AIBU to collect those back-handed compliments?

[oldgrandmama]

I want to make a collection of MNetters’ back-handed compliments. I’ll start off with some I’ve received:

Cheeky painter doing my kitchen: ‘Oldgrandma, you must have been quite attractive when you were much younger …’ [Bastard! It was the ‘quite’ that got me]

Yummy mummy type friend of a friend, looking at my hair: ‘I didn’t realise you could still get perms like that – very ‘retro’.’ Oldgrandmama: ‘Er, my hair’s naturally curly.’

Seven year old grandkid: ‘We’re doing the Romans at school. I told my teacher you’d be really good to come and give a talk on what it was like to live in those times.’

Disastrous blind date with repugnant bloke – after a couple of drinks, I politely asked what time his train left. Repugnant bloke, leering: ‘Aren’t we going back to your place?’
Oldgrandmama: ‘No chance.’
Repugnant bloke: ‘I don’t mind banging old women. And anyway, at your age, how many more chances do you think you’ll get?’

[Albertschair]

Although it does show those of us who are still quite new that even 5 years ago the snark response to those deemed to be posting in the wrong place was quite strong

[LemonShark]

I'd start a new thread Mona, you won't get much advice on this one as it's several years old and you're always better off having your own thread so people can see your situation and reply to you :)

[M0na1isa]

Any tips cos after 20 years of marriage to her son and 4 children later despite putting career on halt for at leats a decade to rear her only grandchildren she completely ignores me puts me down whilst sucking up to her other daughter in law in front of me even though she treats her other son really badly and controls him

[M0na1isa]

and MIL of course!

[M0na1isa]

searching via backhanded comments

[LemonShark]

I have to ask cos I'm so curious Mona... how did you find this thread?

[M0na1isa]

Oh and that's despite mentioning it before at a wedding and knowing that comment made me upset. When all i was wearing was 1 inch kitty heals with an italian shaped front sandle. Took them off and wore no shoes all wedding

[M0na1isa]

When you are invited to dinner and MIL hugs you and whispers into your ear that your wearing FUCK ME SHOES so that no one else can hear and to hurt you. And when you announce infront of your hubbie and kids what she did you still have to apologize to her for being nasty

[SueDoku]

Went to show my MIL the outfit that I had bought for DS's wedding; she was very ill (she died the following week) but left our family a wonderful saying by looking at me and exclaiming, 'Oh, it's lovely, it's just like you - big and bold!'
That was 12 years ago and the DC still say the same thing whenever I show them a new outfit ---- swines..!!

[MsVestibule]

Dad, a few days after my wedding:
"You looked very nice on your wedding day...your sister is a very good make up artist, isn't she?"

and

"Oh, have you lost some weight?" "Yes, I have Dad" "Thought so; you were getting quite a tummy, weren't you?"

And not a backhanded compliment, just a ridiculous thing to say to a pregnant woman. At 17 weeks, I was barely showing. He thought it would be funny to say "You're still so small - I hope the poor little thing isn't dead!"

[Tailtwister]

DS1 yesterday morning when I was in the bath.

"Mummy, your breasts look like chickens and you nipples look like the beaks".

There goes my body confidence!

[welshnat]

At Sunday Lunch with family yesterday 3 separate people did the

"Oh you look really nice today!!"

With raised eyebrows and complete shock. By the 3rd remark I did actually say

"What compared to the pile of shit I usually look like?!"

[LaBelleMadamePingouinSansMerci]

Very pretty girl at school: You know, I'm quite envious of the way you look.
Me: Really?!
Pretty Girl: Yeah, if any guy ever likes you, you'll know it must be because of your personality.
Me:

[motherinferior]

Actually my mother's frequent "have you lost weight" is in this group too. No, mother, I have not lost weight. I just don't look like the vast blimp you clearly think I am.

[freddiefrog]

"I like your hair...of course I'd much rather spend time with my kids than worry about stuff like that"

From another mum at a PTA meeting

[monkeymamma]

Arf arf. My ex boss once confided that he'd almost decided not to employ one of my colleagues (recruited around the same time as me) because she was 'too attractive' and he couldn't trust our (apparently lothario) male colleague around her. The same male colleague he'd sat me next to. obviously he had no such concerns about me! Actually I'm not sure which of the three if us this comment was more offensive towards really! He was a nice man though and in his defence drink had been taken when he said it. But I've imagined myself to look like Peggy from mad men ever since

[JessicaLundge]

Paul Calf : " what your daughter lacks in looks, she makes up for in stamina."

[NynaevesSister]

At school, I was 14. Friend, who was lovely and meant really well, told me "you know I don't care what everyone else says I think you are much prettier than your sister".

So so many levels ...

[Mimishimi]

My grandfather is the master of them and the sad thing is I believe he thinks he is genuinely complimenting me

You look nice today Mimi. Did you brush your hair?

First thing on meeting him last week in front of my aunty who was over from the other side of the country. "You look well! You've lost weight!!" Um, thanks Pa?

Told a neighbour laughingly in front of me but as though I wasn't there "well yes, Mimi used to be very good looking when she was younger". Neighbour, equally thoughtful, replied "well she has a pretty face".

[MamaPingu]

I should add she did genuinely mean it, she was some sort of secret fan of me that night was a shock really, as I hadn't realised so many people had noticed me around! That in itself should be a big compliment they bothered to say such nice things!!

[MamaPingu]

The first time I went out for one of these things up town where everyone from college went I had people coming up to me all night saying things like "I've seen you at college I love your hair!!" (I had weird hair at the time, hence the approaches)

One girl in the toilets said "I love your hair and the way you dress. Because you're not skinny are you? But it's nice to see someone bigger pulling it off"

PARDON

I'm only a 12
I'm kind of a big 12 though cause I'm short, I think an 8 would suit my frame

[DaleyBump]

"Not many people can pull off a gap between their teeth but on you it's... cute!" Well I like it [gap toothed smiley]

[SecretWitch]

Secret's it's so difficult to believe you are 48! It is true that a bit of extra weight keeps one one from looking gaunt and drawn!

Said by my lovely Auntie...every blessed time she visits...

[SourSweets]

"You look great, considering you've just had a baby"

Or

"...considering your age" (I'm 26!)

Just stop at great.

[GruffBillyGoat]

"You're looking pretty today (sounding surprised), are you wearing makeup?"

I wasn't.