to work for he few days I felt ill but we just aren't in a position to lose any pay right now.

AnyFucker I didn't post this in Relationships on purpose, last time I posted about a fairly minor issue with my otherwise lovely dh I got told by several people to LTB! This is pretty trivial anyway, although I'm a little surprised how many people think it's ok to take so much time off with a common cold.

Alibaba He has a reasonably well paid job and has worked hard to get to the level he is at and hopes to keep working his way up. Trouble is it's a temporary contract which means no holiday pay and no sick pay. The main problem is the financial hole we got into when I was out of work and having to catch up with things we couldn't afford to pay then.

Well done for soldiering on OP and hope you sort out your finances. Good luck with the baby.

If you were told to LTB, they may have had a point. OP

Never mind, post in AIBU instead and get told you are a horrible partner who needs to cut your man some slack and make him more sandwiches or summat...your choice.

Jag, your attempts to seek my attention are looking a trifle pathetic.

Oh I can see the bitterness from here!

get told you are a horrible partner who needs to cut your man some slack and make him more sandwiches or summat...your choice

No one said that as far as I can see.

I can understand that the OP's feeling stressed by this but we don't know how relatively ill each of them felt/were. It's pretty shitty when you don't get sick pay. I must admit that though I do get sick pay I'd be in work unless I couldn't physically drag myself there. After a month off for an operation my job might be at risk if I'm off again.

OP, why is not ok or you to take time off sick for a cold, but ok for him. Neither of you got paid for the sick time.

That simple sentence means YANBU. It is quite simple. Not difficult at all.

*for you

Three days is way too much time off, even if you did get paid. Though maybe we need to know what his symptoms were!

Is his job secure, why is no sick pay given?
Perhaps he can find ways to cut back, to help make up the shortfall?

YABU, he wasn't well, he may well have felt he couldn't keep going. He isn't having a go at you for being short because you lost your job so you shouldn't be having a go at him because you lost money from him being off sick. Which he could have done because I really don't see why you couldn't have done a few temp jobs just doing admin or something while you waited for the checks to come through.

You can do without a tumble dryer for a while, use the radiators.

Adults have choices. Sounds like the op choose to soilder on through her cold, he didn't.

3 days with a cold is tons, especially if unpaid. Winter hasn't even started yet - how many days will he be off then?! I don't blame you for being stressed about money if neither of you get sick pay. That's very harsh. YANBU.

AnyFucker There do seem to be a few people on Relationships who always say LTB. Dh and I have a great relationship and I'm very happy with him. I certainly wouldn't have planned to have a baby if that wasn't the case.

I'm a bit surprised that so many people would take several days off to get over a cold but it would appear that I'm the unusual one for just carrying on as normal.

AnyFucker where did we get the idea that the DH said that she had to go to work? The OP made that decision not him. For all we know he could have been perfectly happy for her to take time off.

It's not on really, when things are tough for her he's supported her during 3 months off but she's begrudging him 3 days off?

I suspect there may be some tension here because the OP knows that her decision to take gardening leave while waiting for the CRB clearance is what actually caused the problems and she's just grabbing whatever chance she has of blaming him.

Oh ok. My DH is an IT contractor. He has to be on his knees before he takes a day off ill because he doesn't get paid if he isn't doing the job, obviously.

If you have an 8-4 job then you take some drugs to get through the day and make sure you are in bed an hour after getting home from work.

On reading it does sound like a long time for a cold but some PEOPLE (not just men, let's make that clear) get it worse than others.

Thing is, it's done. Is he aware of the impact 300 has on the household finances? Talk about it.

How are you going to cope on maternity?

It isn't a "decision" to take gardening leave while a CRB check comes through. You are not allowed to work. Full stop.

I think I am not best suited to AIBU. It seems like a parallel universe to me.

Op, all the best.

AF, you are almost comical, frothing and harrumphing and hating with such commitment.

Did your partner encourage you to go in, suggest you don't go in or trust that if you went in it was because you felt well enough/was neutral/left you to be a martyr?

You can work elsewhere, somewhere you don't need a crb to tide you over. Technically speaking.

You're not unusual, OP. I go to work with a cold, as do most people I know. No-one around me would take 3 days off unless it was proper full-on flu and they had to go back to bed.

SeaSickSal what's the 'her decision to take gardening leave' all about? That's hardly what happened if she had a job but was waiting for clearance to start.

He has a job in IT. Unless his illness was likely to lead to a stock market crash or ground several airlines, he could have made it through the day.

Mistress a typical cold - runny/ blocked nose and sore throat.
His job isn't a permanent contract which is why he isn't paid for any time not at work.

Seasick and where do these mythical admin jobs that someone with no admin experience can walk into actually exist? Because I certainly couldn't find anyone who wanted to employ me for a few weeks without experience in that role. Ditto bar work. A CRB usually takes 4 weeks at most, it's very unusual for it to take 10.