AIBU to collect those back-handed compliments?

[oldgrandmama]

I want to make a collection of MNetters’ back-handed compliments. I’ll start off with some I’ve received:

Cheeky painter doing my kitchen: ‘Oldgrandma, you must have been quite attractive when you were much younger …’ [Bastard! It was the ‘quite’ that got me]

Yummy mummy type friend of a friend, looking at my hair: ‘I didn’t realise you could still get perms like that – very ‘retro’.’ Oldgrandmama: ‘Er, my hair’s naturally curly.’

Seven year old grandkid: ‘We’re doing the Romans at school. I told my teacher you’d be really good to come and give a talk on what it was like to live in those times.’

Disastrous blind date with repugnant bloke – after a couple of drinks, I politely asked what time his train left. Repugnant bloke, leering: ‘Aren’t we going back to your place?’
Oldgrandmama: ‘No chance.’
Repugnant bloke: ‘I don’t mind banging old women. And anyway, at your age, how many more chances do you think you’ll get?’

"Isn't it wonderful that you don't feel the need to put your post on the right topic, eg chat. You're a free spirit"

A conversation with a friend when I curled my hair

"Oh your curls look nice."
"Thanks!"
"Is it permanent?"
"Nah just temporary."
"Phew!"

Get enough of these, you could write a book, with the chapters being different categories of contributing twerps and unthinking/innocent friends/family.

Sorry, Peppi ... I thought topic would be OK here, along with 'racist cats' etc. [creeps away to weep and beat saggy breast]

Horrible bitch at work, looking me up and down - "Feather. Have you lost weight?" Me: "yes, 3 and a half stone". Bitch: "you can tell. Your tits have vanished."

Actually gave her a round of applause for that one!

These are all from my sister, she is EPIC at them:

I wish I could be more like you, you really don't care that your house is a mess and your kids are scruffy.

That dress is beautiful, you look amazing! Wedding dresses are always SO flattering, they make anyone look gorgeous.

I wish we had a little house like yours, ours is such hard work to keep clean. Not that you bother.

I think this counts as one:

Ex's sister: "Well, A (ex's ex) was really pretty, of course, but what he really needs is someone intellectual like you who's on his level."

(I was, I should stress, considerably brighter than the bloke in question. )

And there's always the classic "I'd hate to ruin our friendship with sex," line.

My mother was an expert at the back-handed compliment, so now they just slide off my back. She specialised in the "softening starter" e.g.

You look nice today .... I don't know why you don't take the trouble more often/what a change from all that black/so you do possess a skirt ...

Oh I like that hairdo .... I hate those scrunchy things you usually wear

Well done (on getting a degree at 35) .... of course Psychology is quite an easy subject

When I was at school 'You are looking quite pretty now you've come out of your awkward stage' - from very pretty best friend. Cow.

Where is there a thread about a racist cat, please? I need this in my life.

My mother "nice top floopy, alright it would look much better with a bra"

I was wearing a bra

Mil whilst I had dd on my lap: oh she's smiling at me. She obviously takes after her father and will be kind.

You're so lucky to have curly hair - you don't have to bother keeping it neat.

(I kind of agree with this)

Aaaaah you gotta laugh at these dick wads who come out with this tripe

mother, on coming to see me act in a play "I think you'd make a really great director"
Mother, on coming to my university graduation "You are friends with some lovely girls, it's lucky they like you"
Oh, mother again, on meeting a very pretty, feminine girl I was in a play with "You're just totally opposite to her aren't you. "

Ex bf - "It's great going out with you, I always used to go for really pretty girls so it's nice to have someone different"

runs off to cry

When you remove the sting from the "compliment" and think yeah actually I'm not going to let that have a major impact on my life I think you can really turn it round to a positive. Being on the receiving end of this cunty behaviour certainly makes you mindfull about how words can effect others and encourages you to get your brain in gear before opening your mouth.

Chatting & laughing with young woman on the tills in B&Q thinking "I've still got it!!" when she then says "Oh, you're just like my Dad...."

Skulked off home for a cuddle, DW still takes the mick now....

I'm not sure whether I like those shoes or whether they make you look disabled (thank you, mother).

Evil girl at disco c.1983: Nice top...I liked it last week, too.

My mum: Have you done something different with your make-up Min, you look nice today.

I did actually pull her up on that one, but I'm just soooo over-sensitive…

On telling a friend that I was taking the Pill: "Really? Why do YOU need it?!" To be fair, I think this was thoughtless rather than snidey. It came from a male friend who'd previously declined my clumsy advances.

"You're very pretty...to me"

Ah, just realised that previous wasn't really a backhanded compliment. Someone once described my size 16 friend as "certainly a well-rounded lady! Snigger..." I told them to fuck off, naturally.

"I admire you for not really caring how you look"