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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dh should not drink more than the limit when I'm 39 weeks pregnant?

31 replies

Firerise · 05/10/2013 19:38

Am feeling hormonal and ranty so hopefully this will help me calm down by getting it out of my system.

I'm 39 weeks pregnant with dc2, I had dd at 37 weeks so its not beyond the realms of possibility that things could start at any time.

Dh is normally great but does spend a lot of time at weekends playing sport/watching sport at friends house leaving me with dd. I don't mind this at all normally as I like having the time with her but do feel he takes it a but for granted how much latitude he is given.

He went out this afternoon to watch rugby but was great in getting back in time to help with dd's bedtime. Only problem is that he came back wreaking of beer and slurring his speech. He said he's only had 3 and that I'm over reacting when I said I think that's a bit selfish as I'm relying on him and if anything happens would take a taxi to hospital. His defence was he could have had a lot more and didn't and also drank a lot of water. Neither of which are a good excuse in my eyes. If he'd have simply said, "do you know what, probably had one too many but won't do it again. Sorry", then I wouldn't be raging but he's not. He's making me feel like a complete bitch who doesn't get it despite the fact I give him a shed load of freedom.

I'm heavily pregnant and hormonal...but aibu????

OP posts:
mykingdomforasleep · 05/10/2013 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LindyHemming · 05/10/2013 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

froken · 05/10/2013 19:46

I think yabu.

I gave my (normally no drinking) dp instructions to get drunk at his christmas work do 2 days before my due date as I thought that sods law would mean that I would go into labour and all I wanted was for labour to start!

It didn't work, ds was 10 days late.

As long as your dp is not so drunk he wouldn't be an effective birthing partner I can't see the problem.

Original poster
Firerise · 05/10/2013 19:48

Thank you, really hard for me to tell at the moment. He's being all sulky now and eating his dinner in another room to make a point now. Tsk. Will just ignore him and watch Strictly I think. Its like having a middle aged toddler sometimes! God I hope I don't go into labour tonight!!!

OP posts:
AnandaTimeIn · 05/10/2013 19:48

No, you are definately not BU!

I had mine at 36 weeks too.

Have you got others - mum, friend, - on standby too? Make sure your phone is topped up money-wise and battery-wise too

Can you get hold of him to take care of DD if your waters break?

If he is more engrossed with his own life while you are about to have a baby, I'm sorry, he's just "telling you how he is".

BeerTricksPotter · 05/10/2013 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrianTheMole · 05/10/2013 19:51

Not unreasonable at all. The birth is imminent, it shouldn't be that much of a hardship for him to lay off the booze for a few weeks.

londonmum14 · 05/10/2013 19:51

Sorry but I think YABU too. If you started having contractions he'd have time to sober up by the time you'd need to go to hospital wouldn't he? Or did your other labour progress really quickly last time?

Original poster
Firerise · 05/10/2013 19:53

hi froken, problem is we live in the back arse of nowhere so really need him to be able to drive dd to my parents then me to hospital. Could get a taxi if all went tits up but would have to wait a while for it to turn up and could live without the stress tbh. Friend just had dc2 on 13 minutes so I'm probably dwelling on the possibility of what if things happen fast! We'd work something out but do think its a bit selfish.

Not end of the world stuff but still...

OP posts:
Dobbiesmum · 05/10/2013 19:54

froken I did the same thing, it didn't work for me either! OP YANBU, drinking isn't an essential part of life, only sticking to one or two shouldn't be a hardship. Frankly if he's slurring his words after (allegedly) 3 drinks he obviously can't handle his beer that well and should probably quit anyway!

froken · 05/10/2013 19:57

What about when your dp goes to work? Would it not take more time for him to get back to you than for a taxi to come?

if you are going to have a baby in 13 minutes there is not much anyone sober or otherwise can do about it anyway.

Sparklysilversequins · 05/10/2013 19:59

Of course YANBU!

For those who say its fine, he will have time to sober up, yes that would be lovely wouldn't it? A hungover birth partner breathing stale drink fumes over you as you labour. How utterly grim.

PossessedPollyPumpkin · 05/10/2013 20:00

No yanbu, I know in theory you could get a taxi to the hospital. I really wouldn't want to though.

solveproblem · 05/10/2013 20:03

YANBU and I would've been livid!

I had dc2 2 hours after contractions started, you never know how long it's going to take and you definitely can't rely on him having enough time to sober up.

TakingTheStairs · 05/10/2013 20:04

I think yanbu but I think the chances of him
admitting he is in the wrong if he's had enough to slur his words are pretty low. I wouldn't bother stressing about it tonight and have a word tmr when he should be a bit more reasonable. And then maybe point out that if he can't be reasonable after "3 drinks" then he mightn't be in a fit state to get you to hospital and or be a supportive birthing partner.

Thurlow · 05/10/2013 20:11

Oh, no, YADNBU. I asked DP to stop getting drunk at about 37w, to me that's a perfectly reasonable thing to ask, and especially if you have another child to look after and you need someone to drive you to the hospital.

Original poster
Firerise · 05/10/2013 20:14

V lucky that as dh normally works several hours away that he's arranged to wfh until I pop. I know it's highly unlikely anything would be quite that fast but just don't think it's unreasonable to want to rely on him to be able to play his part and lay off the beers for a little bit (And have a theory that number of beers admitted to works a bit like dog years...how many actual beers to everyone admitted too?!? Grin)

Like I said, not end of the world, just miffed and ranty! Much calmer now though thanks! X

OP posts:
BeScarefulWhatYouWitchFor · 05/10/2013 20:16

YANBU He sounds like an immature arse who needs to grow up.

Him being at work when you go into labour is totally different to him having drank too much, work is needed to pay the bills.

Sunshine200 · 05/10/2013 20:19

Yanbu but mine did a similar thing after my due date!

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 05/10/2013 20:21

YADNBU - I am 36 weeks PG with DC2 and DH won't be having more than a beer for the next few weeks until I pop. I don't know why your DH can't see that he's just giving you one more thing to worry about when you don't need the hassle.

Also, this is more than likely your last weekend as just the three of you. Why aren't you doing something nice as a family together, or why isn't he taking DD out and letting you rest? I'm sorry to say this, but you sound so grateful that he deigned to turn up in time for bath time and conceded to work from home. Why shouldn't he do these things?! You're either a hell of a lot nicer than me or you're being taken for a ride here.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasExhausted · 05/10/2013 20:22

Yanbu, I wouldn't stop him having a drink but coming home slurring his works is not on.

It won't kill him to not get drunk for a few weeks.

Original poster
Firerise · 05/10/2013 20:45

Hi wibbly, thanks but dont worry, I'm not being taken for a ride Smile he's a good'un normally - mentioned bedtime bit, not to say how grateful I am that he takes some parental responsibility but to try and give a balanced view rather than paint him as an arse all if the time as he does pull his weight and if I wanted time out for myself it wouldn't be a problem (just feel ultra whale like and want to be antisocial at the moment!)?! Actually have rather enjoyed my one on one time with dd as I know it's going to be harder for me to have that with her once the baby arrives.

Going to chill out tonight and have a chat about it tomorrow as TakingTheStairs said as no point in getting worked up and escalating it now. Have a nice family day planned for tomorrow so hopefully we won't still be sulking at each other then!

OP posts:
specialsubject · 05/10/2013 20:57

nope, nearly two kids, time to stop swilling the booze. Doesn't mean he can't have the odd one but this pissed and parenthood do not go together.

time he grew up.

DoJo · 05/10/2013 21:03

YANBU but I think you have couched it in pretty odd terms 'how much latitude he is given' and 'I give him a shedload of freedom' - maybe he feels like you are trying to control him by positioning yourself as the arbiter of what he does. Not that you shouldn't be in your current position, but if you always make out as though you are 'allowing' him to go out, even if it is as often as he wants, he may feel as though you are assuming a level of control which he isn't happy with.

ModeratelyObvious · 05/10/2013 21:05

YANBU.